Big Fat Lazy Summer (2023)

 Every summer is different.  What can I say?   Two summers ago we played Monopoly constantly in the summer.  When one game finished, we started a new one.  This summer we played one game of Monopoly

 I dont know, maybe it is taste, maybe it is age.  

Last summer I recall my daughters were sleeping till around 10 or 10.30 and I must have been rowing from 10 or so because they would be asleep when I left, but awake when I got back.  

This summer was different again.  

It had been my plan to go rowing and come back and eat breakfast and we would

have an outing from around 11am till 4 in the afternoon or something.  Maybe eat lunch out.  Well, you know what they say about plans:  Man plans, God laughs... is that how it goes? 

The thing is, my daughters were sleeping till at least noon, sometimes more, till 1pm.  Now how did that happen?  And am I a bad father for letting that happen? 

Two things.  1. I think sleep is a good thing especially for teen agers.  They also say that TOO MUCH sleep is not good for you, but I would rather err with too much sleep rather than too little sleep.  And what is too much sleep?  More than ten hours?  I dont know.  You remember that experiment where the men lived in the caves with no light and their bodys naturally slept for twelve hours? So they figured that at some point in our history, pre pre pre pre industrialization, the circadian sleep rhythms of humans was twelve hours.  So, More than twelve hours is too much.  But actually i have heard that more than ten hours is too much. They were getting 10 to 12 hours of sleep.  I was hoping their brains were growing growing growing in that time, as the brain is usually growing the most during sleep in teen agers.  You can correct me if I am way wrong.. 

2.  Its the summer.  So what if they sleep till noon or 1pm.  I mean they are missing a nice part of the day in the morning, but we arent really morning people, although that  can change. Essentially, they were going to bed around 1am and sleeping 11 hours or so.  Big deal.  If they werent allowed to get a good good sleep in the summer, when can they?  Teenagers need sleep.  Summer and sleep can go together. 

I must say that it crimped my plans of making road trips of any size besides to the grocery store or the library or small outings.  Even a movie on Sunday at 3pm had to be planned well.  But again, I say, let them eat cake, I mean let them sleep.  I am not a military type guy, rise and shine at 5am.  And, as I said, summer is summer. Summer is the time to do it the way we want to. 

My wife is the planner and "lets get up and go on the outing".  I am sort of the opposite, although I do appreciate the sightseeing and when something is organized, I wont shy from it.  But, I figure my wife will take them on some trips. We are here, and this is the sort of laid back, take it easy, do our traditions, part of the summer.  

So.... they were sleeping till noon.  We always had a good time in the evening, watching our TV, sometimes going down to the dock to watch the stars.  One daughter and I watched the meteor shower in mid August and saw 5 meteors fly across the sky.  In the darkness, the really big fish come out and jump up to catch a fly and you hear big splashes once in a while on the lake.  But the night star sky is amazing in the woods with so many stars. And ever since watching the original Star Trek series again, I have a renewed respect for the Milky Way galaxy and all that is out there, just in our galaxy.  When I look up at the night sky, I can think of it as "our" galaxy that we have to find out about. 

But back to the sleeping. So, it was rather a downtempo summer with not a lot happening, but I was not dejected.  We still did a lot.  Thanks to all who helped, including our trip to my mother who we havent seen since 2019 (largely because of covid), our trip to the state park, and of course the local branch of our public library who every year put on summer activities several times a week including rock painting and this year tie dyeing.  

 Really, the loss of the morning hours, well who knows what we would have been doing if we hadnt been sleeping? Probably just the same things as we did in the evening, besides watching the night sky. My friend at another cottage got up at 8am or earlier and he would mess around on his computer and then take a nap sometime in the day, even later in the morning. So what is the difference? I let them sleep. Leave me a note if you think I did it wrong.  

