Easter egg hunting which method? A typically banal and trite tale by Max

I have been looking for and then hiding Easter eggs from the Easter Bunny for so many years that if I still had the eggs from my first hunt they would be fossils now.   So I am so shocked as to how this problem never ever came up in all my years of Easter eggs.  Such a big problem that it will cause me to change the methodology of Easter egg hiding in future years to see if something works better. 

I don't know.  Maybe since I was the youngest, my older sisters let me find some eggs even though they found them themselves first. Maybe. I dont know. They never said anything if they did. And as far as I recall we never compared how many eggs we each found and cried if we found less than our siblings. But then again, maybe my selective memory is blocking out problems which did occur when I was young, but I don't remember.  Maybe. 

Let me re create this sad sad tale. 

Last week from this writing was Easter.  As a tradition that stretches back to time immemorial, or at

A picture of me coloring eggs with my dad in the 60s...
wait, that might not be me.. or my father

least the 1960s in my family, the Easter bunny gave me stuff to hide for my daughters.  I think this was the first time we were out at the weekend cottage so I was given chocolates by the Bunny to hide both in the house and outside in the expansive garden.   I have always been the contact for the Bunny and he (or she) just gives me the contents, and it is up to me to hide them.   Me and Easter Bunny have, from prior years, worked out a long contract which I could post here as exhibit A, but um...its not in digital form, so it would be a lot of time to do so. 

At any rate, I hid an even amount of chocolates inside and outside.  I mean the Easter Bunny couldn't hide them overnight outside or they would have been eaten by animals or something.  Just one reason he has me do it.  Anyway, I digress again. 

It was meant and hoped that each girl would  find the same amount of chocolate pieces but somehow it came to be that my younger daughter had 2 more than my older with just one more chocolate to find.  So, a little too soon, I said, "and one more bonus is hidden in the hallway."  They both raced out there and again my younger daughter found that one too (placed in the dogs food bowl... while there was still food in it.  Wasn't that just plain nasty of me?  It was an ugly joke).   And then the mood of my older daughter changed to sulking and anger.  She started to yell at her sister that it was meant for her to find and it was no fair SHE had found it.  Not only that, but the younger sister,  very competitive when it comes to getting chocolate one would gather, was not playing by any "fair" rules and subsequently ALSO found the last chocolate in the other room.   Now my older daughter was just plain depressed with the situation, and furious with her sister.

"No fair.  No fair.  I should have found those last two.  The bonus was for me, AND the last one too.  No fair.  You shouldn't have found those.  They were for me." 

My family pose for the Easter egg hunt.  Oh wait
those aren't my daughters.  Mmm, that's not me either, but it is...
oh, not my wife either.

But her sister didnt pay any attention. 

There were still all the chocolates out in the garden, but to make a longer story shorter, my older daughter was angry and sad and she sulked the rest of the time and didn't care about looking for the chocolates anymore, or so it appeared.  The atmosphere was very damp, the game was not fun and the whole Easter tradition ruined this year.  If Niagara Falls had been near, I would have jumped into the river to go over the Falls.  And for anyone who has stood at the precipice of Niagara Falls before the water drops, on the Canadian Falls side, and has seen the water going over the edge, will know how scary this is.  But I would have jumped, just to end it all. I was just so sad the whole tradition this year had come off like this. 

I tried to surreptitiously help my older daughter find more chocolates outside, but she just sort of moped through it all and that didn't work either.  She was just so angry that her little sister had not played by fair rules of the game. And I had had such great hiding places out in the garden too.  Lost cause. 

What made matters worse was just two days ago, my older daugther had said she couldn't wait for the annual egg/chocolate hunting this year.  She was really looking forward to it.  All gone down the drain.

So, I repeat my question from the beginning: How is it, this problem has never occurred before?  When i was young, I really dont recall any fights or sadness that so and so found many more eggs and so and so didnt find as many.  Or maybe I am not remembering?  Maybe it did happen?  Should I ask my sisters?  I really dont want to. They'll think I am nuts.  Or they won't remember or care. 

And to the best of my knowledge it hasn't happened with my daughters before.  Maybe in all years passed they always found equal amounts?  I doubt it..  How have I overlooked this problem before?
Really you can not imagine the heartbroke I experienced because my older daughter was so devastated with her meager findings at the hands of her sister. 

stock photo fron internet of girls looking
for Easter eggs.  eh.... yawn.

