Christmas vacation: Should we stay or should we go?

Noting that I am the boss of my very small company, I can choose my own vacation -- within reason.  And my kids ended up getting two weeks vacation  at Christmas time, so it was a question of whether to stay at home or take a semi long holiday SOMEWHERE.

In fact we made up our minds this year long in advance to stay home.  That being because for the last two years we have spent half or all of Christmas away on "vacation".  While it wasn't a fiasco, it was far from being happy memories to recall.  Well, come to think of it, in my book they were a fiasco.

Two years ago, my youngest daughter and I both got food poisoning from a bad hot dog.  Yes we know this.  This left my wife to eat most of the food we had brought along for Christmas dinner and after, gain probably ten pounds (4 kilo), become angry, etc etc.  My daughter and I had bread and water.  Meanwhile my other daughter ran up a high temperature which was quite scary also because we were pretty far away from any hospital or doctors.  It came down after we had towel soaked her in cold water 5 times during the night.  That wasn't fun for anybody.  And of course last year I got a cold from December 29 two days into the vacation and ended up playing memory card game non stop with my youngest daughter in a very small room and being miserably sick.  It all would have been much "nicer" at home.

Needless to say, and because there is no snow this year, we have stayed home this vacation.  I will work during the week anyway.  But I would like to write a couple reasons why in the end staying home is the safe, nice bet to make.

1.  As mentioned, flu season, stuffed nose season, high temperature season, sick season in general.  Although, wouldn't you know it, though there is still a week left to get sick, no one has gotten sick this Christmas.  Whoopee.  But when and if you do, and it is very likely, it is much more comfortable to be sick at home than in a small apartment or penzion room, with the whole family cramped in there, just waiting to be attacked by the germs.

2.  Put the money to something else.  An outing of the whole family costs a lot to book a room or small apartment, why don't you just put the money into reconstruction that I am sure most of you still have to do on your home or apartment.  You know you still haven't even finished the kids room even though they have been there two to five years.  In that time the bathroom is already on the downswing and unless you patch it up it will be leaking on your neighbors below.  Or even a new mattress so you can get better sleep. I have some friends who make extraordinary mattresses if you want their connection.   

If you are all sorted in the reconstruction department, well then give the Ole Santa boy some money to bring your kids some real good presents.  Note that people are spending more and more on Christmas gifts in general anyway which is putting them under until March.  But, maybe some extra high cost items this year can be gotten out of the way.   Note that Jr is just about ready to ride a bike. That is a small investment to Santa, or Father Christmas or Jesus or whoever comes to visit your abode with the presents.  Or hey, a friend just sent me a picture of his 8 year old doing his best Eddie Van Halen imitation on his new electric guitar.  That must have been a pretty penny for that present.   

Two gifts my 7 year old got.  Santa is pretty cool. 

3.  The kids have a lot of free time and "known" space to test out their new gifts.  Go ahead play that new Ramones CD at 11 volume.  Or  that new flying Tinkerbell your daughter got can break something flying around the house. Its better if it breaks it in your own house rather than the rented room.  Murphy`s law number 23, something always breaks during Christmas.  You know in a rented apartment they are going to charge you 5 times the amount of the thing that got broken.  That is also a law.  I always recall that it was great spreading out all my new Christmas gifts around the family room and playing really loudly with all the new games and bothering my Father who was home writing and... those were the days.

4.  Even if you have only two kids, even one maybe, the whole family can not agree on the place to go for this semi long, but not long enough holiday.  Its not like summer when you have time to satisfy everyone and do more than one thing.  I have two girls, but they are totally different when it comes to winter season.  One learned how to ski when she was 3 and wants to do it every chance she gets.  The other who is 4 now, still doesn't know how and during the winter, her time limit for being outside in the snow is about 20 minutes.   This is about as long as it takes to get on all the snow gear in the first place.  Last year we would take twenty minutes to get on her winter clothes and we would sled in the yard and get snowy for twenty minutes then she was finished, wanted to go back inside.  Since I was sick, I didn't argue.  There was really no point to it, although for some reason she said she had a great time playing memory game with me non stop in our cramped little room.   Oh well, I guess in the end she was satisfied.  She will never remember it anyway.

This snowman arts and crafts piece no longer exists, I ate it.

5.  Time to explore your own neighborhood and vicinity.  We live in a semi big city, so there is always something going on.  But I am sure, unless you are out in rural, and even there, there are new exhibitions, yes even things the kids would like. Check out a theatre for kids with hand crafts to  do afterwards, or new paths to explore right around your house.  I have had 4 days off so far and we have done something nice (well, excluding the bad relatives visit day) every day.