It is the beginning of the school year now.  I write this on Sunday, the last night before school starts tomorrow, on Sept 4, but I still have a couple stories from the summer I have in the pipeline. So, i hope you wont be too upset if I continue with the great summer topic where also I shine as a father (well... relatively speaking, at least a glimmer).  Next post will probably be on summer trips.  

Household name in the UK, grand composer of ambient techno.  Rerelease of the album "PINK".   Fourtet.  

Tradition and non change in the summer vacation. Slow to no evolution. That is fine.

 

Hi from summertime.  

There are two ways to operate your summer vacation. 1.  Always be on the move. Make a trip.  Going to a new place and exploring nearly every day.  Travel, see, tour, move.  2.  Go to your summer home or your traditional summer place and stay there and pretty much only there for an extended amount of time with one or two trips but very little movement, but just staying put and doing things there where you are. 

I have no qualms against either.  Obviously it is good to do both.  It is good to explore, see new places and travel, but it is also good to have tradition of place year after year.  I think our family is pretty lucky that we have both in the course of the summer.  

I grew up on going to the summer cottage and staying there for the whole of the summer.  That is what I know.  So naturally that is what I feel comfortable with and continue to do.  Every summer I take my two girls to Northern Michigan where I personally have been going since I was born.  And now my daughters too.  We have strong traditions there.  When my mother was still around my younger daughter was so clear about what we had to do every year that we had to sit in the exact same seats or booth when we went to the restaurants we went to every year.  

Sadly my mother is not there anymore as part of the summer tradition. But we did see her in her all year home.  So some of the traditions evolve slowly.  We dont eat inside that restaurant I just mentioned. We take it out and it seems a new tradition that we take it to a quiet area nature park along a river.  Eat it on a bench overlooking the river then take a walk.  We only got that food once though this year, in the past it was tradition to eat it two times in our vacation.  

We used to eat in a fast food restaurant but that was because the place had a playground and my daughters played there after the meal. Now they are too big for the playground, but its nicer because we take the meal to a park on the bay, eat it in the park then go swimming in the bay (pictured here to the left).  It was tradtion to do that three times, but we only got to it twice this summer.  

But my daughters demand that we get take out pizza from the absolute "bestest" pizza restaurant (no it is not in Norman Oklahoma) in the world  at least once a week.  In this our last week, we only had eaten it two times so we had to get the pizza twice in our last week to keep the tradition up.  Yes we had four weeks vacation this year in our traditional spot.   

What else is on our list of traditions?  At least one small roadtrip, though I was

hoping for a better one farther away this year, but didnt make it. And I was hoping to do two, but that didnt happen unfortunately.   Pretty much eating the same lunch every day if we are at home.  Corn for dinner nearly every other night when it comes into season, around August 6th.  Going to the nearby library and getting books out though not necessarily any day in particular.  But doing some of the arts and crafts events the library puts on like  tye dying, painting rocks, making pom poms etc..  Full reading days at home, just sitting somewhere, hopefully on the dock and reading all day.  For me, rowing or kayaking as many mornings as possible.  Not really a tradition just something I enjoy doing and am proud to do, to get some regular good exercise.  Since my friend and his daughter have been up the past couple years, we have had a grilled hot dogs and s mores night.  Did I forget anything?  Swimming at the island when we can in the late afternoon (Island picture at the beginning of this post at top).

Hartwick Pines park

Unfortunately Michael Moore canceled the Traverse City film fest this year. Otherwise we had been going to that for the last five or more years. 

This all might sound boring and low key to you.  Admittedly if I did it in my home winter town, it probably would be and I would feel bad that my girls didnt get out and we just do boring stuff and waste the summer, BUT since we make a long travel to get to our "summer home" and our getaway is in the woods on a lake maybe it makes all the difference.  We arent jumping out of planes, bungie jumping or white water rafting, but we look forward to our summer traditions each year and even my daughters demand that we do this and that in the tradition.  Its changed a little each year and some of the years we had big changes like losing our traditional summer home which had been in the family for 60 years and my mom retiring and moving away, and maybe next year will be different. I cant say each year is EXACTLY the same, but for my whole life and my daughters whole life we have found a comforting summer tradition which (I hope and suppose) everyone enjoys and looks forward to.  To lay down strong traditions with slow or no evolution, I think, is not only comforting, but very solidifying in a child's and person's life.  