So next year I am going to use methodology hunting instructions B or C.  Either B, they will each have their own chocolates (or whatever) to look for.  Daughter older will look for red and blue and younger daughter yellow and green, or whatever.  The only problem with that I keep thinking is that if one sister finds an egg of the other, they may rehide it where the other sister wont find it, like throw it in the toilet or in the garbage or something.  Then what?  I guess I could say, I dont know where that one is and hide another right away? 

OR method C,  I will have a communal pot and all product either daughter finds will go into one bowl to be divided equally after the show.  I can imagine that they may not like this method and will object because they would rather be competitive with each other and say, "I have four, how many do you have?"  Some of the fun will be taken out of it if they will have to pool the findings.  But I may have to squelch their dissent if they dont like this. 

Any ideas out there?  Any suggestions?  Any stories?  Don't overwhelm the system and all answer at once.  But I would appreciate any comments on what worked best for you if you have experienced this problem, or have in fact not because you had a good system. 

A couple weeks ago when we started lockdown because of covid-19 I first started finally organizing my whole record collection and putting some order to my Techno and House records.  I got the Techno stuff in order, but not the House music yet.  So while I have been writing I have been stopping every 7 minutes to turn over a House single or put a new one on.  Some of this stuff I haven't listened to in fifteen years and have forgotten what it was.  It is a very pleasurable rediscovery.  It feels like (listening for) the first time. 

NRK was a great label for deep house and house.  Miguel Migs "Laptop Excursion" on the "Feel It" single I really love.  Sadly I dont have any Ian Pooley on vinyl, just some on CD. I ll have to listen to the CD ep "The Allnighter"  I have tomorrow.  Really have a taste for that.  He  had the sound nailed.  What is he doing now? Answer: still mixing. The MAN!

Why yell? It does not help at all. It just leaves everyone angry

Even on the fifth floor when the windows were closed I could hear this guy shouting on the street.  What a complete moron.  I looked out the window and see this guy walking back and forth on the corner and yelling into his speaker phone.  A) He was a drug addict waiting for his fix and the fix was late as usual and so the guy was getting the shakes.  Or B) he was a mental case and wasn't really talking to anyone, just shouting.  (I am sure you have heard this at least once where someone is having a heated discussion on their phone but when you listen carefully you realize there is no one on the other end of the phone?)

The guy was a jerk, but really what was he going to accomplish?  His dealer wasn't going to come running over there post haste because the guy was yelling at him.  If anything it would

just slow the dealer down, give him a good laugh that the fix is going crazy.  If the shouter WAS mentally unstable, well then it wasn't meant to accomplish anything besides .... besides, um, give the mental guy some sort of relief? 

Unless you are a very abusive father and back up your yelling with physical abuse so that your children are afraid of you, yelling at your kids is of limited value. 

Take a friend who has a retail shop. The landlord comes to yell at him if the rent is one day late.  What good does it do?  My friend hates his landlord even more and he tries to devise  plans of how to cheat his landlord.  Granted he makes sure his rent is mostly paid on time, or to warn the landlord if it will be late, but if he sees some hole or loop where he can cheat his landlord, he takes it.  He has no respect for the landlord.  The landlord offers him no benefits in return for his early payment.  IF the landlord would lower the rent, my friend would respect him more and feel that he was fair and pay the rent on time, I am sure of that.  OK granted, the landlord doesn't care about charity he just wants to get his money on time as he probably has his own payments to make.  But unless it is backed up with a penalty, the equivalent of abuse, what good does it get the landlord?  What does he care, he doesn't need respect.

Maybe it is a bad example. Most people dont deal with a person when they have to pay something these days.  It is all computer operated and the amount is due and if it is late the computer sends a late notice and or a penalty.  No arguments.  Only hackers can mess with the computer.

But we are dealing with personal contact with kids and parents, not heartless computers.  So the example makes sense. 

