Dads, dont be afraid of banality

BANAL

 I went out with my friend last night for tea.  I seem to have this perpetual cough going on since November.  So I try to stay off the alcohol, even coffee and stick with tea. But a first tea turns into a second beer.  

Anyway, I was out with a friend who is quite wise and usually creates a beautiful epithet, or a major thinking point in our discussions.  But this time I pat myself on the shoulder because I think I came up with a doozer of a thought.  

I am going to have to do some explaining on this first and that wont relate to dadding.  But it will end up connecting to being a dad once I get the background down.  

Here. 

I think I have said someplace in some other blog that really your whole day is rather downtempo, ritual except maybe 15 minutes when the adrenalin really gets going and something high tension or really exciting happens.  But that is just for such a little part of the day. I dont care if you are a priest or the president of the United States.  Most of your day is not "on the move".   Even though nobody reads this blog besides me and maybe two others (I dont know them) you are probably saying, "he doesnt have my job".  But sorry I dont care if you are stationed in a military zone or a drug addict, most of your day is low tempo. AND if you do have an event which is high adrenaline for longer, then after the low "nothing happening" is even longer.  You party friday night till Saturday morning and then you sleep for twenty four hours.  A drug addict takes some speed and is speeding for the whole day.  Then he sleeps for 36 or more.  Or if he does keep taking more drugs, then he eventually burns out and goes crazy or dies or sleeps for weeeks on end.  If you are in the army and there is a battle, its crazy for several hours.  Then you sit in your fox hole and nothing happens for a week or you get up your stuff and sludge on.  You get the idea.  The high tension is followed by 4x as much low tempo.  That is my theory.  Like it or laugh at it, but think of any other example.  

And look, if that were not true, I dont think you would live very long.  The adrenaline is not meant to go and go and go. It is used for a spike and then it dies down.  You get passed the battlion and you run run run for a little while then you pass it to someone else and stop.  Or else your boss yells at you or you have a high powered meeting and then you get back to your desk and start writing or look at the computer or get a glass of water and your body... decompresses.  

Anyway. 

MEDIOCRE

The other point is one side of the coin, there is Sheryl Sandberg, writing a book

Im Sheryl, I can do anything

saying "if you would just be like me, you would be a millionaire, or break the glass ceiling, or be a big magnate etc.... "   No no no.  Listen sweetie Sheryl, that is the point, most of us are not you.  Yeah, pat yourself now on the back, you are special, but most of us are not and will not be you or even be like you.  On the other side, there are a lot of weird people it seems who are written about regularly in the bulvar magazines all across the country (in actually any country you live in) who are cutting up their kids and putting them in the freezer. Or trying to shoot mistletoe from a tree with their guns so they can sell it at the christmas market, or have a meth lab in their basement. You would think there is a thousand meth labs in all the small towns. 

 mummified' baby in a box

Although there are a plethora of these stories, the truth is, the grand, great majority of us are neither meth lab baby killers nor Sheryl Sandbergs or even Elon Musk Zuckerbergs, thank god for that.  We are in the middle, mediocre regular people. And that is not a bad thing. And maybe for about 15 minutes, maybe half an hour a day we have a really exciting adrenaline ripping event.  But then we settle back down into our rituals, whatever that may be.  

So, the point being future dads:  If you think that being a dad and staying home from some other job is going to be boring, stunt your career, or deaden your mind. I have news for you.  No it wont, and your regular job is just as mind numbing, boring and even worse maybe than being a dad at home.   In other words, being a dad at home is JUST THE SAME as any other job. It has its 15 minutes of pure adrenaline pumping excitement but most of it is ritual, standard. I can see that you still dont believe me, that your other job is just the same as being a dad, or very close to it.  Think about all the jobs out there and being a parent, probably for a small baby or toddler and if you look at it long enough and put all the jobs in front of you, you will see what I am talking about.  

Really the only difference is, and if more dads stayed at home, I think this would change too, we dont get paid for being a parent.  Males would suddenly wake up and see that the shoe is on the other foot and think that maybe this child raising job wasnt as easy as they thought it was (when only women did it) and that it should be somehow compensated.  But I digress. 