I hope you too have had the chance to carry on some of your summer traditions which hopefully develops good memories for you and your kids.  

Oh, lots of readers (maybe???) from Singapore. Drop me a message, write me a comment. Tell me if you enjoy or why you are reading. Thanks 

I like to listen to music which I personally have on vinyl or CD or have in my store, but in fact this once I listened to some slowcore music which was recommended from a good music blog.  It seemed to fit my mood for this post too. So it was good and I hope I can find the album to buy.  VALIUM AGGELEIN "BLACK MOON"  NUME213LP.  Hopefully the first song will stop you in your tracks and keep you hooked and listening carefully till the very end.  And then again. 

Summer Travel 2023 : Revisiting O Hare

In 2021 I wrote

this post in part on going through O Hare airport in Chicago. 

It was a disaster. A nightmare which I still have dreadful memories from.  Just terrible.  I promised myself never to go through O Hare Chicago airport again. I lost a huge amount of money on it that I never got reimbursed for, though I spent time trying.  

So why was it that I booked our flight AGAIN this year through O Hare International airport, even with a layover of 6 hours?  

Well.  It came down to two factors.  

It was the cheapest route at the overall fastest time.  

I told my daugthers after I had booked it and one said, "Aw dad, why did you do that?  You said we would never go through there again. It was so awful".  Or something to that affect.  Yes, I said, but.... money.  

The reason I accepted the 6 hour layover is exactly because last time it took about 3 hours to get through customs so I was cushioning our transfer.  We still had to catch a transfer and go on the last leg of our trip. 

The big day came and I thought IF we got through quickly maybe we could get an earlier flight and get in sooner.  

We landed in Chicago roughy on time.  What would happen next?  We speculated the possibilities.  If... IF .... If ... If?  IF!!!   

Then we got off and walked to customs. And we walked.  "Hey isnt that where you had to sit down and rest last time?  Yeah and where was it that you threw up the first time and left the bag there?"   And we walked more.  And we got to the customs room  The last time just getting to that point had taken way over an hour if not two.  

And there we were now stopped.  About five rows to the customs booth.  At this point last time my daughters had to take turns sitting down outside the line.  My youngest threw up there for the third time.  We were so angry and bushed.  I was resigning myself to us missing our next connecting flight.  So what would I have to organize?  Could we get another flight, did it exist or would we have to stay over?  

This time they had directed other people to a different room even.  We looked at the time.  2.06 pm.   Ok the line is moving.  Lets see today is Sunday so that might have something to do with it. But that could work either way.  There are no Afghanis in the line like there was last time.   But according to my calculations that only added about 10 per cent. Was I wrong? Had it been more?   

They have a separate line for the airplane crew BUT NOT for parents with babies or young children.  That is still a big minus.  But the line is moving.  In fact it was moving steadily.  

I couldnt tell if they had more customs officers this time or not. It looked like more. At one point one just left with the line standing there and they had to break into other lines. That was weird.  But I think there were more officers this time. 

We got close to the front of the line and I asked what time it was.  2.24.   So by the time we get there it will be 2.26..... 20 minutes in the line.  

Whoaaaaaa  Frank.  That is pretty good.  Pritty good.   In fact very good.  

The customs guy was terse and polite.  We stuck our faces up to the camera and he looked at our US passports.  Each one of us.  "And you are...?  Ok great, welcome back".  That was it.  Yeap, from the beginning of the line till end of customs a little more than 20 minutes. 

