Summertime 2024 2: Simple joys and happiness in traditions

As you can see from the date that I wrote this, it is right after the Democratic National Convention which just took place last week.  I was terribly interested in the proceedings and watched a lot and tried to read up on Ms. Harris some.  Among all the good things being said there was a little disappointment when I read that her father and mother were getting a divorce when the kids were in elementary school and even though the father even desperately wanted to bring the kids up himself, it being the early 1970s the mother received custody and the father only got visiting rights on weekends for instance.  For sure at the time it would have been unheard of for a FATHER especially a black father to get custody of his kids even though he was the first black economics professor at Stanford University to tenure.   I cant say I know what the circumstances were, so I can not pass judgement, all the same, it is a bit of a shame, although it might have put us in a completely different universe than what we have today.  Maybe. 

However, what I really wanted to say was that he DID have both his kids in the summer and he brought them probably many more times than once back to Jamaica for the summer.  The place isnt important, what is important is that he brought them to the same place (?) every summer and that he was with them.  Both things for sure had to contribute to a better upbringing of his daughters.

A. For one he was an incredibly smart man (of course the mother was also) and would have time in the summer at least to "transfer" some of his wisdom to his daughters, even considering their young age.  B. Even more important, to give them some roots and tradition, a place they could fondly remember all their life (I hope) and a sense of tradition, home and community in the summer. 

 I didnt really intend to write such a lengthy intro to my post, but there it is, for what its worth.  The point is I want to draw parallels to my own summer(s).

Especially this one. 

Not that you are supposed to do anything real deep and meaningful when you are young over the summer, but the very fact of repeating a tradition year after year IS the growth and development which is important. This is stability in the  summertime which includes roots, traditions and a community.  Even if  you can recall when you are an adult, "that I spent every summer in .... and they had the best pizzas which came from ......  We always got those pizzas at least three times over the summer.  Oh, I can still taste them now."  Or, "Yeah, my dad was pretty bad at chinese checkers and I beat him 90 per cent of the time." 

Look, now we come to my usual boring, banal part which I love to write.

Most days I would wake up 8,9ish, read in bed and write in the morning.  My daughter, she still slept late this summer. Even though there wasnt the added incentive of my other daughter there who ALWAYS sleeps late. My younger daughter STILL slept late till 11 or 12. I was happy with this. She was getting 10 hours of sleep which is good for brain development at her age.   

The first question of the day was always, "checkers?".    No matter who asked, the other said of course, "yes".  I think there was only one morning we didnt play chinese checkers.  It was supposed to be a two game wake up, but my daughter would beat me both games and like a gambler, I always wanted another chance to try to beat her. But if it got to be four games and I hadnt won.... no sense, I gave up.  

If we didnt eat a quick lunch or have a home reading day planned we had some outing or errand for the early afternoon.  And some of the errands we had were quite simple.  

In this day and age where entertainment has to be "big" like all day at the carnival rides, or skydiving or ... or, I think it is the most amazing thing that my daughter(s) have always loved our grocery shopping trips in the summer.  The whole process of writing up the list and then we get there and fan out, "ok, I ll get the juices and drinks,"  "Right and I will be at the meat bistro and the vegetables and fruits section." And then we come back to the cart and dump the items and cross them out on the list and look to see what the next item is.  Dinner meats we have to peruse together, prices and what we can make and cook for dinners for three to four days.  And it always took at least 45 minutes.  It wasnt possible to be quick, it was always that amount or an hour.  And when it was all in the cart we each take a guess how much it would cost and who would be the closest in the total amount, kind of like the Price is Right game show.  "What is the worth of the groceries in this shopping cart?"  Folks, you can laugh if you want, you can call me corny, but to find such joy in such a simple, basic job of our western life makes me happy.  I dont need to skydive, or swim in shark infested waters, though I am sure those are fun too, but I can find joy and happiness, and I think my daughters can too, in FOOD SHOPPING.   Go ahead, find the fulfillment in grocery shopping.  Your life will be much better for it.  

Huh, maybe I should have written a full post on that. 

Those were just a couple days. Other than that, we had a dunes day, three knitting class days, a movie day, a couple buying at the shopping mall days, several beach downtown days, two walks in nature preserve days AND several stay home full days reading days.  Also a walk in town and buying books day. 