As I recall when I was young, we spent 9 out of 10 Christmas` at home and besides for one bad one, I have no regrets and feel quite happy and satisfied with good memories.   Save your money, save the gas, stay at home.

On the downside:  There is that visit to the relatives day and that can be a nightmare as a fellow Dad blogger has written about eloquently HERE.  Why all the dirty laundry comes out when relatives get together for the holidays, I don't know.  Its like the movie "Ordinary People" ten fold.  Not as bad as the Star Wars saga, you know Darth Vader, oh, I better not ruin it for you if you haven`t seen the older movies.

More downside.  As a parent you are going to have time at home to get really frustrated with the gifts that Santa or Father Christmas, or whomever, left your kids.  For me this year, my kids are good at doing puzzles, but.... um, Santa, you really do NOT have a clue when you left them a 1000 piece puzzle for a 4 year old.  Here is the current state of that puzzle we got.  If I take another picture at the end of January, I hope it will have progressed at least a little. but I have my doubts.

current status of 1000 piece puzzle (sigh)

  Happy Holidays to everyone

    

Christmas Time Constructions

I don't understand why more Fathers don't take up Dadding and doing artistic activities with their children, especially around Christmas time.  I'm talking to you Dads, who like to putz around in the garage or the basement workshop putting things together or taking them apart.  It is such a thin barrier between the activities of kids and repairing your John Deere lawnmower.  Believe me it is.

Let me get straight to the point and the comparison.

The other day, my Mother was telling me about two couples she had over for dinner.  The men got along with each other, hit it off quite well because they are both handymen who like to fix things around the house and in the yard.  So for an hour they were talking about taking off certain doors and what number screw you need for that part and that part and how to put the door back on so it can`t be hijacked and is secure.  What fasteners are the best for securing it etc etc...

All they have to do is transfer that knowledge to making devils and angels and the Three Kings and Santy Clause.  Screwing in little toothpicks and securing noses, tongues and fake hair onto plastic bottles and containers.  I feel the two sets of knowledge are quite similar.    Why Fathers with the ability to build stuff do not volunteer more for running arts and crafts sessions in their children's` pre school is.... well apples and apples to me.  They should.

Here pictured are two little devils constructed in pre school.   Tell me those couldn't have been put together in Father`s workshop in the basement or out in the garage.  

Why those two men at my Mother`s dinner couldn't just as well have been talking together something like this:  "Well, the tongue is the tricky part, because its going to not stick.  Its going to come off.  You need the strong number 10 Elmer's to get that thing staying on there or else just forget it."   "Yeah, yeah, I hear what you are saying, but you are just going to have to use number 4 screws on the eyes.  Those are just the same Radio Shack made for putting together transistors when they were still around.  You can`t glue the eyes. "  "Right about that.  Oh, and save those pipe cleaner pieces, they do add a good effect in the hair."  etc etc.

I on the other hand,  don't have a garage or a basement and limited room in the house for bits and pieces and my Mother in law wouldn't allow any junk of mine at her place.  The truth of the matter is  that arts and crafts and I are NOT two great tastes that go great together.  In fact, arts and crafts and I are like a chainsaw getting together with the Texas Chainsaw Murderer.  If we come together it is not a pretty sight. It is downright dangerous.   Stuff flying around, body parts, blood and pieces of skin are all possible. (Note:  The Texas Chainsaw Murderer was actually based on the murders of Ed Gein who lived in the state of Wisconsin and didn't use a chainsaw)

So last Sunday from this writing when my wife said I had to help our youngest girl decorate their wall with Christmas tape I ran away and hid under the bed like a dog during a thunderstorm.  They had to use magnets and ropes and the works to pull me out from under the bed.  But I was given an ultimatum and said that my wife worked on it the day before and now it was my turn.  

Well, although I am a "wing it" type of guy, I thought it best to draw a plan of the picture we would make, first.  We were going to tape up, wait, ... a snowflake.  Or three.   Here is the plan if you can see it.  

Next, I wasn`t doing it right according to my daughter and she yelled for Mom to come and tell me to do it correctly.  She was rather angry at how I was putting the tape down.  Don` t know what I was doing wrong, but I had to concede and change my evil ways, baby.

Then the careful measurement, not, and the precise placement, I rather doubt it, of each section of the snowflake.  My daughter had to cut each piece of tape off while I held it in place.  Sometimes she had to stand on some books to reach the tape and cut the exacting piece, which wasn`t exact.

