Summertime 2024 part 4: Second guessing Debby the Hurricane

Maybe you read that short story maybe you didnt about the father who was a smart scientist who took his son on a walk in nature and they were walking through a train tunnel and then they heard a train coming but they didnt know from which way. If they went the wrong way they would get hit by the train as it came in. If they ran away from the train in the tunnel they would make it out of the tunnel before the train hit them.  The father put his ear to the tracks to try to figure which way the train was coming from, but the truth was with all his scientific training, he didnt know.  He had to guess in the end to save him and his son.  He told his son which way they should run by listening to the tracks, but he was faking it and guessing. Did he guess right?  

On Saturday August 3rd we were in Michigan for our last day before we took a flight down to Florida to visit Grandmother on her birthday on August 4th.  Get this.  Saturday, August 3rd was such a hot day in Michigan.  It was a nice day though. But we probably got burned walking in the midafternoon sun along the road after we had returned the car to the airport and were walking back to our hotel.  I was worried that my daughter would get sun poisoning it was so hot and we were in the direct sun for an hour.  Well suffice to say that she didnt and we had a great swim in the Michigan bay at a park and did our usual stuff. Just the extreme difference for what we would experience the next day.  (picture courtesy of "flintjarvis" East bay park)

Because in the night we were watching TV and as my sister had warned me in the afternoon there was a hurricane, hurricane Debby on the way up the gulf coast to hit Florida.   On Saturday it was down in the Bahamas or at the bottom of Florida in the straits.  Would it make it to where we were going by our plane time?  

I thought about it over the night and came to the conclusion in the morning that if the plane was cancelled would my daughter want me to rent a car again and drive us down to Florida?  It would take at least 24 hours with an overnight in Tennessee or something.  We would get there on Monday.  

I thought about this and to tell you the truth I really hate to drive and didnt want to do it, especially on unknown roads.  But ... if the plane was cancelled on Sunday, we could wait in the hotel til Monday or try to drive down right away on Sunday.  I asked the receptionist at the hotel if he could save our room till noon just in case our flight was cancelled.  

So those were our options IF the flight was cancelled.  

This is where my story at the beginning of this post comes in. I really didnt know from which way the train was coming and what I would have to do.  

Luckily my daughter said when I asked her about driving down that she didnt really want to do it.  That made it easier for me.  If she had said, "yes, we might have to do that", then well... i might have had to do that.  But with her answer, at least I felt we could go back to the hotel ok.  We had to make it to Florida, that was necessary. Our flight back left from there.  

So from which way was the train coming?  

When we got to the airport we found out our plane was leaving late by an hour.  But that was it.. for now.  The guy checking us in didnt even know there was a hurricane coming and he was saying some company spiel that this was only for safety and it wouldnt be more, or something. I had to tell him the plane might be flying into a hurricane.  

BUT.

The plane only left one hour late.  

Phew.  If they had delayed it more it would only have been worse as the hurricane would be nearer.  So, I hope they saw that and got us out of there. 

We made it. 

BUT... 

Then I had to get us to my Mothers 45 minutes away.  I had no shuttle booked this time.  It was raining hard already.  

So, once again, I had to figure out from which way the train was coming?   How to get us out of there.  I had to call from the information lady's phone several time as I had no phone here.  No one answered.  And really, who would want to come and pick us up 45 minutes away and then drive back... all in a hurricane downpour.  

Uber wouldnt do it unless I booked from my phone which I didnt have.  There was no shuttle.  A couple friends... we couldnt reach them.  How to get out of here? Finally the information lady said, well, take a taxi.  Huh?  There are taxis?  Well, ok, I think it is going to cost 200 bucks though if the shuttle last year cost 150. But.. yeah sure. A taxi.  

I guess I figured out from where the train was coming correctly because all I had to do was go to the taxi line and take the taxi there.  The guy joked and said "500 dollars" when I asked how much. But I didnt get it and thought it was real.  

So, we got a taxi.  

Now here is the fun part I can talk about for the rest of my life.  Driving in a taxi through a tropical rain bordering on a hurricane.  Hurricane Debby.   And he STILL took us over the sunshine skyway bridge in St Petersburg pictured here.  It wasnt even closed. They close it when winds reach like 30 mph, or more maybe.  But it wasnt closed.  So, man oh man, driving up that bridge, we met only like 5 cars on the whole bridge when normally there are dozens.  The rain was hard hard hard.  Talk about a hard rains a gonna fall.  That was it.  