We got our bags on the belt and had to check them through again.  That was a bit confusing this time but mostly straightforward.  If I had been 20 years older and with alzheimers it might have been prohibitive.   

Then we just had to wait.  Well I guess "only" 4 hours to boarding.   There was not an earlier flight to our destination.  I thought there was, but I was mistaken. Maybe from another airport.  So we had to wait for a long time.  But that was not the airports fault.  

On revisiting O Hare international airport and getting through customs I give it an A- this time.  Just the customs, baggage claim, recheck mind you.  I cant speak on other issues of hospitality or shops or whatever.  Just the going through customs.  

Maybe last time in 2021 it had been a special case.  Yes covid and the end of the afghani war and soldiers and Afghanis coming into Chicago played a role, but you would think that an airport in existence for so long would know how to compensate and handle it.  But they hadnt.  BUT that had been a very special case, perhaps they hadnt any idea how to deal with it.  A bit strange, but ok.  In "normal" times, it seems they are not so bad and doable.  While stemming from my first bad experience I would still be worried about booking through Chicago, I would temper this with a good experience and look at the circumstance surrounding any new booking.  ¨

In other words, still cautious, but if the shoe will fit then I will take it.  

Congratulations O Hare.  

I am on vacation, my daughters are sleeping nearby and it is morning, so I didnt listen to any music while writing this, just the wind and an occasional motor boat on the lake.   

Sleepy time time. A question of the dozes.

Summertime sleep

 I am not a good sleeper.  I always wonder if this dates from my high school years when I went to bed around 11 pm.  I must have been 14-17.  I didnt think that was too late.  But actually now in retrospect I think it was.  I am not sure if I got 8 hours of sleep although maybe I did from 11 till 7am.   I was always very sad in the morning, but I see that now as part of a problem.  Sort of "morning sickness" or popularly known as a night owl opposed to an early bird.  I have always been a night owl.  I have said and still say that the hours between 6am and 8 or 9am should be banned.  They should be for sleeping.  I think I am in a minority on that issue.  My best time for sleeping would be from midnight to 1am to between 8 and 9am or 10am to get up.  

I am not sure if any of that has contributed to my bad sleeping. I have been reading about sleep and trying to do research on my own about sleep for years.  

So.  The question is, with my background, what time should I let my teenage daughter go to sleep in the night during summer?  

Yes yes, I know, strictly a first world problem.  I admit it.  But now let me get to the points.  

1.  She is a teenager and teenagers, as has been written by major sleep specialists 1) and becoming general knowledge, have a mess in their front brain cortex (I hope I have that part correct) and their sleep patterns will vary wildly.  Not being sleepy till midnight can be common.  Letting them sleep till 8am is a good thing.  Naps in the afternoon are once again good.  

2. She is a teenager and wants to stay up later and see what all the fuss is about staying up late at night.  Granted this can start at age 10,  but teenagers act like top sh.. and beat their chests that they stayed up until  xam last night.  

3. As my daughter said, "Dad, its summer.  I CAN stay up after midnight".   Shes got a point there. If she isnt tired, she can go to bed when she is and get up when she is not in the morning.  

The problem(s).  

1. Allowing bad behavior begets more bad behavior.  Going to bed late

accustoms the body to get used to going to bed later..... and later.  

How late should she be allowed to stay out?  She called my wife one night in July at 10.15pm and asked her to pick her up from the basketball court as she had fallen and the park had closed (or something) and she couldnt get home.  My wife answered me with  toxicity: "This is what happens when you let your daughter stay out past 10 pm."   (hisss hisss )

For the first week in July my daugther was going to bed around 2am and sleeping till as late as noon.  This is even past my comfort level and 2am can quickly turn into 4am and getting up in the afternoon.   Bad sleep patterns turn into worse sleep patterns.  

So anecdotally I have to answer this first world problem.  

How? 