Whatever it was, most days we were back at the cottage by late afternoon, 5pm or even 6pm for a swim in our lake.    

Especially in that first week in mid July when the temperatures were in the 90s, the lake was very refreshing.  I want to thank my good friend for being there two weeks with his daugther because often the highlight of the day was that swim by the four of us. It entailed tossing the football and diving under the water, seeing how long we could stay under water, floating, underwater hand stands and just talking and messing around.  Actually there were many highlights of the day, because everything in the day was enjoyable, but the pull of the water for me, being in a body of water is psychologically cleansing it seems.  Maybe.  It has some mind cleansing property which adds another dimension of happiness to the whole "thing" of being in the water up to your neck.  

And a late dinner, geez 8 or 9 pm.  Who eats that late? Well, when the sun goes down at 9 to 9.20pm its a perfect time to eat outside on the deck.  

In those hours in the evening we would also find time to sit on the dock on the lake and fish or talk or look at the stars which werent out yet and get eaten by the mosquitoes.  

The thing is, this is probably what we have been doing for 5 years now. It doesnt change that much each year. A couple of new places or trips, some still that we have to take, but year after year, not much different.  But ... I think we all love it that way.  (I hope).  It seems so simple, and it is, but it is so rich, that I thank my lucky stars, and my mother, that I (we?) can find such value in the simple traditions of summer. 

And I hope Kamala Harris during her summers with her father in Jamaica also felt a richness in the tradition of summer after summer.  And it contributed- I think it did but what do I know?- to her well being and her strength.  And maybe, just maybe, it will be a source of strength or at least fond memories for my daughter(s) in her future.  Then I will feel satisfied and happy that I did at least one good thing as a father for my children.  

I hope you had a great time with your children this summer. No matter what you did.  Being with them is the important thing.

Getting this album in next month.  Listened to it during writing.  

 

Summertime 2024 1 Start : A good airport can get you relaxing faster.

I want to first start off with hats off to good airports. You know, it must be a feather in the cap for an airport to become bigger and put in another runway, as per London Heathrow for instance. But I say, it makes them worse.  There are some airports I will not book to go through at all now.  London Heathrow is one of them.  Chicago O Hare is THE worst airport I will never go through again if I can help it.  However, Atlanta, which is a big airport hub, is ok and seems to be able to control its "bigness".  

But the airports that I now always try to book through are, in Europe, Amsterdam

Schipol and in the US, Detroit for the eastern US. All the airports I have mentioned I have used at least twice.  Hats off also to the Sarasota airport in Florida for being big, but still small to get around in.  Granted some years ago, they did cancel a flight because of a lightning storm, but this time they did not although I thought they might cancel because the heat was terribly excessive.  Even after a hurricane.  

The thing that makes a good airport is its ability to reduce stress in the travelling IN the airport. Two areas where stress can increase is waiting in lines and going from one gate to another in connecting flights.  Chicago fails utterly because its customs line and lines in general are out of control. You have no ability to know for sure if you will make your next flight.  You have to book with a three hour layover just to cover.  And the walking from different gates does not help either.  Though there are worse.  

Amsterdam airport is also a hub, but not huge.  I did have concerns both times this year with the stupidity of their customs officials.  One in which I was separated from my daughter -- "didnt you see the sign which read 'no one under 12 in this line?'" in fact I had not and I still did not at any time.  And when I showed my green card to the official, he had never seen one and had to ask his superior if such a thing existed.  Geez, where are we, North Korea where the customs have never heard of a country called "Ireland"?  

But this was more than made up by the superior boarding process now of KLM.  They used to have a long line because they had to question everyone, "who and when did you pack your bags, did you get any gifts from anyone...?"  Now they just take a photo of you upon boarding the airplane.  Zippo, poofo, much more efficient.   

Detroit was golden.  I got off the European plane and walked to customs on a Saturday late morning and there was no line to speak of at customs (all people have to go through customs and pick up their bags and check them through again on the first airport on entrance in the US).  Not only was there hardly any line to speak of, the customs people were nice and efficient and we got our bag with no problems.  The process was so quick that we were able to catch an earlier flight to our end destination and arrive at our destination with an extra 4 hours or more to take care of starting our vacation.  Wow, that never happened before.  Courtesy of a good system at Detroit.  