But I have to say I was never scared when the guy was driving. I told him he didnt have to go fast we werent in a hurry.  And he said I am not even going 50mph I think it was.  So, he was taking it easy.  But well, it was kind of fun.  I only feel bad that I dont think I tipped him well enough for having driven us through a hurricane or tropical storm Debby.  But to tell you the truth I will take a taxi from now on as it was cheaper than the stupid luxury shuttle.  

Mr. Taxi dude driver:  Good job.  Excellent. And fun. And we DIDN'T end up like this.  

So, in the end I am not going to tell you how the story about the father, son and which way the train was coming, did he guess right, finishes, but for me... we came out fine and I guessed correctly all the time.  Others didnt. 

Listening to old skool drum and bass singles during this writing. I have to get this label.  Western Lore.   For instance:

Summertime 2024 3: Put Some Nature in your Summer part one. THE CLIMB

 Well duh.  

Before my Mother sold our wonderful cottage in the woods, I had some fantasies, or  ideas of somehow organizing a camp, or at least weekends for lower income family kids who may not have the ability to get out of their cities or towns to get to nature in summer. A nice thought, whether I would have been ambitious enough to carry it through is another story.  Maybe... not.  

The point being, that in the summer, it is important, ne essential, to get away from your regular school year residence and hit the nature trail.  I admire a good friend who always first got up to New Hampshire with his father, and now with his wife and kids to take hiking trails in some range of mountains.  My sister with her friend living on the edge of Appalachia regularly hike into the "innards" of Appalachia in the summer (so much so that she claims she is now more hillbilly than J.D. Vance :) ).  

I have spent every summer of my life, save two, in the backwoods of upper Michigan.  And naturally now for well over a decade I have continued that with my kids.  While we still have a rather comfortable residence with many modern amenities, pretty much every step of our lives for the three to four weeks is in nature, save the shopping trips.  Even the library is a little country library next to an old school that exudes back woods.  

Its a new perspective.  Just like grown ups should listen to different opinions that they may not agree with, all people, but especially kids should get out to nature in the summer as an "opinion" that they dont "meet up with" during the school year.    

We have been doing it so long that my daughters are used to it and get along fine with nature, in nature.  But for the past two years I have tried to extend the challenge and gone out to nature that we havent been to yet.  In 2023 we got to a big nature preserve which had old growth trees which are often over 150 years old.  I organized that one and was happy with it somewhat. 

photo Ben DeYoung

This year, we have been talking about it for a couple years and this year we finally did it.  A nature challenge.  Every year my friend and his daughter and me and my kids go to the Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes.  At the dunes there is an incredible steep dune hill which goes directly down to Lake Michigan.  It is great fun to take giant leaps like walking on the moon running down a 90 degree slope to the water.  The problem is that then you also have to walk back up it.  

About 20 years ago I did this run down to the lake with my wife and then... we made the walk up. I recall it took us, or me, roughly 45 minutes to go up (less than 5 minutes to run down).  It was a tough walk even for me twenty years ago. I knew it was tough. That is why I told my youngest daughter for several years, no not yet, you cant do it yet, you are too young. No, not this year.  But this year, as I knew several months ago and wrote in a post, I knew she was old enough to do it.  

And did it she did. 

Frankly I didnt expect her to make the climb so well.  I have to admit that I didnt think I was in good enough shape to do it, so I went down about half way and waited for her to come to my point and then I would go with her. While I was waiting and sitting there in the sand off to one side, a couple frat boys really big in the mid section came straggling up the hill.  One couldnt do it and he would get some energy to take ten steps quickly then lie flat on his face in his sand.  Mean spirited person that I am I was hoping he wouldnt get up and he would just throw up and lie there in his vomit.  See I heard them talking that they had been drinking this morning as frat boys do most mornings and that maybe it wasnt a good idea to do before the climb.  I think the dead weight dick did eventually make it up, but I did see a pile of throw up on the wooden plank bridge and I assume it was done by probably him.  Great.  