I want to make the announcement.  Dads, dont be afraid of banality.  The truth is, your other paying job wasnt so high powered and being an at home father is just as much if not more high powered.  Look, what were you doing at your other job?  You were organizing marketing campaigns and in meetings but most of the time sitting at your desk thinking and planning and executing. And now what are you doing at home?  You are racing around trying to get things done to keep things from falling apart.  You got to keep the meals coming, which means you have to have the food ready, which means you have to plan it and organize the supplies, all before the tummies start making a lot of noise and people start throwing stuff at you. 

You have to keep the clothes clean, the kids clean (if they are young) and the house clean and the kitchen clean all in a timely manner.  Look, if any one of these areas starts to slip or you let it slide, it will get out of hand and it will be just double the work the next morning.  If you dont do the dishes in the night. They are still there in the morning and more are added to them.  And if you stop getting to them,  the problem is not going to go away, it will just get worse.  Same with having food around.  And unlike the office where you can work on one area to decrease the pile, if you work just on one thing at home, the other areas are just going to pile up and up too. If you suddenly say I am going to get to these dishes, then you realize it is getting later and dinner takes so long to prepare and its going to be terribly late if you dont stop this and start that. 

You have to understand what I am getting at.  And to top it off, there is always a few points in the day which are just truly relaxing, kind of like lunchtime at work, or truly adrenaline pumping.  Ie, if you have a baby it is my opinion that changing the diaper is in a strange way a "go getter" 10 minutes in the day.  It can be a real harrowing activity if you have a hyper baby.  Or for me, getting up at 5 am or sometime in the middle of the night to make a milk was a little like a fireman fighting a fire, yes in a way.  That is my opinion.  Maybe there are other events which get the adrenaline going.  

So can i put this together now? 

The first point is that the great majority of us live our lives in the mediocre middle, which is not a bad thing. We are not high nor low, we are good solid middle people, who dont kill, but are not living on the planet of the billionaires.  Billionaires are really a weird other worldly type of person.  It aint me. You aint one either. 

The second point is, our jobs as dads are going to be just the same as any other job we might have , or we did have or we are not doing because we are a dad.  There are mostly middle mediocre times in which we do our job and try to get it done because we have to and if we didnt, it would only get worse.  

In fact, as the kids get older, there are a lot of nice times like playing monopoly on Sunday or even watching a movie on Saturday night.  In fact that can be nicer than your other job.  Swimmng in the lake every afternoon and tossing the football during vacation.  Come to think of it, unless you really love your job, you might even have more high exciting nice points in your day as dad to your kids than being in some other job which you are just doing your market campaign.

  Dads, dont be afraid,... dont be afraid of being dads.  A) You can do it B)it is really similar to any other job.  

Go for it dads.  

 

2023 Recap 2022. Can I Overcome?

Maybe WE shall overcome.  It is easier to do it together.  But the question is whether I shall overcome by myself for 2023.  In thnking about three problems that were mentioned a lot in 2022, I think I will be lucky on only one of them.  

Lets start out easy with number 1:Food. 

One of the problems I mentioned the most from 2022 is my repertoire of dinners.  In one post I calculate how many dinners I need to know how to make for a three and four week vacation.  I think I can overcome this problem, in other words, I think I can have enough new selections for my summer 2023 repertoire.  

A problem, I notice though, is that many of these potential new meals are thought of as finger food.  Kids meals.  Easy, but not so healthy meals.  Things kids like to eat when they are... well kids, but maybe dont have such great nutritional value for them.  Meals like pizza, hamburgers, submarines, even spaghetti are not high on the nutritional value ladder.  Which sometimes puzzles me. It seems like many Mexican and Italian foods are in this category.  Maybe a level up because it is home cooking from junk food, but again, not of great value.  

This makes me sad and frustrated as I thought I could add some more meals to my repertoire, but admittedly, they might be from this category.   I wanted to learn how to make homemade bread and then pizza is an easy step after that.  My Mother did that.  Then chili con carne, or tacos or enchiladas, but all of these would probably fall in the little better than junk food category.  