Since we got in so early we were able to take care of the things that needed to be set up to get ourselves "rooted" in our vacation.  Get the car, get some groceries, unpack, if I had been smarter we could have even gotten our library books right away.  And get the swimsuit out and get in the water right away on the first day in the afternoon.  

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.  

I have written several times on the case of airports on my blog.  But again I will tie in this subject of airports with the blog subject of being a father.  My kids are teenagers now, and pretty good travellers (my daughter was running ahead of me this time to get to the connecting gate faster because we thought we had to rush), but when you are travelling with small children it is pretty important to know which airport is going to give you more stress as you travel with your family vs which is going to facilitate your travelling smoothly.  When you are responsible for keeping your kids with you and being prepared with their customs papers AND getting to your flight on time, you should know which airport will help and which will hinder.  Keep in mind there is usually a couple ways for you to get from point A to point C or D and by no means is it a matter of "well we had to connect through Chicago.  No no no.  Over the years I have amassed a little volume on the good, the ok and the downright stressful airports.  I have several posts in my blog on the airports, go back and read them if you care.  In general though, as I mentioned at the beginning of this piece, it is the smaller airports which more often facilitate a smoother travel than the big ones.   

Enjoy the continuation of summer.  There is still enough of it.  Summer piece 2 coming later this week.  

  

What Time is it?

It is getting into August and I skipped writing all July.  Why? I was on vacation and having a great time being a friend and a dad.  Great time.  So I missed July.  I had this idea since the beginning of July and a couple other themes I will write about now in quick succession to make up for the lack of 2 articles in July.  

I live in another culture from what I grew up in.  Many times I have heard and a friend has heard comments directed to us from the new "home" culture that we treat our children differently.  We treat them with some abandon and let them be wild.  For instance, when my friend was in a hospital with his children a nurse looked at him with scorn, and said "HERE, we do not let our children run amok in a hospital".  In fact the kid had just run from a room to his father.  No biggie to my friend, but I guess it was a serious lapse for the nurse.  

So, now my daughter is 15 and i want to do the right thing.  But what is the right thing?  I guess that is the 60 000 euro question.   

Initially last year I let my daughter go to a couple concerts and have friends sleep over. She also slept over at a friend's house.  That somehow got the ire and fire of my wife upon me and she of the native culture said I was doing it all wrong and destroying our daughter.  

Now, in retrospect I have to say I WAS a bit lax at the time and I should have said, "no" some more.  But I was trying to treat her like an adult. I always do that. I do nag, but I want to say, "look, you be responsible and you can do that."  

I guess the problem was she wasnt responsible. OR, she wasnt ready to be responsible.  OR, that teen agers are never responsible.  

Other parents have voiced concern about letting their daughters stay out late even when the daughter is 18.  "I couldnt sleep until my daughter came back. Luckily it was only midnight when she did," said the father of an 18 year old.  And another Father: "My sons are usually home by 10 pm.  There is no public transportation later, so they have to come back, or I have to pick them up, which they dont want, so they come home not so late."  

On the other hand, one father told me that he let his daughter stay over at a friend's house.  If they arent home in the evening by 10pm then he knows they are sleeping over.  And another father said his daugther was responsible and didnt drink or smoke and she stayed over at friends' houses on the weekend.  But she was responsible.  

Ok, so there are different models.  Sounds good.  

But then my daughter started staying out till 1 - 2am in the summer.  My daughter said, "dad, its summer."  I wasnt so sure it was a good idea even in the summer.  The father of the sons who came home by 10pm criticized me and said, my daughter would be a mother pretty soon and that ... that staying out till 1am was a bit much. Even past midnight was bad.   

But it was the summer and there was little i could do as my wife let the daughter stay out too.  But it did worry me. I didnt think it was really the right thing to do. Sadly, I have to admit that I didnt think my daughter was responsible enough to allow this.  But I was leaving for vacation. It was up to my wife, and, she allowed it.  