And then more quickly than I thought would happen, there was my daughter sitting around 50 meters away.  She started up and i signaled her to my spot and gave her a long drink of water from my water bottle.  Then i started up with her. But... it wasnt long before I was eating her dust, and then not even that but she was way ahead of me.  My little half way climb took me 33 minutes, if I remember, or maybe that was my daughter who did the whole climb in 33 minutes, maybe both.  She wasnt even tired.  

My friend with his daughter came staggering up totally spent and got to the finish line at respectively 1 hr and 11 minutes and 1 hour and 20 minutes. He is the same age as I am.  My friend told me that at one steep point below he was seriously afraid because his heart was pounding, racing like a motorboat and he thought he would explode or something.  I have only respect for him, because he looks like Father Christmas, but he did the climb.  He said the only thing just about that kept him going was that there was no way he was going to call in the coast guard and be rescued by helicopter for like 2000 dollars.  It made him forge ahead.  I, didnt even think I should or could do it.  I didnt chicken out, but I decided that maybe I was not up to it. I did half.  I dont deserve to redeem myself, BUT, I really should do the whole climb next year and see how much over an hour it takes me.  In shape or not.  I can lie there like a drunken frat boy if I have to rest, but I really ought to do it.  

I heard a 40 ish woman who was built like a body builder claim she did it in 15 minutes without even stooping down or putting her hands in the sand but walking upright the whole time. If you saw the angle of this hill you would understand that it is just as easy to walk up on all fours.  She was built, but I didnt believe her for a minute.  No way Jose.  I want to do it next year no matter how old I am or how much lazy fat I have on me.  I have to redeem myself and get back to nature. I am sure my daughter will want to do it too. She will probably run up the hill. Oh, its getting me nervous thinking about it.  Time to train.  

Listened to this when I was making corrections. I have one more copy in the shop from my order.  Its a classic.  Pink Flag from Wire.  1977 release. 

Summertime 2024 2: Simple joys and happiness in traditions

As you can see from the date that I wrote this, it is right after the Democratic National Convention which just took place last week.  I was terribly interested in the proceedings and watched a lot and tried to read up on Ms. Harris some.  Among all the good things being said there was a little disappointment when I read that her father and mother were getting a divorce when the kids were in elementary school and even though the father even desperately wanted to bring the kids up himself, it being the early 1970s the mother received custody and the father only got visiting rights on weekends for instance.  For sure at the time it would have been unheard of for a FATHER especially a black father to get custody of his kids even though he was the first black economics professor at Stanford University to tenure.   I cant say I know what the circumstances were, so I can not pass judgement, all the same, it is a bit of a shame, although it might have put us in a completely different universe than what we have today.  Maybe. 

However, what I really wanted to say was that he DID have both his kids in the summer and he brought them probably many more times than once back to Jamaica for the summer.  The place isnt important, what is important is that he brought them to the same place (?) every summer and that he was with them.  Both things for sure had to contribute to a better upbringing of his daughters.

A. For one he was an incredibly smart man (of course the mother was also) and would have time in the summer at least to "transfer" some of his wisdom to his daughters, even considering their young age.  B. Even more important, to give them some roots and tradition, a place they could fondly remember all their life (I hope) and a sense of tradition, home and community in the summer. 

 I didnt really intend to write such a lengthy intro to my post, but there it is, for what its worth.  The point is I want to draw parallels to my own summer(s).

Especially this one. 

Not that you are supposed to do anything real deep and meaningful when you are young over the summer, but the very fact of repeating a tradition year after year IS the growth and development which is important. This is stability in the  summertime which includes roots, traditions and a community.  Even if  you can recall when you are an adult, "that I spent every summer in .... and they had the best pizzas which came from ......  We always got those pizzas at least three times over the summer.  Oh, I can still taste them now."  Or, "Yeah, my dad was pretty bad at chinese checkers and I beat him 90 per cent of the time." 

Look, now we come to my usual boring, banal part which I love to write.

Most days I would wake up 8,9ish, read in bed and write in the morning.  My daughter, she still slept late this summer. Even though there wasnt the added incentive of my other daughter there who ALWAYS sleeps late. My younger daughter STILL slept late till 11 or 12. I was happy with this. She was getting 10 hours of sleep which is good for brain development at her age.   