Really do you have good standing and do you or your kids feel comfortable around you after you have been yelling at them?  Yes you too.  Do you feel good around YOU after you have been yelling?  It just makes them want to avoid you for however length of time it takes to get back to better atmosphere or the whole thing has been forgotten or sort of brushed under the rug.  How long can that take?  And again, if you are just a bag of yells then your kids will avoid you all the time and then where will your yelling have gotten you?  It could come down to alienation of you from your kids.  I dont know.  Maybe that is what you want.  So you won't have to deal with them anymore.  I could think of better methods, but if this is what your goal is... why did you have kids in the first place? You didn't want them in the first place and now you are trying to get rid of them?  I dont know. This is leading us down a spiraling hole to nowhere.  You just want some peace and quiet?  Do you want peace and quiet in a household with a really bad atmosphere? Or lots of good feeling and good atmosphere?  You have your kids, so maybe wouldn't it be better to find a positive solution of parent and child rather than an aggressive loud mouthed one?  

Take my example of the last few weeks where for some reason I had been yelling at my older daughter more than usual.   It would just get my adrenaline going and when it got going it had trouble stopping.  So you sit there and yell and yell, longer than you meant to or you had words for.   It developed that she would say whenever I came in her room that she was working on it, or that she was finished and she had only now started playing a game, just for a break.  After a week or so, she just started yelling back at me and then we both didn't like each other.  Then you can't even be in the same room, or you avoid each other.  Then what?  It was an impasse.  

I stopped it. I stopped yelling.  Now I just ask her if she needs any help from me if there is something I can help her with or if I can make her a cup of tea. I have heard they have full class skype meetings at least once a day and that has made me happier perhaps that she is actually still being schooled in this difficult time when we all have to be at home.   While it isn't "soothed" over, I think my adrenaline doesn't increase and I stay more relaxed.  Fight or flight among family members is not ideal.   

Next week if I get the chance I will look into why perhaps we do yell and see if there is an answer for it, alternatives to yelling.  

To tell you the truth. I have been home alone this week and working very hard.  I have had to listen to the Gratefull Dead to relax and smile.  I used to own these albums.  

Happy Easter everyone and stay safe and please wear your masks when you go outside or are in contact with people you dont know or aren't sure are safe.  

Walking on a rug of nails. Life during corona virus time.

How can I go wrong with melted cheese sandwiches??  Why should I worry so much?

So last week was the second week of being at home with the kids. You must know the schools are closed and the kids are just given school work to them from an online site.  They have a connection with the teacher sometime once during the day.  My wife is at home too, but she works at her job from home.  My job is on hold, erased for the time being.  So I try to be the caretaker exemplar. 

Man,  I have gone down hill since the kids have gotten older.  I used to be better at it.  Am I out of practice?   What happened?  

To go back further and explain.  I admit, I notice it myself that I am nagging and even yelling at the kids more.  Even before we had to stay at home because of Corona virus.  I started nagging my older daughter.  Now 11, I nag her more about getting her work done first and practicing guitar before she plays video games and watches TV.  That had to be law. That is reasonable and found in many homes I would think.  But, sadly, if the law is rammed down someone's throat, I guess it has less of a chance of being followed.  Or more of a chance of it being broken.  I still want her to have fun and be a kid.  

By the time Corona virus came around and we have been inside every day, I feel it is useless to tell her what to do and what she has to do during the day.  It is either met with "Yeah yeah yeah, I know, I ll get to it."  Or, "I did it already and I only started watching TV (or playing video games) five minutes ago."  

So, a couple days ago, I decided to try to forget it.  I would do stuff for them, and still ask what they had to do and say, I hope you are doing it, but not yell or say anything more.  I dropped the vegetables issue and have reverted to just putting a plate of veggies on the table for meals and if they eat some, great, if not, well they see I eat them all the time and they are there.  A bowl of fruit is always on the table.  But, I am not going to push or yell.  Or at least try hard not to.  

In fact I have turned 180 degrees the other way.  I want to be on their good side and try to be a loved parent, again.  Maybe.  So I try to make everything perfect, even the small things.  Do you like this? Is it ok if I make... for lunch?  Do you mind that?  How do you like that food done?  Maybe I can try making that food again with your help and you can show me how to make it the way you like it and think it should be made.  

Pandering.  
But is that such a bad thing?  
Maybe 
Maybe not

I wont be a slave. I tell them.  Admittedly sometimes I have to be.  I wont let their dishes stay in their room longer than a day. So if they are there a long time,  arggggh, I have to clean them up.  

So, on Thursday I was in charge of making lunch.  And this is how it went.  

"Girls, do you like the melted cheese sandwiches?" 

Have always loved gouda cheese

(Emphatic) "Yes," from my older girl.  
"Whats that?", asked my younger daughter.  
"I only have gouda cheese, is that ok?" I asked.   
"Yes.  Which is gouda?"
"Do you want anything else on the sandwich?  Any ham?  Or paprikas (joke because they hate paprikas) or anything?"
"No!  Just the cheese."
"Well, I will put some extras on mine.  You can try them if you want. They will be ready in 40 minutes. Is that ok?  I ll start them in 10 minutes and then it will be half an hour.  Ok?"  
"Ok, that is fine."  
"Oh, sorry if I forgot to knock on the door this time to your room. I thought I did, but I am sorry if I did not."  

Bake bake bake. 

"Hey girls, letting you know the food will be ready in about 5 to 10 minutes.  Ok?   Maybe finish what you are working on.  Lunchtime soon. Will you be done with your work, can you take a break?"

Seriously, I sound like the hired help don't I?    

"Wash your hands.  Do they look done? Or maybe cook another couple minutes?  Yeah, I think, another two minutes to cook." 

I went away to wash my hands again and when I came back they were sitting at the table. I felt like I had to tiptoe. I felt like I was walking on a bed of nails.  I couldnt walk so hard. I had to be careful or I would hurt somebody or something.  Me.

"OK, which sandwich do you want?  You can have 1.5 of Mommy's leftovers.  Maybe you like them better.  And 1.5 for your sister.  Then which one of these do you want?  ........"

Basically I tried as hard as possible to make my children happy. I tried to do things in a nice way and to keep them comfortable. I didn't want to yell at them for anything. I would accept any criticism they dished out for the food (pun intended).  I was calm, cool and OK with everything.   Treat them like princesses. 

The cheese sandwiches came off fine.  But how can you go wrong with melted cheese sandwiches?   You may ask that.  I asked that, but it can.   Forget the vegetables. I put a plate of lettuce and carrots in the middle but said nothing about having to eat them.  They were there  if they wanted them.  When I was a kid we had to.... No no no, dont start that again.  That sets you in the wrong direction.  Times have changed.  

Its just that the whole ordeal exhausted me.  Have you ever been exhausted by making melted cheese sandwiches?  No of course not.  But the whole situation just got my adrenaline going as if I was in a fight or flight situation.  I could have run away any minute.  Flight was an option.  I was dead tired after lunch.  Let me lie down for a bit.  

Got to listen to Paul Desmond.  He always relaxes me.  

(Disclosure:  I own this CD and listened to the CD itself, not a computer version of it)

No Respect for Daddy

Good Times

Last post,  ages and ages ago, I talked about the summertime and just me taking care of my daughters.  Me responsible for everything, but me reaping all the rewards of being a good father having a great time with his daughters.  That time was very favorable.  Now the times have been a changing, and not in my favor.  

In this very very difficult time during the Corona Virus

Bad Times

pandemic, everyone in our family is staying at home.  We live in a European country (not Italy) and most of the governments in Europe (besides the UK) have very strict, draconian rules in place now.  Most businesses are shut, including mine.  My wife is working from home.  Masks are necessary to have to go outside.  They are really trying hard to contain this virus and then shut it down.  I am being hurt, but I accept what they are doing.  If we did nothing the death count could spiral into a major catastrophy and destroy the economy anyway.  Seriously.

You know I ve had my share

Well, anyway, we are all at home.  Tempers are going to go bad and fly off (probably more on that subject in my next post).  We still get out some, but we spend a good deal of time in the house and dont see anyone else.

The connection with my last post is that now I have absolutely no clout with my kids.  In the summer time I was the man and they listened to me and mostly we got along and if I said something, most of the time they listened to me and did what I wanted.  I didnt have to yell. 

No such thing here and now.  Mommy has all the clout.  Daddy gets no respect.  Its frustrating and I gave a sigh just as I was writing that.  Now I  yell at them and tell them to do things and it amounts to hot air blowing out of my lungs.  In fact they talk back to me and throw stupid questions in my face which only get me angrier.  I asked my daugther from the morning to practice her guitar.  It didnt happen until 9pm and of course after Mommy got on her case too.  What happened to my credibility?  I am angrier, I note that, and yes I realize that the more you yell, the less it works, but when Mommy comes in with a super yell and "Enough of this" they get down to business and listen to her. 