Well, it took an hour or so, but we ended up with not one but three snowflakes on the wall.  And here is the outcome:

Hahaha, I know what you are saying, what`s the big deal?  It`s tape, you pull it off and cut it.  It is tape, not a drawing.   But let me tell you, THIS IS A BIG DEAL.  To construct it in this shape took the utmost concentration, patience (one of the three "p"s) and a couple hail Marys and prayers.   My wife was quite happy with it, my daughter was pleased and not crying about it (which signals success).  I can safely graduate from level 1 arts and crafts and move onto level two.  That comes in fact tomorrow when I have to decorate the Christmas tree.  Yes I know I know, we did it last year, but that was a year ago and if I only do it once a year, I have to learn the whole process over again.  I can`t remember how to do something that I do once a year.  It`s like my Mother recently said, "I have been making stuffing for the Thanksgiving turkeys for 60 years, but I still have to look at the recipe because I only do it once a year.  I cant remember the recipe from the last time I did it."     So.... wish me luck.  I am going to need it.

Taped Christmas tree done by older daughter

Texas Chainsaw Murderer from the movie

    

 

How I nearly lost my kids because of the Ramones.

I was sitting in the principals office of my oldest daughter just recently.  He was NOT my pal.   He was pacing the floor a bit in front of his desk. Two hefty men stood on each side of the desk.  Or perhaps I should classify them as "rugged".  He paced a bit more, then sat down.

"We aren't as stupid these days, Mr. --------- .  We know what Chinese rock is.  This isn't the 60s when officials didn't know what rock n roll was about.  Don't you think your daughter is just a bit too young, at 7 years old to go around singing `I'm living on a Chinese Rock.  Everything is in the pawn shop`?  Or, `this aint Havanna.  Do you like a banana?`   Mr. _____  you know these men are from the office of Children`s Rights and they can go to your home and even take your children away from you if they deem you are bringing up your children.... BADLY. "

As serious as the situation was,  an episode of the Simpsons was playing in my memory.   In it the Simpsons kids WERE taken away from Marge and Homer and given to the Ned Flanders to bring up.  I recalled a friend of mine who took in kids and I winced when I realized he was very Flanderesque and my two girls could wind up in his household.  Oh the pain of it all.

But I guess I should back track in time for you and tell you how this very serious situation came about.

Music is one of the most important aspects in my life.  The night before I was born my parents were playing quartets. The cello my Mother was playing, holding against me, must have vibrated me lovingly toward the beginning of life.  My job in my adult life has been in the music business, selling, distributing, marketing music.  Thus music and what is played and listened to at home is very important.  That said, I realize that not everything I play will be liked by others.  So I would rather play something that the whole family can enjoy.

Now when you have two young girls, they like repetitive music, something which is easily remembered with very catchy and happy melodies and lyrics.  Easy lyrics to hear and sing. (Nirvana would never please an under ten kid, not even adults understand Kurt Cobain`s mumbling lyrics. )   And of course kids will listen to that ten(s) times in the day, especially if it is a winter weekend day.

Then you have your wife who likes a melody and a "song".  Then you got your Dad who can take just about anything, but would rather listen to something faster with a good strong beat to keep his energy up and not fall asleep when he is playing the tenth game, this morning, of the memory game.  I just wanted everyone to be happy,  said my inner Salesman Being.  

My older girl`s English lesson CD songs were driving my wife crazy and starting to eat on me too.  "It¨s a house.  It`s a happy house. It`s a happy house for you and me", is the kind of thing when listened to ten times makes you want to do your Pete Townshend imitation and start smashing the Television and throwing things out the window. 


My wife`s Depeche Mode CDs, while I have nothing against them,  um..... shhhhh, shhhh, really I don`t, were too sad and sour for the kids.  They automatically yanked those.   I tried putting on Ben E King, you know, "when the lights de de dah,..  stand by me"  I could see was too slow for both the kids and me.  I thought it might be good, good repetitive lines, but too slow.  Too slow.  Reggae is not for kids either.  You ever see a small kid walking around scraping their feet looking zonked?  No, of course not.

Brazilian Beats 4 has been a seminal hit in our house for several years off and on.  I reintroduced it recently, to my wife`s frown.  The drum and bass tunes were starting to wear on Mommy after it had been playing every day a couple times for over a week.  The drum and bass DJ Marky and Infrared tunes, though several years old, kept me going.  Kids liked it too.  It remains a hit, but is back in the archives again (IE hidden by my wife).