The first question of the day was always, "checkers?".    No matter who asked, the other said of course, "yes".  I think there was only one morning we didnt play chinese checkers.  It was supposed to be a two game wake up, but my daughter would beat me both games and like a gambler, I always wanted another chance to try to beat her. But if it got to be four games and I hadnt won.... no sense, I gave up.  

If we didnt eat a quick lunch or have a home reading day planned we had some outing or errand for the early afternoon.  And some of the errands we had were quite simple.  

In this day and age where entertainment has to be "big" like all day at the carnival rides, or skydiving or ... or, I think it is the most amazing thing that my daughter(s) have always loved our grocery shopping trips in the summer.  The whole process of writing up the list and then we get there and fan out, "ok, I ll get the juices and drinks,"  "Right and I will be at the meat bistro and the vegetables and fruits section." And then we come back to the cart and dump the items and cross them out on the list and look to see what the next item is.  Dinner meats we have to peruse together, prices and what we can make and cook for dinners for three to four days.  And it always took at least 45 minutes.  It wasnt possible to be quick, it was always that amount or an hour.  And when it was all in the cart we each take a guess how much it would cost and who would be the closest in the total amount, kind of like the Price is Right game show.  "What is the worth of the groceries in this shopping cart?"  Folks, you can laugh if you want, you can call me corny, but to find such joy in such a simple, basic job of our western life makes me happy.  I dont need to skydive, or swim in shark infested waters, though I am sure those are fun too, but I can find joy and happiness, and I think my daughters can too, in FOOD SHOPPING.   Go ahead, find the fulfillment in grocery shopping.  Your life will be much better for it.  

Huh, maybe I should have written a full post on that. 

Those were just a couple days. Other than that, we had a dunes day, three knitting class days, a movie day, a couple buying at the shopping mall days, several beach downtown days, two walks in nature preserve days AND several stay home full days reading days.  Also a walk in town and buying books day. 

Whatever it was, most days we were back at the cottage by late afternoon, 5pm or even 6pm for a swim in our lake.    

Especially in that first week in mid July when the temperatures were in the 90s, the lake was very refreshing.  I want to thank my good friend for being there two weeks with his daugther because often the highlight of the day was that swim by the four of us. It entailed tossing the football and diving under the water, seeing how long we could stay under water, floating, underwater hand stands and just talking and messing around.  Actually there were many highlights of the day, because everything in the day was enjoyable, but the pull of the water for me, being in a body of water is psychologically cleansing it seems.  Maybe.  It has some mind cleansing property which adds another dimension of happiness to the whole "thing" of being in the water up to your neck.  

And a late dinner, geez 8 or 9 pm.  Who eats that late? Well, when the sun goes down at 9 to 9.20pm its a perfect time to eat outside on the deck.  

In those hours in the evening we would also find time to sit on the dock on the lake and fish or talk or look at the stars which werent out yet and get eaten by the mosquitoes.  

The thing is, this is probably what we have been doing for 5 years now. It doesnt change that much each year. A couple of new places or trips, some still that we have to take, but year after year, not much different.  But ... I think we all love it that way.  (I hope).  It seems so simple, and it is, but it is so rich, that I thank my lucky stars, and my mother, that I (we?) can find such value in the simple traditions of summer. 

And I hope Kamala Harris during her summers with her father in Jamaica also felt a richness in the tradition of summer after summer.  And it contributed- I think it did but what do I know?- to her well being and her strength.  And maybe, just maybe, it will be a source of strength or at least fond memories for my daughter(s) in her future.  Then I will feel satisfied and happy that I did at least one good thing as a father for my children.  

I hope you had a great time with your children this summer. No matter what you did.  Being with them is the important thing.

Getting this album in next month.  Listened to it during writing.  

 

Summertime 2024 1 Start : A good airport can get you relaxing faster.

I want to first start off with hats off to good airports. You know, it must be a feather in the cap for an airport to become bigger and put in another runway, as per London Heathrow for instance. But I say, it makes them worse.  There are some airports I will not book to go through at all now.  London Heathrow is one of them.  Chicago O Hare is THE worst airport I will never go through again if I can help it.  However, Atlanta, which is a big airport hub, is ok and seems to be able to control its "bigness".  