Well, thankfully the problem was taken from my hands for the next two weeks as she attended a summer camp and in their usual military style they probably made the campers go to bed at a "not bad time" say between 10 and 11 pm.   But as my daughter said to me, that is when they went to bed, but it didnt mean they went to sleep.  Oh. 

After that, I tried to impose a midnight lights out policy on our vacation.  Maybe 1am for me, just to be fair.  I think midnight is a fair policy for a teenager during summer.  You know, in July and even into August it stays twilight till 10pm so you can be outside till then. Then you go in and have a snack, play a game for an hour, watch some TV (no not on the gadgets) till 11ish and then get ready for bed and read some in bed for at least half an hour.  My girls seem to naturally sleep for around 9-10 hours when they can, so they can sleep till 9.30 ish 10 am ish and still have morning to get up into.  Thats all good isnt it?  

Unfortunately it hasnt been working like that.  We have been watching TV till 11, 11.30. (We have to see the news and weather on TV at 11). THEN we have to clean up some, and get ready for bed and it is midnight.  Maybe after.  Then if I am still up, they are still up.  So it has turned into go to bed between 12.30 and 1 and they sleep till......  11 or noon.  AGHHH.  I dont know why they are sleeping so much, often for 12 hours.  So I guess I havent solved "the problem" if indeed it was a problem.  Maybe now 12 hours is natural and I am doing them good and their brains are developing.  It hasnt gotten out of hand that they stay up till 2am, though one daughter has said she couldnt fall asleep till 2am.  So... I am not sure if I have solved the problem, but maybe the problem did not exist and there was nothing to solve.  Maybe the problem is DURING school year they can only get 9 hours at the most unless we put them to bed at gunpoint earlier in the evening.  

Problem solved once again by not doing anything (?).  Hmmmmmm   

How are you doing in your summer?  Kids at home?  Doing things?  Summer camp?  Your own activities?   Make the most of summer..... whatever that means. 

Puppies

We had puppies born this last week.  Four puppies were born to our dog, a staffordshire bull terrier.  My youngest daughter and I watched them being born, along with my wife and an expert breeder.  

As I am nervous about many things, I was of course nervous about this "new event" that I , granted didnt have to do anything for, but still should be responsible if anything bad happens.  As it was, nothing bad happened. All four dogs came out with no injuries nor defects.  It all went well. I was quite surprised by the way it happened, namely that each one was born separately and all four came out over two hours.  That was new to me how that happened.  So in fact you dont have them all come out at once and the last one is the smallest and maybe defected.  They were all in separate plasmas and in fact the 4th one was not much different from the 1st. Although admittedly the first IS the biggest and developing the most and fastest   Surprisingly, the second which was born not too much later after the first seems to be "the baby" of the group.   

But what I wanted to talk about was the importance of this event for my children, particularly my younger daughter.   I ll start by saying that everyone reacts differently and not everyone is interested.  My older daughter, while she likes the dogs and dogsits for them too, wasnt greatly interested in the whole process and wasnt standing there gawking the whole time like the rest of us.  She was texting a friend.  But, thats ok, I am not mad this time.  Its not even bad.  Some people like some things and others dont.  No problem.  

But for my younger daughter it was life changing perhaps.  She loves all the dogs and as she said herself, everytime she looks at the puppies, all stress and problems disappear as they are so cute and lovable.  She wrote down notes of when each was born and how much they weighed.  Now she weighs them twice a day since their birth to see how they are growing. 

It was new for me too.  We had guinea pigs when I was growing up.  We had a dog, but it was spaid, so no puppies.  But we had guinea pig babies maybe three times a year  or more.  We had guinea pigs from when I was very young, even say 3 years old until I was well into being a teen ager.  

I cant believe now that my parents let me take a small guinea pig to nursery school (4 years old) for a show and tell. I remember quite well that I held the pig and it fell from my arms from pretty high up.  But luckily was not injured.  I guess my parents trusted me to act responsibly.  I am not sure I did. 