Then on Sunday, I pulled out our two Ramones CDs.  "End of the Century" pictured above was an immediate hit with the kids.  There are so many classics there, great songs that you can sing along with on the refrains, you know,  "Rock rock rock rock rock n roll high school".  From the first drum beats of "Do you remember Rock n Roll Radio" to the last "High Risk Insurance", its a 38

 Music Producer Phil Spector

minute cup of coffee.  And it doesn't wear on you.  You can listen to it 5 times a day every day and it stays fresh. It doesn't get you antsy and make you want to throw it out the window.  It was produced by Phil Spector so it has that 50s rock and roll, pop sound, but speeded up by the Ramones so that Daddy AND Mommy stay awake and even dance. It is  fast and  poppy and catchy for the kids.  It covers all the bases for the whole family.  You wouldn't know how difficult that is unless you are or were a parent.  Really.  I`m not joking.  It`s an accomplishment.  

The only problem is the Ramones, being the punk product that they are of New York City 1970, write about everyday things and school and well, Dee Dee was a heroin addict for a great amount of his life, so there is that.   As a result you have the song "Chinese Rock"  which is a type of heroin and being addicted and selling all your valuable stuff so that you can "cop some rock".  Although let it be known that Dee Dee wrote it in 1975 but it got rejected by the Ramones as being TOO OBVIOUS.  It was only when it became a hit with the Heartbreakers that the Ramones took it back and put it on their 1980 album.

Thus the refrain, "I`m living on Chinese Rock.  All my best things are in hock.  I`m living on Chinese Rock.  Everything is in the pawn shop" has got to be the most catchy part of the whole album.  (Note, I gather if my blog were read by a serious amount of people I would have to ask permission to reprint these lyrics, but it isn't, so I haven't, but it was written by Dee Dee Ramone with some help from Richard Hell).  Rather a witty refrain about having to sell everything because you have a bad monkey on your back.  Also a warning to all.

And we played it over and over, and over once again. And then again.   So that by the middle of the school week  the principal called me up and into his office and these sharp dressed men were there too.  I was not crazy about them.  They definitely were not punk.

"Your daughter is singing this refrain over and over AND teaching it to all the students"

 "Mr. ------ , teaching seven year olds songs about drugs is not the reputation we want to have.  Has your daughter asked you what Chinese rock is and if so what did you say?"

"I told her it was a bad sort of food that some people eat and when they eat it, they want more and more and it drives them crazy so that they sell all their things in order to get this food and eat it."

I lied big time.  I said nothing of the sort to her.  I told her that it was a small rock or island near China in the ocean with very few people or no people living on it.  I did tell her what a pawn shop was truthfully.  But I had to tell the Child Care people the "correct" answer.

Needless to say they were impressed with my answer.   I knew they would be.  In fact if I could have read their minds I am pretty sure they were contemplating having me teach sex education to the under ten year olds.  They were having trouble finding a teacher to do that.

"Well, Mr. -----, couldn't`t we ask you to change slightly your music content at home so it is more "child friendly".

"You don¨t like our music, eh Mr. Principal?"

This comment made me feel like Sideshow Bob in the Simpsons again when he shudders at the thought of Bart and plans Bart`s death.  They had no idea how many hours I had spent searching for the right music for everyone, big deal about the lyrics.  And how finding just the right music was an epiphany worthy of gold, or at least corn on the cob.

"I will try my best gentlemen."

I lied again, but everyone in the room gave a collective sigh.  Sometimes censorship and lying has its place.  I really wanted to tell the principal that he better not be playing probably more than half of his music collection then to his kids, including the Beatles, not even the early Beatles.  But, I thought there was no point to it.  He might come to the same conclusion.  I am just glad he didn't tell me to play some "good" music for my children like Justin Bieber or Nickelback.  Then I would have been sent to jail for aggravated assault.    

"I am sorry sir,  I have an awfully important meeting at my other daughter`s pre school, have we come to a satisfactory conclusion?"

The principal gave me a concerned look, but said, "yes,... we have"

I really had to run to get to that appointment.  I was told the police were waiting for me along with the teachers. It seems my younger daughter was pogoing all over classroom and teaching others how to do it and singing Chinese Rock over and over.  And if I didn't give a good explanation to the teachers, the police might put me in jail for teaching my daughter reckless, bad behavior and spreading it to the rest of the classroom.

I ran out of the school humming the music and lyrics that had been going through my head because we had been listening to the other CD over and over, "The KKK took my baby away, they took her away, away from me"...