So, I think I can increase my repertoire, the question is if I can climb to a higher level of nutritional value in doing so.   ????? That is the real challenge.

The second problem: overcoming the generation gap. 

I was thinking about this more as I rode the train with my teenage daughter to our new years eve cottage location.   Teen agers spend endless time, if you let them, on their gadgets, doing in my opinion valueless stupid things.  Mostly looking at tik tok.  Sorry, but I just have an axe to grind against that app. I watch people looking at it and I cant see any worth in it.  Zero, nada.  People look at small films for 1 to 10 seconds. If a good one catches their eye they may watch it several times or to the end.  But most of the stuff on there is pure crap, and people slide through those films

easier than soft butter.  Ok, I dont get it even though there are hundreds of millions of people watching those videos.  I dont care to get it, I dont want to waste my precious time, even if it means choosing to look out a train window when it is dark outside.  Get it?   Zero value.  Anything else is better.

So stuff like this I cant get over my generation gap.  It wont happen.  It is not so much a generation gap as a technology gap.   Granted there were always these type of gaps in the generations.  From the invention and take off of TV in the 50s to stereo music rock n roll and then computers and now other technologies, I am sure parents have often felt the entertainment was just plain stupid and ... valueless compared to what they grew up with .  Who can argue with this?  Its probably true.  My Father wasnt a TV man because he didnt grow up with it himself.  He must have thought it was mind numbing, and in fact a lot of it is/was that I was watching.  So.... it is just the inherent moving forward of inventions that creates a ge neration    gap.   I experience it with my kids too. So what? Should I learn to love tik tok?  I probably wont, but no big deal really. Its a gap.These will always exist between parents and kids

3.  Getting back to actually being 40 percent daddy at home.   

As I said on a post back in August, I went from 100 percent daddy to 5 to 10 per cent daddy.  Although that was normal as my wife took my kids on vacation after I got back with them, it didnt get much better over the following months.  It was the backwash of the covid times.  During covid I was home A LOT and was doing a lot with/for my kids.  Now, I am in the store A LOT and it has balanced out the time I am not home with my kids with covid times.  

The question is if in the new year and the coming months I can recalibrate and swing the pendulum back a bit so I can be at 25-35 per cent with my kids during the week.  If I could have half the Saturdays off and every Tuesday off that would be great. That would be an improvement.   The thing is, I have to make a lot more money in my business to do that.  That is the crisis, sad truth, of having your own business.  You really have to put the time in your self.  If you are an employee of somebody, you have your hours, thats it.  But having your own small business... you are the one and only lonely who has to take care of everything.   Its possible I could get up to the 6 days (Sunday is always off, so 10 a month), but I cant predict now.  And... time is running out.  My daughters are getting older and bigger and soon when they are both teenagers, probably wont want me messing in on anything they do besides giving them money and buying them stuff and maybe taking them someplace.  Who knows.  But... time doesnt wait for anyone. Time does not stand still.   But sometimes I do.    

I hope, and I think 2023 will be much better than 2022.  Then again, that just might be the euforia of a new year speaking through me, and it will be more or less the same as 2022.  But I have to be optimistic, especially at the beginning of the new year.  

Much success to all, including me, for the coming year.  

Max 

Listening to sone old stuff while writing.  I have the whole fugazi collection. I want to get this Bob Dylan Cd.  

Why do parents still teach fear?

Recently I have been coming into conflict with people on line mostly about movies that are being made and shown in theatres.   In the past year people on an economic blog have  become very upset with several movies made by Disney corp.  Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story, and to a lesser extent Thor and Black Panther.  

People on an economic blog accuse Disney of being "woke" and shoving a political agenda down all of our faces.  I guess I have to interrupt at this time and say that actually the woke movement is from the tens of 2000s, so my daughter tells me and may be finished now or died down or gone. I dont know. It seems to be another word for "politically correct"  I am not sure, I missed the details.  And since I missed the details I cannot say for sure, but to me, it just seemed like  progressiveness.  Forging ahead in trying to get respect for all members of society and earth and INCLUDE rather than EXCLUDE.  