But the airports that I now always try to book through are, in Europe, Amsterdam

Schipol and in the US, Detroit for the eastern US. All the airports I have mentioned I have used at least twice.  Hats off also to the Sarasota airport in Florida for being big, but still small to get around in.  Granted some years ago, they did cancel a flight because of a lightning storm, but this time they did not although I thought they might cancel because the heat was terribly excessive.  Even after a hurricane.  

The thing that makes a good airport is its ability to reduce stress in the travelling IN the airport. Two areas where stress can increase is waiting in lines and going from one gate to another in connecting flights.  Chicago fails utterly because its customs line and lines in general are out of control. You have no ability to know for sure if you will make your next flight.  You have to book with a three hour layover just to cover.  And the walking from different gates does not help either.  Though there are worse.  

Amsterdam airport is also a hub, but not huge.  I did have concerns both times this year with the stupidity of their customs officials.  One in which I was separated from my daughter -- "didnt you see the sign which read 'no one under 12 in this line?'" in fact I had not and I still did not at any time.  And when I showed my green card to the official, he had never seen one and had to ask his superior if such a thing existed.  Geez, where are we, North Korea where the customs have never heard of a country called "Ireland"?  

But this was more than made up by the superior boarding process now of KLM.  They used to have a long line because they had to question everyone, "who and when did you pack your bags, did you get any gifts from anyone...?"  Now they just take a photo of you upon boarding the airplane.  Zippo, poofo, much more efficient.   

Detroit was golden.  I got off the European plane and walked to customs on a Saturday late morning and there was no line to speak of at customs (all people have to go through customs and pick up their bags and check them through again on the first airport on entrance in the US).  Not only was there hardly any line to speak of, the customs people were nice and efficient and we got our bag with no problems.  The process was so quick that we were able to catch an earlier flight to our end destination and arrive at our destination with an extra 4 hours or more to take care of starting our vacation.  Wow, that never happened before.  Courtesy of a good system at Detroit.  

Since we got in so early we were able to take care of the things that needed to be set up to get ourselves "rooted" in our vacation.  Get the car, get some groceries, unpack, if I had been smarter we could have even gotten our library books right away.  And get the swimsuit out and get in the water right away on the first day in the afternoon.  

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.  

I have written several times on the case of airports on my blog.  But again I will tie in this subject of airports with the blog subject of being a father.  My kids are teenagers now, and pretty good travellers (my daughter was running ahead of me this time to get to the connecting gate faster because we thought we had to rush), but when you are travelling with small children it is pretty important to know which airport is going to give you more stress as you travel with your family vs which is going to facilitate your travelling smoothly.  When you are responsible for keeping your kids with you and being prepared with their customs papers AND getting to your flight on time, you should know which airport will help and which will hinder.  Keep in mind there is usually a couple ways for you to get from point A to point C or D and by no means is it a matter of "well we had to connect through Chicago.  No no no.  Over the years I have amassed a little volume on the good, the ok and the downright stressful airports.  I have several posts in my blog on the airports, go back and read them if you care.  In general though, as I mentioned at the beginning of this piece, it is the smaller airports which more often facilitate a smoother travel than the big ones.   

Enjoy the continuation of summer.  There is still enough of it.  Summer piece 2 coming later this week.  

  

What Time is it?

It is getting into August and I skipped writing all July.  Why? I was on vacation and having a great time being a friend and a dad.  Great time.  So I missed July.  I had this idea since the beginning of July and a couple other themes I will write about now in quick succession to make up for the lack of 2 articles in July.  

I live in another culture from what I grew up in.  Many times I have heard and a friend has heard comments directed to us from the new "home" culture that we treat our children differently.  We treat them with some abandon and let them be wild.  For instance, when my friend was in a hospital with his children a nurse looked at him with scorn, and said "HERE, we do not let our children run amok in a hospital".  In fact the kid had just run from a room to his father.  No biggie to my friend, but I guess it was a serious lapse for the nurse.  

So, now my daughter is 15 and i want to do the right thing.  But what is the right thing?  I guess that is the 60 000 euro question.   

Initially last year I let my daughter go to a couple concerts and have friends sleep over. She also slept over at a friend's house.  That somehow got the ire and fire of my wife upon me and she of the native culture said I was doing it all wrong and destroying our daughter.  

Now, in retrospect I have to say I WAS a bit lax at the time and I should have said, "no" some more.  But I was trying to treat her like an adult. I always do that. I do nag, but I want to say, "look, you be responsible and you can do that."  