I had chores quite often to clean the pig cage out and frankly this did not bother me. I liked doing it.  We kept old newspapers and I would just roll up all the old stuff in the cage and put it in a waste bag and lay down new papers and cut up more papers as hiding for the pigs.  Then put in some sort of tunnel they could go through like a quaker oats cardboard container which they loved.  I think we had to clean their cage twice a week, at least once but probably more.  I dont recall that my older brother did anything to take care of the pigs, but maybe my memory is bad. At the beginning we had a huge cage which was in his room .

The point being that it was a fun responsibility for me.  Not only did I have to clean but keep their bottle filled with fresh water and clean the bottle and food pellets in their bowl and give them special food treats like corn husks or green grass or vegetable leaves.  That was always fun, to have them come running when the food was coming and watch them chomp away on the greens.  It was always nice to watch the pigs and take them out and hold them.  Realizing also that I had to make sure if I let them run around that they didnt get in any places I wouldnt be able to get them.  Or to take them outside in a portable cage and turn it over and let them eat grass.  

I think it was very helpful to my growth to be given this FUN responsibilty.  I knew they depended on me and I could give them a better happier life.  If I slacked off my responsibilties they could live in misery and even die.  But why would I slack off when it was rewarding for me?   It was fun to watch them after I had just cleaned their cage and they had new paper and a new quaker oats tunnel to run through and they would go wacko doing this running in circles going throgh the tunnel.  And squeaking as you fluffed up the new newspaper and they hid in it.  And sitting outside in the backyard in spring warm weather reading a book and having your feet on the cage as one pig munched away on the grass.  

So while this was an important responsibility, I have very fond memories of taking care of our guinea pigs and I never really thought of it as work or responsibilty although it was indeed.  Folding the laundry was work, but that is another story.  

So I hope my younger daughter finds the new responsiblity of taking care of the puppies a very fun responsibility.  I dont know what it will involve. We will probably only have them for three months, but we had the baby guinea pigs for even shorter (then we usually gave them free to a pet shop).  And yet in that period there will be things to do, such as weighing the dogs and probably for some time teaching them to walk and then taking them out for walks while we still have them.  Maybe.  It will be a good learning experience for her, as the guinea pigs were for me. In the same way it was sad for me to see the little pigs go (but many times we kept one) I am sure my daughter will cry when the puppies leave us.  But that is a learning experience too. 

In short it is important to keep pets when you have kids growing up.  I strongly recommend it.  While on one side you have to watch that your kids dont mistreat the animals and maybe inadvertantly injure them, like i nearly did when I took the pig to show and tell, the responsibility of taking care of the pets is worthwhile work which hopefully is both fun and educational which provides (fond) memories for ones whole life.   

Listened to but didnt finish listening because it is an incredibly long and epic album, the just released (June 22, 2023)   Swans Album  "The Beggar"   

Extra appendage. Agh agh get it off, its killing her!!

I was in the middle of a post about how my daughter is more liberal than I am, and how did that come to pass?  When who should walk in the door at 1 am ? My daughter.  

The one hander

Now how and why did that happen?  I thought she was supposed to sleep over at a friends house?  But no, she was just walking around town for five hours and didnt have any supper.  So she came home at 1 am and basically says, "Where is dinner?"  Doh.

Yes, teenagers suck.  Although granted partyers do about the same but at 5am.  But she isnt a partyer, she is 14.  Or maybe I am wrong.   

At any rate, the point being, that she came home at 1am and what does she start doing?  Texting someone!!!!!   Argh.  I yell, go to bed, its 1am.  "But I"m hungry", she says.   Of course there is "nothing to eat" in the house so she wants to call McDonalds.  No way Jose I say, not at 1am, not delivering to my house at 1am.  

So she heats up some noodles and all the while her phone is in her hand.  I yell at her, "go to bed, or eat something, but get that phone out of your hand" 

"I m texting someone" is the yelled answer as if this is as important as saving the world.  She is holding off the international terrorists, world hunger and global warming because she is texting someone.  It is THAT important.  At 1am.  

