Why do parents still teach fear?

Recently I have been coming into conflict with people on line mostly about movies that are being made and shown in theatres.   In the past year people on an economic blog have  become very upset with several movies made by Disney corp.  Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story, and to a lesser extent Thor and Black Panther.  

People on an economic blog accuse Disney of being "woke" and shoving a political agenda down all of our faces.  I guess I have to interrupt at this time and say that actually the woke movement is from the tens of 2000s, so my daughter tells me and may be finished now or died down or gone. I dont know. It seems to be another word for "politically correct"  I am not sure, I missed the details.  And since I missed the details I cannot say for sure, but to me, it just seemed like  progressiveness.  Forging ahead in trying to get respect for all members of society and earth and INCLUDE rather than EXCLUDE.  

But I suppose these people see it as a leftist movement or liberal, whether it be "save the planet", "anti racism" "anti homophobic"  "anti colonialism"  or any other such topic.  They seem to put it in terms of a political agenda.  I dont get that.  Does the right strive to be exclusionaries?  Maybe so?  I always thought showing respect wasnt a right or left thing, it was just a human value we strive for whether coming from Ward Cleaver in Leave it to Beaver or the coming movie (which should be opening up this weekend as I write) Avatar 2, respect for the planet and environment.  

At any rate, the point being is that I just cant understand parents teaching their kids to hate or even to watch out.  Dont trust those people.  Stay away from them.  Dont make friends with them.  But that said, I guess I can understand.  Is it really because in our hearts we are afraid and want to teach our children either to also be afraid or to be secure by watching out for those other people.  Because they will get you.  They are dangerous.  In other words, outwardly society these days wants us to be accepting but in our hearts, we cannot be, and we are still afraid and we actually pass that on.  

But then I come back to the question, how or why do we still teach our children fear? I would think teaching fear is anti thetical (if that is the right word) to teaching strength.  If you are afraid, then arent you a weaker person?  If you are afraid to do things, or have experiences, you will be a lesser person with fewer experiences.  The stronger individual is one that has gone out to the frontiers and not been afraid.  In the same way, how is it good to teach our children fear of other people?  That only makes them weaker and more afraid to interact and experinece.  Right?  Or does that  come down to DNA anyway?  

So, the point being that doesnt it make our children stronger to go out and learn about other people without fear?  If my children can live in the world and know that other people exist who are different from them and it is not a bad thing, it probably is very good, then dont they become stronger individuals?  So why do parents continue to teach their children to be afraid of others?   To teach fear?  

Exclusive: Disney/Pixar's 'Lightyear,' with same-sex couple, will not play in 14 countries; China in question

 You can not imagine the extreme outrage that was written about Toy Story with Buzz lightyear when he kissed another guy. They were just so angry.   I didnt even see the movie though would still like to, but I cant understand why that so did bother many parents.  And get a load of this.  Not only do parents teach fear, but governments teach fear.  The Chinese government banned that film from being shown in China.  Saudia Arabia, (well of course) banned it from being shown.   That just tells me that these governments are so weak they are so afraid of their citizens seeing a differnet type of person that exists in the world and personally does no harm to you in Saudia Arabia, or China, but for some reason should be feared and banned.  

Well, I guess 1.3 billion chinese people are going to be the weaker for it.   And they will continue to be "afraid".  Where as the superior unafraid individual will be stronger by forging ahead and learning more about everybody and being inclusive rather than exclusive.  The people who can understand and not be afraid of other people, will definitely be a stronger, superior even smarter person.  Sorry Chinese, your government, though not the first time, is really weakening you.  

But what about these Americans who are afraid also and still teach their children fear?  I guess I can understand it, but I cant?  Why should I pass on a fear of mine to my kids?  I want them to be strong individuals.  Every generation must become better and move away from fear.  So thinks me at any rate. 

Lets have a wonderful Merry Christmas and happy holidays for all.   

If I had it in my power, I would bless you all.    

This stupid education system

 When I was in fifth grade I lived in Austria for a year.  But because my birthday was in November I was in the grade below in fourth grade.   I went to the local school, my dad said, why not? They put me in a class with a teacher who could speak and understand a bit of english.  Back in those days very few people in Europe could speak english.   An American in the class was something of a spectacle.  