But I suppose these people see it as a leftist movement or liberal, whether it be "save the planet", "anti racism" "anti homophobic"  "anti colonialism"  or any other such topic.  They seem to put it in terms of a political agenda.  I dont get that.  Does the right strive to be exclusionaries?  Maybe so?  I always thought showing respect wasnt a right or left thing, it was just a human value we strive for whether coming from Ward Cleaver in Leave it to Beaver or the coming movie (which should be opening up this weekend as I write) Avatar 2, respect for the planet and environment.  

At any rate, the point being is that I just cant understand parents teaching their kids to hate or even to watch out.  Dont trust those people.  Stay away from them.  Dont make friends with them.  But that said, I guess I can understand.  Is it really because in our hearts we are afraid and want to teach our children either to also be afraid or to be secure by watching out for those other people.  Because they will get you.  They are dangerous.  In other words, outwardly society these days wants us to be accepting but in our hearts, we cannot be, and we are still afraid and we actually pass that on.  

But then I come back to the question, how or why do we still teach our children fear? I would think teaching fear is anti thetical (if that is the right word) to teaching strength.  If you are afraid, then arent you a weaker person?  If you are afraid to do things, or have experiences, you will be a lesser person with fewer experiences.  The stronger individual is one that has gone out to the frontiers and not been afraid.  In the same way, how is it good to teach our children fear of other people?  That only makes them weaker and more afraid to interact and experinece.  Right?  Or does that  come down to DNA anyway?  

So, the point being that doesnt it make our children stronger to go out and learn about other people without fear?  If my children can live in the world and know that other people exist who are different from them and it is not a bad thing, it probably is very good, then dont they become stronger individuals?  So why do parents continue to teach their children to be afraid of others?   To teach fear?  

Exclusive: Disney/Pixar's 'Lightyear,' with same-sex couple, will not play in 14 countries; China in question

 You can not imagine the extreme outrage that was written about Toy Story with Buzz lightyear when he kissed another guy. They were just so angry.   I didnt even see the movie though would still like to, but I cant understand why that so did bother many parents.  And get a load of this.  Not only do parents teach fear, but governments teach fear.  The Chinese government banned that film from being shown in China.  Saudia Arabia, (well of course) banned it from being shown.   That just tells me that these governments are so weak they are so afraid of their citizens seeing a differnet type of person that exists in the world and personally does no harm to you in Saudia Arabia, or China, but for some reason should be feared and banned.  

Well, I guess 1.3 billion chinese people are going to be the weaker for it.   And they will continue to be "afraid".  Where as the superior unafraid individual will be stronger by forging ahead and learning more about everybody and being inclusive rather than exclusive.  The people who can understand and not be afraid of other people, will definitely be a stronger, superior even smarter person.  Sorry Chinese, your government, though not the first time, is really weakening you.  

But what about these Americans who are afraid also and still teach their children fear?  I guess I can understand it, but I cant?  Why should I pass on a fear of mine to my kids?  I want them to be strong individuals.  Every generation must become better and move away from fear.  So thinks me at any rate. 

Lets have a wonderful Merry Christmas and happy holidays for all.   

If I had it in my power, I would bless you all.    

This stupid education system

 When I was in fifth grade I lived in Austria for a year.  But because my birthday was in November I was in the grade below in fourth grade.   I went to the local school, my dad said, why not? They put me in a class with a teacher who could speak and understand a bit of english.  Back in those days very few people in Europe could speak english.   An American in the class was something of a spectacle.  

At first they sat me next to a kid who had lived in Scotland for some time and spoke english very well.  I sat next to him for maybe all of September, but then his father said his son had to move away from me.  His son had to concentrate hard because the tests to get into "gymnasium" would be at the end of fifth grade and he shouldnt have a distraction like me during classes.  I always remember that.  I never met his father, but I sure would like to kick him in the butt for doing that.  

See, this is how it works in Europe.  At the end of fifth grade the kids who can and want (or are pushed by their parents) to take a couple big tests can try to get into the "upper school" and not the regular school  This is called the Gymnasium.  There are many gymnasium schools but you can only try to get into two.  

Please just a little help

So, look, not to be selfish, but I really needed some help. I was in the German speaking school and although I was already pretty good in undestanding and speaking German, I sure could have used the help of that kid for at least half the year till Christmas.  I mean, I guess I still sound selfish, but wouldnt it have been nicer to help out a bit?  But the father was so worried for his kid even before fifth grade when they take the tests, in fourth grade already, that he didnt want ANY distractions for his son.  TWO years ahead of the tests.  As if I was going to bother him so much.   I just needed an explanation now and then.  

The thing is, the father probably hurt his son more than I would have, by adding so much stress to his life and making him worry worry worry for two years.   That for sure did more damage than any bother I would have done.  

Idiot. Jerk father.   I sure would like to find that kid, Martin Haschka, and see what is up with him these years.   I am sure he turned out fine. He was smart.  

Designed to stress kids

So here it is some years later and my daughters have to go through the same thing.  But I am not going to stress them out with worrying.  I have always just wanted them to have a nice childhood with friends and doing things and going places and learning at a leisurely, non stressful pace.  But noooooo.  My daughter was stressed out even by herself.  She felt how important it was to get into the Gymnasium and she took extra curricular classes and a special class on learning the tests etc etc... all year.   Ok, it wasnt me. So, if that was what SHE wanted then I had to let her do that.  But I didnt like it.  A ten year old is still a kid and should enjoy her life and be a kid, not stress out about getting into the equivalent of kids university.  That is just lllllll up.   

I have to say, not to sound like a patriot or arrogant, but the American system is much better.  Everyone stays together.  If parents want their kids to go to a special school, they can pay for it and put them in a private school.  Otherwise all the kids are together and pretty much stay together till the end of grade school at the end of 12th grade.  Sure there are tests, there always is, and stress, but not on the par of as I call it, having to get into kids University.  In the US we dont stress out till we have to study for the SATs to place.  But that is at the end of 11th grade or in 12th grade.  Not when you are ten.  There is a big difference.  

Its been like that forever in Europe, and I dont see them going to change the system in my lifetime.  But why?  Why stress out a ten year old?  Even an 11 or 12 year old.  They should be kids playing hockey and volleyball and acting and taking things they want to take after school, or being with friends.  They shouldnt be forced to be stressing out because they have to take a test which could change their life... from when they are ten years old!!!.  This is just stupid.  But, I wont change it, and that is how it is. I can just write my disagreement in this post blog.  

I wish all the kids who have to take these tests good luck, but the thing is, a good good portion of them wont get into gymnasium when they try the first, the second or maybe not at all.  But I think it will still work out for them.  Parents try to scare their kids and say, "you will be working in the grocery shop if you dont get into gymnasium", but me with my optimism think (or hope) they will end up finding some job they like or making money they like.  They wont be damned to a life in the grocery shop.  Or maybe they will want that.  Thats ok too.   

I cant put some final word on this except that I have to thank my lucky stars I grew up in America and didnt have to stress out when I was ten about these tests.  My life would have been completely different if we had had them.  And I feel sorry forall he kids who have or will have to take these tests.   Stupid European system.  

Someone gave me a bunch of CDs last week and this CD was among them, and I rather liked it a lot.   I didnt know that it was actually Joni Mitchells best selling most popular album.  I thought something else was.  It is rather nice because it has a nice twist of jazz in it which she was getting into and jazz would be big in her life from then on.  She had concerts with Pat Metheney and Jaco Pastorius which is pretty impressive.    

The Generation Gap: Is it possible to not exist?

 When I was growing up there was a serious generation gap between me and my parents.  There were many years between us and a giant cultural shifting decades which changed society so much as to produce more gap.  Sadly my older brother experienced more of that gap than I did.  I was ok with my parents.  But I have to use the example of music to show the differences as that is one of the biggest things in my life, and my whole life.  

The funny thing is that our whole family was very into music and musically orientated.  We all played instruments and my brother eventually became a sound engineer touring with bands.  I sell music.  My parents played music but only as amateurs, but it was a huge part of their life with Monday orchestra and Thursday quartets.  

The problem still existed that there was a yawning gap between what my parents listened to and myself.  Paul Hindemith is still very different from the Beatles and Jethro Tull.  Although Jethro Tull is closer to Duke Ellington which is what my mother also loved.  