This does not bode well for the long term. If this virus keeps us in this situation for an extended period, and an extended period is a month, which it looks like is going to happen I think my daughters will be yelling AT ME and refusing to do anything I ask them to do.  OR, just not listen to me.   It has just been a week and a half at this time of writing. 

What happened here?  Mommy is the boss and they listen to her.  I might as well check out of here or just not say anything.  Everything I ask them to do comes to naught.  A very bad situation.  Frustrating for me as I already mentioned. 

No respect for Daddy. 
What happened? 
This link is a very long blog of what I am talking about, though this guy has much more anger.  The article just about perfectly hits my situation on the head.  Just about.
https://www.greatschools.org/gk/articles/angry-daddy-cant-get-no-respect/

Please practice social distancing now. Wear masks and be safe and, stay away from people for now.  It could mean your life and others. 
Would appreciate any comments which mean something, not bot comments or people touting their business or products.  Kind of annoying.  Stay well besides.  And listen to more Bob Dylan if you are getting upset and covid is getting you way down

Endings and Beginnings Part I

I dislike endings.  Maybe I am afraid of them too.  The end of movies, the ending of  a book (but not a chapter), even the end of my teaching classes.  The worst, however, is the end of the school
 year.  It was even bad when I was a kid.


Back then June was pretty nice.  The days were long and hot and a lot of  us were playing soccer in the big backyard
of a friend down the street. Or the people right next to the soccer yard were very kind and opened up their backyard pool to the neighborhood.  They all had huge backyards on the OTHER side of the street.  We just had normal size backyards.  But anyway, June was nice because school wasn't so hard in June and we just had lots of time to mess around.  Still I think I liked March or April the best.  Sometime still in the thick of the plot long enough away from the end.

Soccer house on left, open pool on right

When the end of June rolled around my family had to prepare for our vacation and close our regular house and make a big travel to our summer house.  Mind you, by the time we got to our summer house, I was very happy and excited.  But that was a known BEGINNING and not an end.

You may be asking, what does this have to do with the price of sheep and being a father?  Well, besides the fact that I just like to reminisce a bit,  it is still the same now that I am a father.  The end of the school year is sad.  The worst was two years ago when my youngest daughter finished three years of pre school and both my girls were done with that school.  We wouldn't be going back there anymore.

But I think the biggest, toughest part about finishing something is the fear of moving on and knowing that you have to start, perhaps, something new or unknown.  Beginnings are often not comfortable.  They are out of the comfort zone.  Not like the middle of March or April.

This year was even more frightening because it would be the first summer where I would be taking care of my daughters by myself.  In last summers my Mother was there for support and a lot of help.  My wife has to stay home and go to her job.  But this year my Mother would not be with us in the vacation as she was staying down in the hot hot South and we would be in the temperate pleasant North.  (We would visit her for a week, but ultimately the heat in the south didn't make it very enjoyable).

For three weeks it would just be me and the daughters.  I mean, the name of my blog is 40 per cent daddy at home and I have been taking care of them , sometimes more and sometimes less, but this was a big move to do everything myself.  To be responsible for having everything in place including three meals a day plus snacks.  Even for a loving care taker father this is a bit daunting.  Or maybe I am only speaking for myself.  But maybe not.  Understand the situation.  There was no other person around to fall back on if something went wrong or got messed up.  No wife or mother or anyone around.

Not only was I travelling half way across the world with them as usual, but then renting the car,  being the driver every time, buying the groceries, making sure the food is in the fridge and the meals will be planned for some time of day to be eaten and getting around everywhere, or even just staying in place.  All up to me. Or should I say down to me?  Granted as happened on the second day, if the food isn't in place to get cooked and eaten, I can fall back on taking them out to dinner.  I know many people cant have that back up.

OK, so I live in the western world and things are easier to take care of, .... but still....... Three weeks.  Everything is my responsibility.  Two little kiddlers.  Just me.

End of Part I

Spider Lake, Michigan

DNA vs Bad Parenting.