What in fact happened was my wife had a fight with my daughter and my daughter ended up staying with her friend for an extended amount of time.  Otherwise, if I had been home, I think I would have said she had to be home by midnight, but my daughter wouldnt have paid attention to that.  Dont think I am ineffectual, just that type where as a result of treating them like adults, they take a mile where I was hoping that they would only take a yard.  

Look, its a lose lose proposition.  By the time they are in middle teens, they resent most all of what their parents ask of them.  So, either you let them do what they want to do, or you put your foot down and dont let them do what they want, but they find a way to do it anyway.  We have to hope for a degree of responsibility, but when it isnt there, we have to sensitively put our foot down. 

It is always a matter of degrees and give and take.  Parents have to let up some, but teen agers have to understand that responsibility is expected of them.  Which they probably dont.   2am is too late, but if you say midnight or 10 pm, they are going to stretch that. And if you put a curfew on them... its counter productive. Then they really want to get away from you and they end up staying the whole night at their friends house and who knows if they came there at midnight or 4am.  

Lose lose.  

Action vs Laissez Faire

Even though it is the end of the school year I have learned my lesson and do not say anything to my teenage daughter when she is in a hurry in the morning and putting on her make up.  

"It s 8.10 am,"  (she has to be in school by 8.30, 15 minutes away hustling it a bit.). "Leave me alone and just call the elevator!"  

Admittedly it has taken me years to learn to tell my daughters the time ONLY when they ask me. In fact I am not sure I have even learned it yet.  I get antsy and nervous myself when the time is getting late and they have to get to school.  

"It 8.12 now." 

This is the conundrum.  

If you try to help, it is only seen as nagging.  Granted it might depend on how you say it, but I think in many cases even this would not matter.  "Daughter, its 8.12 now"  would garner the remark "leave me alone, I am hurrying" in any tone of voice.  Admittedly,  "trying to help" often just turns into pushing them to get moving and get something done.  But what I just told my older daughter again yesterday, was that her brain is a mess right now and she may not pick the good or logical choice.  Therefore I have to point things out to her, bad choices and maybe it is time to change. I told her, "You have been watching on the telephone for at least 4 hours now, if not more and I think no matter if it is Saturday at the beginning of vacation, that is enough and you should stop."  C'mon 6 hours on the stupid telephone either watching or playing games is not a good choice.  I was only there to point this out and push her to action to do something else.  BUT it only got me yelled at.  "So, now you have the right to control my life and tell me what to do?"   Well yes, but mainly I only want to point out a bad choice you are making.  I might have to point this out in other areas too, but in general it is mostly with phone time."  But it was seen as nagging.  Right or wrong.  

So this is the conundrum.  That I am the father and should give fatherly help and advice to my children, especially when they are in a "brain fog" time when their brain is not necessarily going to "do the right thing".   But my help or advice is merely viewed as more nagging and control over them that they reject it and even yell back at you.  The "help" becomes counter productive because perhaps they will just do the opposite of what you ask.  This is not some power grab from myself trying to feel appreciated.  I dont need power over my children. But unfortunately it is probably seen as that from them, maybe sometimes. 

 But the opposite is to sit back and do nothing, laissez faire style.  Let them make the decision or action right or wrong.  

The problem with this from experience is that nothing happens.  So, you dont get a clean room, they dont get their work done, or at the very last moment full of panic and demands for help from you or mother.  You may ask, at what point do they realize that they have a total mess in their room or bed and they better clean it up.  Answer is, never.  Seriously.  

Unless they get bed bugs crawling in their bed, they are not going to stop eating

pizza and potato chips in their bed.  Any nagging on your part will either be rejected or finish by you pulling them to the kitchen to eat their pizza and declaring sternly, "no pizza in bed, no chips.  No more".  One or the other.  

This is the naked truth which I think parents have to realize.  You have to decide for yourself, parent, which direction you will go. Or, as the case may be, you can choose one way sometimes, and the other way other times.  However, this might end with a lack of respect from your kids that you really dont mean it and if they dont do anything, nothing will happen.  Or even them waiting to see which direction you will go this time, the forceful one or the laissez fair path.  And they will understand to wait for it in the future.   

I am sorry. I have no resolutions or answers or results.  You will have to choose yourself.  This is disturbing for me, let me tell you. 

