2014: Did Daddy improve?

I got sick AGAIN, on December 28 and am not well to this day I am writing (February 15).  And this one was a doozy.   A flu coupled with a strong cough in the chest.  The flu just saps your body strength that by evening if you haven't had a nap during the day you are just wasted.  And even if you have had a nap.  On the weekend when I like to write in the evening, I just have to go to bed.  I stayed in bed a whole week and still it didn't go away completely.  I have to thank my wife for letting me lie in bed and be 0 per cent Daddy, and 100 per cent "just lying there sick like a dog" Daddy.  Again, I ask myself, how do single parents survive in these situations?  Why do they put themselves through it?

So in the sick department, the family here is not doing so well.  Someone has been sick since October.

I went over all early posts since I started writing in December 2013 and I asked myself, "Have I gotten better as a stay at home Daddy?  As a Daddy?" 

The biggest problem for me to tackle is the patience.  Have I gotten a control on my patience?  Well something I noticed in the past week:  My youngest girl will eat her entire meal, if it is fish or chicken, it just takes a lot of time.  She had a good chunk of fish earlier this week and I just watched her eat it ... with no problems.  I only told her several times to stay in her seat, sit "regular" and take another bite of dinner.   How young should a child be before they can sit in their chair for their whole meal?  Of course its different for everyone.  How old should you let them become before you MAKE them stay seated and eat?   We are working on her.  She will get better.  Its OK.  I'm OK, just both of us keep a handle on it.  She has to keep eating and I just have to keep her directed on her food WITHOUT the adrenaline OD.  It doesn't bother me.

Still my youngest child rather dislikes me to do anything if Mommy is home.  I wrote last year that she wouldn't even let me change her diapers if Mommy was home.  Well she has graduated from diapers but she wont let me choose any of her clothes, let alone put them on.  I HAVE been able to brush her teeth now a couple times.  But the shower and bath is only allowed to be attended to by Mommy, even if Mommy is away, which means we fore go that on evenings when Mommy is out.  But I am OK with that too.  That doesn't bother me.   

What bothers me, I notice, is when the crying starts.  I thought crying was supposed to be a protective measure for kids, it should drive their enemies away or scare the boogieman, but it has the opposite effect on me.  When she starts crying over something I have asked her to do or something I have had to take away because it is dangerous or she is using it wrong or she shouldn't be playing with it, it really riles me.  It makes me madder.  And the patience is gone.  That is a problem that MUST be worked on.  I have to isolate that problem and be aware of it before it will start to happen and then be ready for alternative action and emotions when she does start crying.  Suffice to say, I have identified a problem and I have to be conscious of it and work on it as MY problem.  Not hers.  

Then what bothers me is when she doesn't do what I have asked her to do.  I got spoiled because her older sister for the most part does what she is told to do these days.  But her littler geezer sister, in her own little three year old way, gives me the middle finger and just goes on with her business.  But then again, she is the second born, and the second born always has a bit of the devil inside of them.  And, well, she is three years old, still the terrible twos, it is natural that she wont do what you ask.  But what am I?  Chopped liver?  I am the parent, she is the child.  But you know what? That logic has about much effect on her as showing her the CERN particle accelerator and explaining what it is and does.  This is CERN.  Yeah, so.  I am the parent.  Yeah so what.

That is 50% again. And in my book that is...

Failed.

So what gives?  If I can ask again.

I just have to still learn how to stay calm and control that
testosterone and the resulting adrenaline and the resulting fighting feeling.


The landlord where I rent space for my retail outlet once threatened to kill me. Man, I wonder how he brought up his kids?

It needs more work in the next year.  Needs more work.