At first they sat me next to a kid who had lived in Scotland for some time and spoke english very well.  I sat next to him for maybe all of September, but then his father said his son had to move away from me.  His son had to concentrate hard because the tests to get into "gymnasium" would be at the end of fifth grade and he shouldnt have a distraction like me during classes.  I always remember that.  I never met his father, but I sure would like to kick him in the butt for doing that.  

See, this is how it works in Europe.  At the end of fifth grade the kids who can and want (or are pushed by their parents) to take a couple big tests can try to get into the "upper school" and not the regular school  This is called the Gymnasium.  There are many gymnasium schools but you can only try to get into two.  

Please just a little help

So, look, not to be selfish, but I really needed some help. I was in the German speaking school and although I was already pretty good in undestanding and speaking German, I sure could have used the help of that kid for at least half the year till Christmas.  I mean, I guess I still sound selfish, but wouldnt it have been nicer to help out a bit?  But the father was so worried for his kid even before fifth grade when they take the tests, in fourth grade already, that he didnt want ANY distractions for his son.  TWO years ahead of the tests.  As if I was going to bother him so much.   I just needed an explanation now and then.  

The thing is, the father probably hurt his son more than I would have, by adding so much stress to his life and making him worry worry worry for two years.   That for sure did more damage than any bother I would have done.  

Idiot. Jerk father.   I sure would like to find that kid, Martin Haschka, and see what is up with him these years.   I am sure he turned out fine. He was smart.  

Designed to stress kids

So here it is some years later and my daughters have to go through the same thing.  But I am not going to stress them out with worrying.  I have always just wanted them to have a nice childhood with friends and doing things and going places and learning at a leisurely, non stressful pace.  But noooooo.  My daughter was stressed out even by herself.  She felt how important it was to get into the Gymnasium and she took extra curricular classes and a special class on learning the tests etc etc... all year.   Ok, it wasnt me. So, if that was what SHE wanted then I had to let her do that.  But I didnt like it.  A ten year old is still a kid and should enjoy her life and be a kid, not stress out about getting into the equivalent of kids university.  That is just lllllll up.   

I have to say, not to sound like a patriot or arrogant, but the American system is much better.  Everyone stays together.  If parents want their kids to go to a special school, they can pay for it and put them in a private school.  Otherwise all the kids are together and pretty much stay together till the end of grade school at the end of 12th grade.  Sure there are tests, there always is, and stress, but not on the par of as I call it, having to get into kids University.  In the US we dont stress out till we have to study for the SATs to place.  But that is at the end of 11th grade or in 12th grade.  Not when you are ten.  There is a big difference.  

Its been like that forever in Europe, and I dont see them going to change the system in my lifetime.  But why?  Why stress out a ten year old?  Even an 11 or 12 year old.  They should be kids playing hockey and volleyball and acting and taking things they want to take after school, or being with friends.  They shouldnt be forced to be stressing out because they have to take a test which could change their life... from when they are ten years old!!!.  This is just stupid.  But, I wont change it, and that is how it is. I can just write my disagreement in this post blog.  

I wish all the kids who have to take these tests good luck, but the thing is, a good good portion of them wont get into gymnasium when they try the first, the second or maybe not at all.  But I think it will still work out for them.  Parents try to scare their kids and say, "you will be working in the grocery shop if you dont get into gymnasium", but me with my optimism think (or hope) they will end up finding some job they like or making money they like.  They wont be damned to a life in the grocery shop.  Or maybe they will want that.  Thats ok too.   

I cant put some final word on this except that I have to thank my lucky stars I grew up in America and didnt have to stress out when I was ten about these tests.  My life would have been completely different if we had had them.  And I feel sorry forall he kids who have or will have to take these tests.   Stupid European system.  

Someone gave me a bunch of CDs last week and this CD was among them, and I rather liked it a lot.   I didnt know that it was actually Joni Mitchells best selling most popular album.  I thought something else was.  It is rather nice because it has a nice twist of jazz in it which she was getting into and jazz would be big in her life from then on.  She had concerts with Pat Metheney and Jaco Pastorius which is pretty impressive.    

The Generation Gap: Is it possible to not exist?