We have to see What it is about

I guess it is easier for me to do this because listening to new music is my job.  BUT, I have said several times, maybe not yet in a post in this blog, but here now,  that listening to new music helps keep you younger.  When you open yourself up to new things and new sounds and you dont get caught in your own box... well, quite often I am caught in my own box,  BUT not when it comes to music.  

So naturally I want to ask my 15 year old daughter what new music is out there and what she is listening to.  She counts herself as one of the smartest most expansive hip hop listeners in our area.   So of course I will ask her what is new and good. Not only does it help me keep up to date on that scene, but I enjoy talking about music and so does she. I think, even though she will still call me stupid about it, it makes her feel good that I ask her.  Maybe, maybe not.  

Granted, I am not such a hip hop fan as I used to be. I was listening to the second wave of hip hop with Public enemy and De La Soul and Boogie down Productions. But in the 90s I got away from it and started listening and selling more of the new branches of punk. 

In the last two years or so, I recognize that hip hop itself is entering its 4th or 5th wave of popularity.  I have to admit I hadnt even heard of guys who are huge and have been around for ten years or so like Tyler the Creator and Future maybe.  

Now in the past month or two I have been actively trying to increase my knowledge and selection of hip hop artists.  I didnt want to get Cardi B because.... um... from what I heard I didnt think I would like anything about her.  But I did.  I ll listen.  I like Tyler.  Sometimes he is too cheesy and more RnB than hip hop, but he walks the line, he straddles the fence, just as De La Soul did.   

But see that is really the connection I want to make between me discovering new younger music and a way toward more peace in the world. Huh? You are going to say.  But listen listen. 

  We have to keep wanting to discover and keep ourselves open to new experiences and ways of life.  Otherwise we just close ourselves off more and more and live in our closedgate community. Not only that but we understand other people less and their ways AND we don't understand why they can't see things our way.  

Then we are just two tribes warring against each other to establish our own views and way of life on the other.  Think about it.  Where is that happening in the world? 

It isn't as difficult as it used to be.  In the past we WERE little enclaves fighting each other and the people in the next town over were our biggest rivals and bigger cities farther away might as well have been another planet.  

But in these days we can see what is up in other countries on the other side of the planet with the click of a button.  Granted, I think it is rather shallow and lacks depth and understanding, but, we dont see them as from another planet.  

When you can first a)recognize differences OR similarities, then b)acquiesce or understand them then c)empathize with them or at least have nothing against them.... then, then I think we are getting someplace.  

It doesnt have to be music. Music is the easiest for me.  It can be food or culture or religion even.  

And all this can start with you listening and paying attention more to what your kids are into.  If you can see what's up with your kids and what they are into, then it is an easy step to check out whats happening in other societies and other places in the world.  

One person, one step at a time, peace can be achieved.  A.B.C

 

I recommend any of Tyler, the Creators last albums:

Dad : Macro vs Micro. Sort of a strange Tune Out, Tune In in a different way

It's the end of the month and I haven't written anything.  I just kept putting it off because a) I am a bit addicted to late night television talk hosts this last month or two and so b) I got lazy and just watched first and then said, "bed time".    

But there is so much going on in the U.S./World that the late night people have a lot of good jokes and commentary.  

My older daughter is, for all the tik tok and video games she wastes her time on (that darn Chinese government probably has a HUGELY ledger of information about her courtesy of Tik Tok), well versed in world news and events.  So she was talking to me about things and her view and other people and everything.  It was quite in depth one evening in late April probably.  

I was listening to her and thinking about world events.  The two wars going on.  But actually I wasnt listening to her.  I have to admit my mind was wandering with her voice.  

Don't get me wrong, I am one of the world's best listeners.   This is true and I dont back down from this statement.  Not many people know how to listen.  You can tell right away when people aren't the listening type and most likely are thinking about themselves and what THEY have to say.  I listen intently to everybody.

Except this time.  

I wasn't

Well, her voice triggered all the things I have to worry about and try to take care of or not take care of but only hope that she takes care of them.  In fact I was thinking about the home problems, the micro problems if you will, of the nuclear family.  