I guess the problem was she wasnt responsible. OR, she wasnt ready to be responsible.  OR, that teen agers are never responsible.  

Other parents have voiced concern about letting their daughters stay out late even when the daughter is 18.  "I couldnt sleep until my daughter came back. Luckily it was only midnight when she did," said the father of an 18 year old.  And another Father: "My sons are usually home by 10 pm.  There is no public transportation later, so they have to come back, or I have to pick them up, which they dont want, so they come home not so late."  

On the other hand, one father told me that he let his daughter stay over at a friend's house.  If they arent home in the evening by 10pm then he knows they are sleeping over.  And another father said his daugther was responsible and didnt drink or smoke and she stayed over at friends' houses on the weekend.  But she was responsible.  

Ok, so there are different models.  Sounds good.  

But then my daughter started staying out till 1 - 2am in the summer.  My daughter said, "dad, its summer."  I wasnt so sure it was a good idea even in the summer.  The father of the sons who came home by 10pm criticized me and said, my daughter would be a mother pretty soon and that ... that staying out till 1am was a bit much. Even past midnight was bad.   

But it was the summer and there was little i could do as my wife let the daughter stay out too.  But it did worry me. I didnt think it was really the right thing to do. Sadly, I have to admit that I didnt think my daughter was responsible enough to allow this.  But I was leaving for vacation. It was up to my wife, and, she allowed it.  

What in fact happened was my wife had a fight with my daughter and my daughter ended up staying with her friend for an extended amount of time.  Otherwise, if I had been home, I think I would have said she had to be home by midnight, but my daughter wouldnt have paid attention to that.  Dont think I am ineffectual, just that type where as a result of treating them like adults, they take a mile where I was hoping that they would only take a yard.  

Look, its a lose lose proposition.  By the time they are in middle teens, they resent most all of what their parents ask of them.  So, either you let them do what they want to do, or you put your foot down and dont let them do what they want, but they find a way to do it anyway.  We have to hope for a degree of responsibility, but when it isnt there, we have to sensitively put our foot down. 

It is always a matter of degrees and give and take.  Parents have to let up some, but teen agers have to understand that responsibility is expected of them.  Which they probably dont.   2am is too late, but if you say midnight or 10 pm, they are going to stretch that. And if you put a curfew on them... its counter productive. Then they really want to get away from you and they end up staying the whole night at their friends house and who knows if they came there at midnight or 4am.  

Lose lose.  

Action vs Laissez Faire

Even though it is the end of the school year I have learned my lesson and do not say anything to my teenage daughter when she is in a hurry in the morning and putting on her make up.  

"It s 8.10 am,"  (she has to be in school by 8.30, 15 minutes away hustling it a bit.). "Leave me alone and just call the elevator!"  

Admittedly it has taken me years to learn to tell my daughters the time ONLY when they ask me. In fact I am not sure I have even learned it yet.  I get antsy and nervous myself when the time is getting late and they have to get to school.  

"It 8.12 now." 

This is the conundrum.  

If you try to help, it is only seen as nagging.  Granted it might depend on how you say it, but I think in many cases even this would not matter.  "Daughter, its 8.12 now"  would garner the remark "leave me alone, I am hurrying" in any tone of voice.  Admittedly,  "trying to help" often just turns into pushing them to get moving and get something done.  But what I just told my older daughter again yesterday, was that her brain is a mess right now and she may not pick the good or logical choice.  Therefore I have to point things out to her, bad choices and maybe it is time to change. I told her, "You have been watching on the telephone for at least 4 hours now, if not more and I think no matter if it is Saturday at the beginning of vacation, that is enough and you should stop."  C'mon 6 hours on the stupid telephone either watching or playing games is not a good choice.  I was only there to point this out and push her to action to do something else.  BUT it only got me yelled at.  "So, now you have the right to control my life and tell me what to do?"   Well yes, but mainly I only want to point out a bad choice you are making.  I might have to point this out in other areas too, but in general it is mostly with phone time."  But it was seen as nagging.  Right or wrong.  