I thought I would please my parents one day when I brought home new albums from Muddy Waters. I thought it was closer to what they listened to.  But.... no. Only "thats nice honey" from my mother. Yeah.

 

It only got worse as I got into punk, the Clash and Hardcore and then alternative and some metal.  You would think that my father would get it as Paul Hindemith was a real alternative musician.  But no, the overall structure and voices (orchestral instruments vs rock n roll guitar and bass and drums) was just too great.  Sadly my father was not such a great music lover to explore new stuff which was coming out. Just like most people I think his musical tastes had peaked and stopped by the time he was 30.  After that he probably just stuck with what he knew.  Ok.   Probably my mother also.  But she at least knew jazz.  But that too stopped at some point it seems. 

Me, I always needed to explore new music and my interest directed me to new scenes and styles.  Way past my 30th birthday I was getting into new trends and sounds.  So I didnt stagnate and stick with what I knew, I was able to understand and love repetitive music like techno and drum and bass.  I guess it is my job but I think even people who are in the music business tend to go back to what they know.  

Comes my daughter and I say to myself, "there will not be a generation gap."  I can listen to new music whatever it may be.  Throw it at me.  

She is currently very big into hip hop, now often called trap.  Ok, what are you listening to?  Play some stuff.  Ok, here is Von something.  A guy from the bad side of Chicago, block 63 calling hinself the king of block 63.  He was killed.  Playboy something or other, from .......  .  It was gangster hip hop.  Oh man, i just cant get into gangster hip hop anymore.  Straight outta Compton was the last and peak for me.  I just couldnt take the violence and nastiness. I am more peaceful.  so much misogynism.  I dont want to listen to that stuff.  I asked her wasnt there anybody like Chuck D or Public Enemy or BDP that said something of value?  She  seemed to say there was, but she didnt listen to it.  That was old.  She didnt know who Public Enemy were.  

And then that rich dude.  How did he happen to become a billionaire?  With hip hop.  His beats sucked and his text was nothing.  Oh, yeah he made it with a clothes line and marrying a Kardashian.  At the time of this writing he is only a hundreds millionaire and I hope it goes down to a meagre millionaire.  Him and his mouth doesnt deserve millions let alone billions.  

I settled on Kendrick Lemar.  He was ok.  Kind of poppy but ok. I wouldnt buy his stuff, and I am not sure I really even want to listen to it, but I could and probably will as my daughter cried when she

couldnt go to the concert (uh huh, i was going to pay 100 dollars for a ticket?? sheesh, back in the day a concert cost.... well, ok there is some sort of big difference between concert ticket costs also).

The point being EVEN when the cultural gap does not really exist (there are no big movements in music separating us) and I listened to hip hop back in the day and she listened to... trap now.  Its still there.  The generation gap is still there.  Cypress Hill and Flavor Flav, she doesnt want to know who they are.   King Von and Playboi.... mm, I cant take gangster hh anymore.  And all the others seem empty too.   

What is it?  Is it as my friend said, "we teach what we know" or as Genesis said, "I like what I know and I know what I like."  ?    The twain shall not meet? Even when we are just about on the same plain? That gap just opens its mouth and stretches between parents and kids?  

Now, I have written just about music, as an example, but the generation gap probably exists in many other areas.  Do you parents experience this too?  Is it possible for the generation gap to not exist? Only when the Simpsons cartoon serial has existed for 30 years and I watched the old episodes and can watch the new episodes and my kids can watch all episodes are we totally on the same page.  Maybe.

Otherwise.... there it is.  Too big to jump over.  Separating us.  

Daddy back to Zero (well maybe 5-10)

The travel back was rather not as nice.  It is depressing and long.  This is a double meaning for my trip with my daughters back to our winter home and my travel back to not being a full time Dad.  Both are depressing. I guess a lot of males are not meant to be, are not good at being fathers.  Many are not good at being husbands even.  I have wanted to be both for better or worse.  I always try my best.  But you know, even if you are a huge poet star, like for instance Bob Dylan, you have your low periods. Very low.  Same for this wanna be dad and husband. 

  I dont recall my reasoning now, but 5 hours waiting at JFK airport was rather difficult.  All I know is there were metrics making me book that way.   

At any rate, I could feel my numbers flying down the drain, or staying on the old

land as I flew off overseas once again.  As I surely mentioned at the beginning of these travels, I like to have this time with my daughters and do it myself and plan it my way mostly, or not plan it at all. 

There was one part of the trip where the plane shook for over half an hour VERY violently.  I held on to the arms of the seat and repeatedly said "oh Jesus".  My daughters kind of laughed at me.  But I have no trouble saying I was terrified.  When we landed I asked the pilot about it and he said with a smile on his face that at that spot it was very difficult finding a level in which the plane would not be rocking.  It was as if he had no trouble with it.  I dont know why, but I felt my credibility get stabbed with a leak and my air went out.   Maybe being a dad is holding still, not panicking and being a pillar, and not a pillar of salt.  I was not. 

My fatherly position developed a leak and then was flatted like a tire.  

Mommy took back over her position and my position again became secondary. 

Well, we have it set up like this but in fact Mommy took both my daughters on her little vacation and I was left to work steady with no stopping.  We have always done that, it is given, its ok.  But... its not ok.  

My Daddy at home at least 40 per cent shrank to, well to zero I guess.  I was taking care of nobody except my self and my business.  My daughters were gone to Denmark or to the woods in central Europe and I was left to take care of tourists and to provide them with excellent music of their choice.  Yes, I do that and I am happy with that.  But... I would like it both ways.  

For the next three months my business came first and my family.. well sometimes first and sometimes second admittedly.   My daugthers went back to school in September. My younger daughter entered a new school.  My older daughter continued in the same school hopefully learning even more.  And I worked hard at a turnaround in a very difficult work environment and a big challenge.  

Its times like these that I refer back to my writing on Owl in "upstairs and downstairs" where Owl is upstairs and he wonders what is happening downstairs so he runs downstairs but then wonders what is happening upstairs.  Etc.  

On the other hand, I had a month of 100 per cent, now I have, well, three months at close to zero.  Maybe it evens out.  Maybe it is meant to be like that.   

Those couple Sundays that I played ping pong in the park with my younger daughter were very enjoyable.  And I think I went to a movie once with my older daughter, though that might have been last spring already.  The whole family went to see Thor "love and ...." whatever that one was, in the movie theatre.  That was also nice.  So its not like I am that father in that Cat Stevens song, "cats in the cradle", i am home and I see my kids every day for several hours and sometimes we get out.  

Still, the 100 per cent of summer is much nicer than the 10 per cent of Fall.  Bob Dylan still put out albums when he was at 10 per cent.    

I didnt listent to any music while writing this but my older daughter was playing

me a lot of new school gangster hip hop.  King Von, Playboy Cardi, something nindo or other.  And of course Kamal Lemar? no  Lemar Kendricks?  No, Kemal Hendrix?  Sorry Kendrick Lemar.  Another story on this sometime soon.  

Thanks for reading and I apologize if it is not the best writing this time or anytime.  Still, I hope you get something out of it.  But mainly I am writing for myself.  But thanks for reading all the same. If you did take something from it to use in your own writing, could I ask you politely to consider naming me in the quote or even footnoting me?  Many thanks.   

I was listening to this album while rewriting. I didnt like it so much. But maybe more listens are necessary. I just got for sale "time out of mind" "freewheeling" "shot of love" so I feel I can put up an album I have not bought yet.  Still, I think it is not one of his best, but I dont like back up women singers, so maybe that is my thing.  

Note to Self: What to do next summer

 

A disclaimer at the beginning.  As the title reads this is a note to self, strictly for me. I am making it public because I dont care.  People can read it, but it is basically really just that, a note to me on what to do next summer and things to do during the year in preparation.  Hopefully so the summer is even better.  Maybe you will take interest and / or you can use the suggestions also.  I hope.  But first, I am writing just for me. 