To sound really sexist, but it really seems like the phone is an extra appendage of mostly young adult women and girl teenagers.  I notice that in my store. The ones who really dont know anything about music or my shop just walk around with their phone in their hand taking a picture or even filming. I hate being a museum piece, I dont like store tourists.  

Years ago, everyone would laugh at the Japanese tourists for taking pictures of everything.  In fact if you wanted to stereotype a Japanese person you made believe that you had a camera to your face. They would take pictures of any and everything:  inside stores, a light pole, an ordinary street.  Now all the girls have their phones and take pictures, more pictures than the Japanese ever did.  But these are young girls from a different generation, they never knew the joke about the Japanese camera happy tourists.  So now they are the same stereotype.... and worse.  Disgustingly worse.  

There it is in their hand.  ALL THE TIME!  

I want to take a picture of all the picture takers and put them up on my IG page, but I dont have an IG page being an old geezer who still only has facebook.  (young adult women /girls with phones in their hands never use facebook).  

Hasnt anyone invented an app where if you take a picture of something it messes up your camera, or something explodes in your face?   If I were a superhero I would invent that.  Tony Stark industries, invents the exploding selfie.  Or one of the super villains.  Green Goblin for instance and gives the app to Peter Parker who takes a picture for his journalistic job while swinging and the photo snaps his webbing and he falls.  Your phone catches fire or something if you take a picture of one of my records.  Please invent that. 

I had an exceptionally devilish album cover and I wrote on the cover that if you take a picture of this album cover you will be possessed by the devil within two weeks.   I really hope it wasnt a joke.  

But to get back to my daughter who is currently saving the world by texting her friend at 1.30am, so it is imperative that she does this, tell me how you can get anything done?  How do you make your 1am dinner with one hand holding a phone? Will they have new fangled TV dinners that can be heated up and eaten all with one hand so that people can be texting, my daughter, while she makes said dinner?  New Swanson TV dinner out now.  

Will it be spaghetti with ketchup?  That was made solely with one hand and will be eaten with one hand.  A mazing.  

It really does no good to yell at her as she just yells back at me that she must save the world with her texting.  "I m texting", she yells, as if this is ok because she is not on that dreaded anti christ Tik Tok which I hate even more.  

I wonder if I just stopped paying her phone bill. But people tell me that wont work as you can still send messages with whats app, you dont in fact need credit. Am I right or wrong?  My younger daughter doesnt have credit much of the time and it seems she can only read her messages but not answer them.  And if an emergency comes along and she cant use her phone to call, wasnt that the purpose we gave them a phone in the first place?  

Who was this jerk Steve Jobs or Black Berry anyway ?  

Isnt there some happy compromise some parents have developed which allows the phone service but disallows an overly amount of all the bad stuff?  My wife had it rigged that they had one hour a day on line.  But my older daughter figured out how to disengage that and I think it messed up my younger daughter because when we were out of the country she couldnt use whats app to call her mother. Or maybe I am wrong.  

Oh, I give up.  No, wait. I wont give up.  There must be an answer to this bastard appendage that grows on teenager girls hands and continues until they are young adults.   It is a cancer that must be extracted.  An addiction.  A, a,   

spaghetti and ketchup invention.    

Got the new Craven Faults album for sale on CD and 2LP 

I finally got the chance to listen to it here while I was writing

A Single Child

 

In the last two weeks my older daughter was away on a school travel with her class leaving only one daughter at home.  I thought I would put my ideas down on how having one child around the house stacks up against two.  

Positives. 

A.  A lot easier to concentrate on "this project" 

Basically you can concentrate on this and only this "project".  Its like the opposite of multitasking.  To go off on a tangent, everyone is so arrogant these days about multitasking.  Doing two or three things at once.  On one gadget talking to one person and working on a report on another.  Or whatever.  Big deal.  People talk to me saying that honing the multitask skill is necessary.  I say, go to hell.  Concentrating on one thing at a time makes for a better product.  