Some years ago I posted a video on my personal face book site.  It showed  a kid about 5 or 7 banging a shopping cart into another 30 ish man, not his father, just a stranger, in the waiting line at the supermarket.  The man opens a carton of milk he is buying and pours it on the head of the kid.  The kid starts crying.  I took the post down after a couple days after many people told me the guy SHOULD have poured the milk on the mothers head.  After all, 1) she wasn't doing anything to stop her kid from hitting the man, or not enough and 2) she was the parent.  The kid is her son.  She should have taught him, or disciplined him in general that you don't do that kind of thing.  In other words, it was her fault as a bad parent.

https://www.opposingviews.com/category/man-grows-tired-unruly-boy-hitting-him-grocery-cart-while-mother-ignores-situation-video

I took the video down, but in recent months I have had second thoughts about this whole theme.  Let me explain.

Not my daughter, just some random photo 

For many years and over many topics I was always half worrying, 'oh, i better teach my girls correctly or else people will think I am a bad parent'.  Even now I criticize them when they eat their food with their fingers and ask them if they do that in school and I tell them under no circumstances may they eat with their fingers at other peoples houses.  After all what would the other parents think of my wife and I?  That we couldn't teach our kids to eat with a fork and knife and they don't know how to? Or that we don't care to teach them manners?  And we don't teach them how to be polite and not arrogant and share and say thank you ... and all that stuff.

But lately, I start to think where does some of this stuff come from? It ain't me.  I am not a nasty...  Well, my younger girl, she can be really mean a lot of times and teases.  And it isn't me.  I try to teach her to be nice and not tease her sister.  I tell her 'dont talk like that, say it nicer. Why do you have to be so mean when you say it? I didn't teach you any of that.'  And I didn't.  I am a very pleasant guy and was even more pleasant and nice when I was a small tyke.  I wasn't mean.  I didn't yell at people when I was three and get upset that someone got a pizza with black olives instead of green.  I was happy to get a pizza. But this girl... where did it come from? Or where DOES it come from?

I keep asking her, 'can you say that in a different way?  Please use nicer language and don't yell or call people stupid if they don't remember what you said or don't do it exactly how you want it'. I ask my wife, 'were you a nasty kid?' And she says no. I was a nice kid.  I have to believe her.  But where has it come from?  We teach them to be polite and nice.  

So, i say to myself, 'you know, I am not a bad parent. I don't teach my daughter to be nasty and yell at people, to yell at her father.  I try to teach her to say it nicely.  'You make me angry' she says.  It has to come from inside her.  There must be a DNA for anger.

I have asked this question before and I have been warned that laymen (me) show their stupidity by blaming things on DNA, but, but, where is the behavior coming from? It has to be from some distorted, mutated DNA. OR some DNA from some other family member.  Maybe my side of the family.  Maybe my grandma wasn't a nice person.  Maybe she was mean and passed on a recessive gene for nastiness??  And it is showing up in my daughter, it didn't show up in me or my mother, but my daughter.  Maybe.

And so was it really the mothers fault that her son was banging the other guy with the shopping cart?  Well, she could have yelled at her son harder and physically pulled the cart out of his hands.  But as far as the fact that the kid was doing it in the first place, NO.  Maybe she tried to teach him every day, that is not the way to behave, but he does it anyway.  He ll end up in prison and I couldn't say definitively it was because he had bad parents.  And maybe HE deserved the milk on his head and it taught him that he can do these things, but he will pay the price too.  Maybe his mother didn't and couldn't teach him that. I mean its not like SHE was going to pour milk on his head if he was bad.  It took a stranger to get angry with the brat and teach him consequences.  As a result he wont go to jail.  Although he still might because he has the DNA to be mean.  And he is going to end up knifing someone or smashing someones head on the concrete.  And I doubt that will be the fault of his mother.

Just some thoughts on my part.  Thank you for reading.  Make a comment if you like.

Daddy the Disciplinarian. Why me?

Yes, it is March now and this is my first post for the year.  I always have ideas in my head and stories to tell in the ongoing life of Daddy 40%, but .... I guess I am doing other things that preoccupy my mind and time more.  Not to mention that I am not as good at staying up later to write as I used to be.  But I am not cancelling my blog, like others. In fact I will write more posts this year than last.

So, we were finishing off the Christmas holidays, yes I know, way way in the past now, and we sat down to watch a family movie together.  There is enough room on the couch for all four of us.  Two daughters age 7 and 10,  two parents and potato chips and all.

I am very skeptical about my role as disciplinarian.  This role for the father remains his job well into the 21st century even as mothers became single parents in droves, even as fathers became the primary caretaker of their kids in... well increasing amounts.  Which means they have to be both security blanket AND chief nagger of kids in duality roles.

If fathers are staying home with their kids and taking care of toddlers lives, or even older KIDS lives, why do they have to be the disciplinarian also?  It seems like its a contradiction of roles.  I speculate that even when mothers are acting as single parents, the father is still visiting once in a while and acts then as disciplinarian, or even from afar, "what would your father say?"  I may be wrong.

I recall my Sister in law was very strong with her kids.  My brother had a job in which he was on the road for long periods of time.  But when he came home, he was disciplinarian.

Why?

I hate being a disciplinarian.  Kids always hate, and I do mean HATE, the disciplinarian.  He is doing it out of love, but gets no love back.  Only, "yeah, sure sure", "I'm going I'm going".  Leave me alone, I did it already. Go away". 

It seems that as roles change and become more equal and the sexes become more equal in the role of parenting, women could be more of the hard nose disciplinarian. But really, in stereotyping in the media and television, save for Mommy Dearest, do you ever have the mother being a real terrorizer to the kids?  I mean even in Grimm's fairy tales and TV the mother will never beat the kids.  She may yell at them, but never has physical contact.

Don't get me wrong, hitting kids is in my book wrong, very wrong.  I don't condone it, nor do I think society does anymore, as it did whipping in older days.  But in all the history and especially current history, has there been any mention of mother physically disciplining the kids? Don't you think it happened?

But no.  mom, mother, is always the love giver, the security for the kids.  Dad is shown as the strict upholder of the rules and laws.

Why me?

I am a pretty gentle guy who does not like aggression (except I don't mind it in music).  While I have much heated debate on the verge of conflict with business people and even friends, I stay away from potential violent situations such as bars and conversation with narcissistic, arrogant types. (I could make a good joke at this point, but I will keep it out).  I even stopped Facebook commenting because it was just getting too heated and nasty.

So why am I the one who still has to push them to get to bed each evening?  Why am the one who has  to push my daughter to practice guitar more?  My older daughter doesn't let me kiss her anymore "because I m a boy", and I really miss this.  I mean even to give her a peck on the head, she gets angry.  And it makes me sad.  why cant my wife be in this position for all these things?

I don't have the answer.  If there is anyone out there who has statistics on this issue, I would be interested.  Maybe I am wrong.  Maybe there are statistics showing dads are not the disciplinarians as much anymore.  I would like to see them. I don't believe it.  As the male parent of the family I am, by default, the enforcer, the punisher.  Something I did not ask for.

So there we are sitting on the couch on the Saturday or Sunday before school starts again.  All the amenities in place.  The movie starts.  A five minute car chase in which people are shot at repeatedly, heads and brains are shown being shot off and people skidding on motorcycles for meters and meters and much of it in slow motion such as where the head comes off.  Then it goes on and the hero threatens a person with death if he continues to stalk someone. He makes his point that he means business and the death will happen.  No questions asked.  Then we are in a bar where the "hero" starts talking about sucking another characters ..... HOLD IT, ENOUGH OF THIS.  WE ARE NOT WATCHING THIS.  STOP RIGHT NOW.    I took the DVD out.  This is not good for a ten year old, let alone a 7 year old.  How can this be a Marvel comics movie?  We are not watching Deadpool 2 and this is final.  Not now, not for many years.  Who got this?

My kids hated me.  They yelled at me.  They glared at me.  They tried to restart the video, but I took it and hid it.  They said it wasn't so bad and none of the words were bad in translation. We ended up watching Spykids 2 which was incredibly stupid but very friendly.   There was bad atmosphere in the house now, but there was no way I was going to let a violent movie put bad ideas into my girls heads.  This was not life, this was not how life should be presented.  This was a bad example of a non existent life with no value whatsoever, especially for kids.  It portrays everything I am against and not how I want my daughters to see life and use as an example to follow, even if we had seen only 10 minutes of the movie.  NO WAY.

I had to put my foot down.  I had to.  No way to :