For instance, my daughter was taking extra math classes outside of school to help her with school math.  She took it on and off for three months.  Did it help?  When she gets to the test taking, it doesnt help.   The problem is moreso, that she has trouble taking the tests, being on the spot.  How can we take care of THAT problem?  Because that seems to be more of the root of the problem.  

She was going to a counselor, maybe to discuss this problem of taking tests.  THESE are very expensive and I have never seen any bill or invoice or where even the counselor is, or results, or anything. And this upsets my economic sensibilities.  The money just goes.  What is happening?  

And finally my back up: that this is the tough time in

her brain and in life.  It can get sorted out, even before she is twenty.  It is just messy inside the head RIGHT NOW and as a result their lives are messy.   It'll work out.  It can work out. It may work out, but.... what do I have to do to help it along? I have to help it along. I have to do my part. I have to try to keep her in line even when the brain is throwing her out of line.  What should I do? Well, nag her to get to bed to get enough sleep. That is important, getting enough sleep.  Try to limit her time on the wasting of the time and make sure she gets other things done, school work and her house duties.  BUT also, to let her be and try to let her work it out herself.  

But wait..... 

See... it is a fine line of whether to push or whether to let it be.  

And THIS was all going through my head as she was talking about world events and the big news.   It was like one of those camera filming tricks where there is one thing going on on the surface and the camera takes you down a black swirling hole into other conversations and scenes and passes them slowly and keeps going down the spiral looking at other things until at last it pops up out of the hole back to the surface and we are back where we started listening to the surface above the "deep swirly hole of inner voices".  

And I thought: Isn't it so strange that there are all these big macro problems going on and my daughter is talking to me about them, but all I can think about is the micro problems and getting to the end of the tunnel on them?  

Have I lost touch with the world only to be caught up in my small home life? 

Do many many people do this all around the world?  And is it natural? 

I m a survivor ----?

A possible preview advert for a new season of "I m a survivor". 

In our new season, dads talk about surviving being alone with their teenage daughters and sons.  a weekend, 5 days,  2 weeks!  Dad Max has a 15 year old teenage daughter (in the background said daughter is singing along with a new tik tok video which uses some sort of cat lyrics.  She is singing  "meow meow meow meomeomeomeo mee yow...") and he has to spend two weeks, no, more than two weeks alone with her as the other half of the family is going on an extended spring vacation.  Dad couldnt. He had to work and be home with the other daughter.  "oh lord give me strength" we heard Max mutter as daughter was singing the cat song again, and then going to some "ye" song.   ("Kane" West, doh).  

Back to reality now.  Yeah, that was what I was thinking at the beginning of the two weeks as the other two left for vacation and my daughter started singing the cat song. I immediately thought of a new season of Im a survivor featuring,... Me. 

Then I was going to write again after two weeks and give the "survival view".   That would be close to today, tomorrow or Monday.  

So far, it looks like, as Gloria Gaynor sings, "I will survive."  (bad dad joke). Except my back is still worse even though I tried to start up my back exercises again.  It feels better just to stand all day.  Sitting wrecks it up. But I divest or digress. Not sure which actually.  

The ROYAL pain is that she doesnt like most of the food I make, or just doesnt eat it. Seriously its not my fault, I ask her what she will eat? What I can make, but she just makes herself some stupid noodle dish.  Which meant I had to do regular shopping AND I stocked up on other foods AND I still had to give her money to buy her own food.  So you would think I could have saved some money with only the two of us, but it didnt really work out that way. It came out just about the same as when the whole family is here.  Strange. Strange brew in fact.  

So economically, I survived, but didnt thrive. I wasnt even able to climb my way out of some debt with fewer food payments, as i was hoping.  No. 

She had vacation and I had work so she was mostly still sleeping when I left for work. And I go to work later than others.  But it was a pain because she stayed up till 2 or 3 am (actually it is 1.30 am now, but Saturday night, so I am allowed to stay up too).I sleep like a deer so i would hear her padding around and eating cereal at 1am and doing this and that.  Sleep ..... was bad.  I get my "cleaning brain" deep sleep from midnight or  1am to 5.30 am after which I have my worse REM sleep where I dream too much.  So she was making noise just in my deep sleep time which messed it up and my brain didnt get cleaned out as well.  This means I can blame my alzheimer on her later in my life because my amyloids (sp?) werent cleaned out as well living with a teen ager who went to bed at 3am. 

SHE yelled at me.  "Well, without Mom home, someone has to yell at you,"  She said.  (I dont get no respect in this home, not even Donald Trump could maintain his ego in this household, let alone my lower self esteem hubris).  Granted I did nag her.  Parents have to nag.  But she threw it back in my face. Last Sunday: Please clean the bathroom before you go on your trip on Wednesday and can you do a dark laundry?  Yeah I ll do it.  She actually did it Thursday as she didnt go so she slept on Wednesday and did it Thursday.  

But all I asked was to please put away the paired socks I did that are on the couch. How that caused her to have a complete tyrannical, unhinged shout at me, I really dont know.  She sometimes has a short temper, like her mother.  ugh.  So then she refused to cook the dinner.  Well, ok.  Too bad I mean, but I ve been cooking anyway.  

She did clean the bathroom really well though and did the laundry.  I appreciated that. 

We did have some nice times. Although I was hoping we could go see a movie together. We stayed at home instead and watched.  Twice.  Once she fell asleep.  The second one she stayed awake.  Uncharted movie.  We have interesting conversations on occasion.  Better than when there are other people in the house.  She is able to have an intelligent conversation.  Even though she doesnt study much, she seems to have a lot of information.  I wish her head would get in order and she could find a direction with her information, but I suppose that will come.  I really am not going to push her ON THAT.  Seeing as I had no idea myself for most of my life and still sometimes now.  

She did feel regret that she hadnt been productive enough one day. So she suddenly got up from the couch at midnight after watching 5 hours of tik tok or whatever and did the i-roning, the laundry and cleaned her room till 3am in the morning!  I too was "lazy" and just felt like watching late night programming and reading the newspaper every night till 1am instead of writing or working or doing something productive. I too was very tired.  So... I shouldnt be hypocritical.  

Dismayed

The point is... well, I am kind of dismayed that nothing turned out well enough. Not the money, not the sleep, and not the going out with my daughter.  But... it wasnt a fiasco.  I think a total failure would have been nagging and yelling every day, really badly.  Occasionally it happened, but then it worked out and we got back to talking with each other. Even after I said out in the open that 15 year old teen agers are ... really ... bad. I am not sure I used those nice words.  She said, "so I am bad?" I said, well no, and yes, its just that your brain cant put things in a good order and often just acts out of impulse and doesnt choose well.  In a couple years it will be able to manage things better, and hopefully make better choices.  

But I guess I have survived the ordeal.  I am a survivor

But actually this is not how I thought this post would be written. I thought it would have a lot more survivor emotion and intensity and then we battled and then she yelled at me and turned up her hip hop.  Some of that did happen, but really it just was a going along life is life.  Why I have people in China reading my blog is beyond me, but thats cool.  It really is just down to earth banal even possibly boring little incidents.  But thanks in China and even in Russia for reading. I kind of think they must be robots. Who else would read this tripe? 

hahahahahahahahhahahah

Car bomb and Spoke. 

Again I have been listening to this band  CAR BOMB. This album "Meta" will just give you brain melt or will rattle you from your toes to the hair on your head. Or rattle your spine.  Incredible.  Maybe it is good for my back, or bad.

Just "refound" SPOKE S  other cd album.  "done" in the store warehouse.  Last one.  I love their chord changes. 90s melodic hard core. From 1994.  I m going to buy it myself.   

Afterword

On the next day after I wrote the above. She really ripped into me and said I dont know how to cook. I should get a real cookbook (my wife got me the one I use to cook)and  learn how to cook MEALS not vegetarian chili or curry thai chicken.  Cook.... I dont know, get a different cook book. I was confused.  I was deeply hurt and offended. I wanted to give everything up. I should have asked her, "well how would you do it?  Can you give me help on how to make it better?"  But I think she would have repeated to get another cook book.  I had to get out of the house it really hurt. After I gave her money to buy some fast food crap because she wouldnt eat my food.   Surviving, but not very well.  I might make another mix of this post.  Write it again like a real survival show.