So this is the conundrum.  That I am the father and should give fatherly help and advice to my children, especially when they are in a "brain fog" time when their brain is not necessarily going to "do the right thing".   But my help or advice is merely viewed as more nagging and control over them that they reject it and even yell back at you.  The "help" becomes counter productive because perhaps they will just do the opposite of what you ask.  This is not some power grab from myself trying to feel appreciated.  I dont need power over my children. But unfortunately it is probably seen as that from them, maybe sometimes. 

 But the opposite is to sit back and do nothing, laissez faire style.  Let them make the decision or action right or wrong.  

The problem with this from experience is that nothing happens.  So, you dont get a clean room, they dont get their work done, or at the very last moment full of panic and demands for help from you or mother.  You may ask, at what point do they realize that they have a total mess in their room or bed and they better clean it up.  Answer is, never.  Seriously.  

Unless they get bed bugs crawling in their bed, they are not going to stop eating

pizza and potato chips in their bed.  Any nagging on your part will either be rejected or finish by you pulling them to the kitchen to eat their pizza and declaring sternly, "no pizza in bed, no chips.  No more".  One or the other.  

This is the naked truth which I think parents have to realize.  You have to decide for yourself, parent, which direction you will go. Or, as the case may be, you can choose one way sometimes, and the other way other times.  However, this might end with a lack of respect from your kids that you really dont mean it and if they dont do anything, nothing will happen.  Or even them waiting to see which direction you will go this time, the forceful one or the laissez fair path.  And they will understand to wait for it in the future.   

I am sorry. I have no resolutions or answers or results.  You will have to choose yourself.  This is disturbing for me, let me tell you. 

We have to see What it is about

I guess it is easier for me to do this because listening to new music is my job.  BUT, I have said several times, maybe not yet in a post in this blog, but here now,  that listening to new music helps keep you younger.  When you open yourself up to new things and new sounds and you dont get caught in your own box... well, quite often I am caught in my own box,  BUT not when it comes to music.  

So naturally I want to ask my 15 year old daughter what new music is out there and what she is listening to.  She counts herself as one of the smartest most expansive hip hop listeners in our area.   So of course I will ask her what is new and good. Not only does it help me keep up to date on that scene, but I enjoy talking about music and so does she. I think, even though she will still call me stupid about it, it makes her feel good that I ask her.  Maybe, maybe not.  

Granted, I am not such a hip hop fan as I used to be. I was listening to the second wave of hip hop with Public enemy and De La Soul and Boogie down Productions. But in the 90s I got away from it and started listening and selling more of the new branches of punk. 

In the last two years or so, I recognize that hip hop itself is entering its 4th or 5th wave of popularity.  I have to admit I hadnt even heard of guys who are huge and have been around for ten years or so like Tyler the Creator and Future maybe.  

Now in the past month or two I have been actively trying to increase my knowledge and selection of hip hop artists.  I didnt want to get Cardi B because.... um... from what I heard I didnt think I would like anything about her.  But I did.  I ll listen.  I like Tyler.  Sometimes he is too cheesy and more RnB than hip hop, but he walks the line, he straddles the fence, just as De La Soul did.   

But see that is really the connection I want to make between me discovering new younger music and a way toward more peace in the world. Huh? You are going to say.  But listen listen. 

  We have to keep wanting to discover and keep ourselves open to new experiences and ways of life.  Otherwise we just close ourselves off more and more and live in our closedgate community. Not only that but we understand other people less and their ways AND we don't understand why they can't see things our way.  

Then we are just two tribes warring against each other to establish our own views and way of life on the other.  Think about it.  Where is that happening in the world? 

It isn't as difficult as it used to be.  In the past we WERE little enclaves fighting each other and the people in the next town over were our biggest rivals and bigger cities farther away might as well have been another planet.  

But in these days we can see what is up in other countries on the other side of the planet with the click of a button.  Granted, I think it is rather shallow and lacks depth and understanding, but, we dont see them as from another planet.  

When you can first a)recognize differences OR similarities, then b)acquiesce or understand them then c)empathize with them or at least have nothing against them.... then, then I think we are getting someplace.  

It doesnt have to be music. Music is the easiest for me.  It can be food or culture or religion even.  

And all this can start with you listening and paying attention more to what your kids are into.  If you can see what's up with your kids and what they are into, then it is an easy step to check out whats happening in other societies and other places in the world.  

One person, one step at a time, peace can be achieved.  A.B.C

 

I recommend any of Tyler, the Creators last albums: