STOP! Stop?

I ll probably stop writing this blog at the end of the year.  

Two reasons.  One daughter is now 16, the other 13.  The older sticks to her mother more than to me. It seems I am some sort of a nagging pariah for her.  Anyway she prefers her friends, understandable, to me.  And her mother to me.  All I can do is make observations about being a parent in this time and nag my daughter some to get her to do stuff.  She doesnt even like my food much any more though I am making it the same as ever.  Maybe bored with it.  She likes making her noodle dishes.  That s good that she does her own food, even if it hurts that she rejects mine. You know? She is a teenager, she knows how to do it. She knows how to do everything.  

Two, I just probably will see less of her.  

My other younger daughter, we still do things together. Go to a movie,  I still help her with her language course(s) and try to help her with math.  I guess I still could be (close to) 40 per cent daddy with her.  Less. But my older daughter.... much less. 

Some of it is sad.  I thought in her teenage years she would need her father more. They often say, I have read quite often, that teenage girls need a solid male figure in their life to lay down the law, give them some guidance on what is wrong and right and maybe kick them in the butt lightly to tell them that is wrong, do it right.  Because their frontal cortex is a mess and causing them to do messy things. 

Sadly it seems in my case that is wrong.  She gravitates to her mother and will do anything her mother says, whereas she yells at me when I try to tell her to do something.  It took her two hours to get ready to walk the dog one weekend when I was home with her.  She yelled at me when I had to tell her again and again, "take the dog out".  It happened again today and I told my younger daughter to yell at her, I wouldnt do it.  The older daugther didnt yell at her sister, so hard. When Mother said, "the dog is standing in front of the door, walk the dog," she got off the toilet and did it.  

Its ok, these relationships swing back and forth not only during growing up time, but during one's whole life.  

However, the very sad part which disturbs me is that she sees me as a bad father, "a sh... dad and bad husband to my wife because she is swinging away from me. It means for her that I was bad her whole life. At least I get that impression. 

That just isnt true. I remember all the nights she woke up calling "daddy" and I would wake up (my wife snoring away, never heard ANY of these calls) and run to her bedside and stand by her till she was asleep again.  Bad dream.  Waking in the night scared her.  And lots of small stuff like that helping her.  No.  No no no. I wasnt the sh.... t dad.  But .... it seems at this point, I am and was.  

I recently wrote a post, didnt I?, about the possibility of the family or kids rewriting your history.  It can happen when they are in this attitude that "you suck".  

So the question is, should I just say to myself, Ok, she is fine with her mother and

now its time for you to step out of her way and let her alone?  Dont bother with anything.  Stop the nagging, that is finished.  Dont take her dishes to the sink.  Dont care if she goes to bed at midnight.  Dont care if she doesnt finish her dinner because "it was disgusting" and then she goes to the store for a bag of chips.  Just drop it and stop.  In a sense, even stop being a parent to her.  She IS 16.  

Or .... or what?  Continue to be a nag and try to redirect her, push her to stay away from the wrong directions and decisions. Her frontal cortex is still a mess. 

Recently she said, I feel like there is something pushing me to do wrong, and i know it, and I try to not do wrong, to do right. But it is pushing me to do wrong. 

Is it past the worst of the mess of the frontal cortex?  15 and 16?  I doubt it.  But it seems like something is breaking. Maybe I should hang out and stick on and make sure she has the solid male in her life giving her good assistance?  

Or maybe by default that wont be my job anymore because I will be too far away and she wont want it.  

My brother did the same thing with his parents when he was 16.  He had another ten years of mess I would say.  At least my daughter turns to her mother.  

So, if that is the case, will I have much more to write about in 2025?  40 per cent worth?  

I dont know.  I can say, "I ll cross that bridge when I get there."  But that "bridge" is coming up very soon and I will be crossing it any time now..... I think.¨But also, maybe that bridge is already collapsed.