That is what it was like with one child.  I could channel all my time and love into one child.  Doing and planning things is a lot easier.  Dinner: no conflicts. 

Dynamics: no conflicts. This is important because with two or more there is always dynamics, lets say a yin and yang of doing anything, which you have to be aware of and balance.  Two or more kids, you have to compromise and remember who got what last time and whose turn it is this time etc etc.  And not upset ANYONE.  

B.  A lot quieter 

Since my older daughter is the whirlwind of eye and sound entropy , it was a lot more peaceful in the house.  I hope I have this meaning correct.  

C.  Time easier to allocate

Along with A, time was easier to plan. Ping pong on Sunday or some outing on Sunday if my daugther was home.  If not, then my time was for me.  Simple.  She was satisfied with my pancakes. My other daughter never is.  

D.  More relaxed and less tension in the house

I mean, there wasnt much reason to yell or nag.  The wind was taken out of my sails if I said for the second time,  "time for bed", and she said, "ok".  Cant argue with that.  With two and more.  Its like logisitics.  "But she was in the bathroom (or toilet) the whole time and I couldnt get in."  "It wasnt my fault." "How come she gets to stay up later than I do?"   None of that.  

To sum, there is much more energy for creating ONE GREAT product and not be diverted or diversified.  Both are bad in this case.  

Negatives.

A. You just dont learn as much

Having just one of anything is like looking at ONE cell under the microscope.  Its great for looking at that one specimen, but it really doesnt tell you much.  How it interacts, what to do when it does interact? Is it violent or peaceful?  You can get no information on how you are doing with this product because you dont really know how it will interact when it comes to society.  Interacting is two or more and when you see how someone acts in the presence of others, then you get a much better idea of what needs to be done and what teaching is necessary.  One... is misleading to say the least.  

B. It is bad for the ONE

Granted this was only two weeks, but even so, an only child, I have always maintained, is unhealthy for that one child.  Maybe they dont learn how to interact either and since they get the full attention they think they always should.  Sometimes they demand it.  In other words they can get very spoiled.  I wonder how all the one child children grew up in China under the one child policy?  Do they have a nation of spoiled adults there now?   I would be afraid.   

C. No dynamics.  

And again, without "others" you dont learn how to balance and compromise and share.  You the parent dont realize that you are lacking on learning dynamics.  If I might go off on a pet peeve of mine and compare it with silicon valley.  None of those people really know how the rest of the world operates.  They only know what they make and assume that if the whole world adopted their products everyone would be better.  They dont realize that all over the world people move at different paces.  In fact they are a community of spoiled brats and they lord it over the rest of society in that "if you dont adopt our technology you will lose out and drop behind, and that is your fault, not ours".  

On a small level, dynamics in the household is important.  Things can break down when there is a dictator that doesnt understand that compromise and give and take is a full community action and reaction.  

Dynamics, even though they are frustrating and sometimes head scratching, are important to get your head around and adopt. Otherwise it just becomes "me over you".  

So I guess in conclusion, it was a nice time and somewhat of a breather, but to live with this situation the whole time might even be harmful and counterproductive.  I sometimes wonder how it would have been with three kids. What I am missing out on.  But I guess the major difference is between one and more and after that it is just a matter of making smaller portions to accommodate the whole family.  What would four have been like over three?  And on and on.  Enough to have the difference between one and more. That is the important thing. And I have that.  And I think it was important that my daughters had the dynamic they had between each other and they will grow up stronger because of it.  

Please leave a message for me if you would like to use any part of this or the whole or any other of my writings.  I will send you my email.  

Thanks for reading otherwise.  

I didnt listen to anything while writing this, but I was impressed to learn that James McBride went to my college and I have an album of his.