To begin with, during the year I will try to lose a couple lbs, kilo.  Just a couple.  I am probably anywhere fronm 5 to 10 kilo over weight.  Losing 10 lbs would be fine and satisfying.  But it is difficult even to lose 2 lbs.  If I lost 2 lbs by Christmas, I would be satisfied.  5 by the end of the school year... pretty good.  Note, its not a new years resolution. I never make those anymore, its just something I would like to happen and I will try somewhat hard for it to happen. In general it would be healthy and good and make me all around better.  

But I have to lose some poundage in order to be in better shape.  Because next year I am planning to climb the dune with my daughter.  She really wants to do it.  But it is a little bit.. challenging and she isnt so old so she could get caught out of shape trying to make it to the top. I want to be in shape to make that climb at the sleeping bear sand dunes with her.  I did it once maybe 15 years ago or more and it was difficult.  So now it will be even more difficult.  So, I have to get in shape for it.  Start now.  

More training of another sort during the year. I want to learn some more meals to increase my supper repertoire.  In fact I can give a little update right now.  I tried making a curry dish with chicken and tofu.  It wasnt strong enough because i didnt use curry powder, I used a curry sauce which wasnt the same. I have to use a powder.  Lots of onions.  The problem is, after I made it my older daughter DID like it and said it was decent.  Not so strong, no, but decent.  But then my younger daughter said, "Dad, I dont like curry dishes."  Crap.  She doesnt eat many sauces, but I thought since she loves hot buffalo wings she would like a curry dish.  But no.  Rats, so what do I do with that?  I guess I will try it again and hopefully add it to my repertoire, but, sort of a lost cause if my younger daughter wont eat it.  Still.....

This one is kind of tough.  I wish I could feel better about driving.  I dont like to drive much.  Each time I go out driving I really have to push myself. I can handle the highway but not the city so well and a big city freaks me out.  I wish I could hurdle this fear of driving.  I think I have had it for many years though.  I really dont know where it comes from because I was only in one major crash in which I wasnt hurt or driving.  Another minor one, but personally I have never crashed.  I have been driving since I was 16 and it doesnt bother me. Just the thought of having to drive sort of turns my stomach before I actually have to drive.  

The dune climb

Because I also would like to plan a couple more outings with my kids.  The last ONE was very successful.  We should do, I wish, three.  Just go to nearby places.  Historical things or a nice town.  Sightseeing.  How can I work on this? I dont know.  

Last and definitely least, I would like to finally get all my excess stuff I have kept at people s places away from them and back to my year round home.  I am very lucky that I had very nice people who let me hold some of my stuff with them after my Mother sold the cottage AND I have been taking it back to my winter home every year.  But now is the time to finish the process.  Either throw stuff out or take it back. I better have the strength to throw some stuff out as I think I still have more than a suitcase full of stuff to take back.   

Granted I keep a big army suitcase (my fathers suitcase from when he was in the army during WWII) of blankets and plates that we keep there, but I should take the rest of the stuff back.  Finish the process.  Get it over with, move on.  Organize it once and for all.  

The thing is now they charge you for every suitcase you check in.  This last summer I got away with taking an extra carry on suitcase and taking stuff in that, but this year I will have to pay to check in a full suitcase. It is still much cheaper than shipping it.  I guess I will put one suitcase inside the other and check both going back.  I want to finish with this.  

And so.  This is my note to self.  Of things to take care of during the year in preparation for an even better next summer.  Well, taking off weight is good for any time of the year.  Also the most difficult.  Well, actually conquering your fears and re wiring your brain after you well into mid age years is also difficult.  

Lets see what I can do.  I dont expect to accomplish all of them.  That is the thing.  You should make a list of things to do and accomplish but be happy if half or even a third of them are accomplished.  Time to step up to the plate, though I already have.  

Best of luck Self.  

I got the just about newest Figurex label titles into the store in September and Figurex31 is very good.  Arthur Robert's Metamorphosis part 1.  Part 2 is also out, but I think part 1 is stronger.  

Also,  I always get the bondage label stuff. I dont think I have this one yet but I will get it on my next order.  

Marcus Homm minimal House full LP

After Dark

Or maybe it is new deep house.  

Very nice smooth grooves.  Great for listening at home, on the dance floor or dare I say it?, background music as you work.