 When I was growing up there was a serious generation gap between me and my parents.  There were many years between us and a giant cultural shifting decades which changed society so much as to produce more gap.  Sadly my older brother experienced more of that gap than I did.  I was ok with my parents.  But I have to use the example of music to show the differences as that is one of the biggest things in my life, and my whole life.  

The funny thing is that our whole family was very into music and musically orientated.  We all played instruments and my brother eventually became a sound engineer touring with bands.  I sell music.  My parents played music but only as amateurs, but it was a huge part of their life with Monday orchestra and Thursday quartets.  

The problem still existed that there was a yawning gap between what my parents listened to and myself.  Paul Hindemith is still very different from the Beatles and Jethro Tull.  Although Jethro Tull is closer to Duke Ellington which is what my mother also loved.  

I thought I would please my parents one day when I brought home new albums from Muddy Waters. I thought it was closer to what they listened to.  But.... no. Only "thats nice honey" from my mother. Yeah.

 

It only got worse as I got into punk, the Clash and Hardcore and then alternative and some metal.  You would think that my father would get it as Paul Hindemith was a real alternative musician.  But no, the overall structure and voices (orchestral instruments vs rock n roll guitar and bass and drums) was just too great.  Sadly my father was not such a great music lover to explore new stuff which was coming out. Just like most people I think his musical tastes had peaked and stopped by the time he was 30.  After that he probably just stuck with what he knew.  Ok.   Probably my mother also.  But she at least knew jazz.  But that too stopped at some point it seems. 

Me, I always needed to explore new music and my interest directed me to new scenes and styles.  Way past my 30th birthday I was getting into new trends and sounds.  So I didnt stagnate and stick with what I knew, I was able to understand and love repetitive music like techno and drum and bass.  I guess it is my job but I think even people who are in the music business tend to go back to what they know.  

Comes my daughter and I say to myself, "there will not be a generation gap."  I can listen to new music whatever it may be.  Throw it at me.  

She is currently very big into hip hop, now often called trap.  Ok, what are you listening to?  Play some stuff.  Ok, here is Von something.  A guy from the bad side of Chicago, block 63 calling hinself the king of block 63.  He was killed.  Playboy something or other, from .......  .  It was gangster hip hop.  Oh man, i just cant get into gangster hip hop anymore.  Straight outta Compton was the last and peak for me.  I just couldnt take the violence and nastiness. I am more peaceful.  so much misogynism.  I dont want to listen to that stuff.  I asked her wasnt there anybody like Chuck D or Public Enemy or BDP that said something of value?  She  seemed to say there was, but she didnt listen to it.  That was old.  She didnt know who Public Enemy were.  

And then that rich dude.  How did he happen to become a billionaire?  With hip hop.  His beats sucked and his text was nothing.  Oh, yeah he made it with a clothes line and marrying a Kardashian.  At the time of this writing he is only a hundreds millionaire and I hope it goes down to a meagre millionaire.  Him and his mouth doesnt deserve millions let alone billions.  

I settled on Kendrick Lemar.  He was ok.  Kind of poppy but ok. I wouldnt buy his stuff, and I am not sure I really even want to listen to it, but I could and probably will as my daughter cried when she

couldnt go to the concert (uh huh, i was going to pay 100 dollars for a ticket?? sheesh, back in the day a concert cost.... well, ok there is some sort of big difference between concert ticket costs also).

The point being EVEN when the cultural gap does not really exist (there are no big movements in music separating us) and I listened to hip hop back in the day and she listened to... trap now.  Its still there.  The generation gap is still there.  Cypress Hill and Flavor Flav, she doesnt want to know who they are.   King Von and Playboi.... mm, I cant take gangster hh anymore.  And all the others seem empty too.   

What is it?  Is it as my friend said, "we teach what we know" or as Genesis said, "I like what I know and I know what I like."  ?    The twain shall not meet? Even when we are just about on the same plain? That gap just opens its mouth and stretches between parents and kids?  

Now, I have written just about music, as an example, but the generation gap probably exists in many other areas.  Do you parents experience this too?  Is it possible for the generation gap to not exist? Only when the Simpsons cartoon serial has existed for 30 years and I watched the old episodes and can watch the new episodes and my kids can watch all episodes are we totally on the same page.  Maybe.

Otherwise.... there it is.  Too big to jump over.  Separating us.  

Daddy back to Zero (well maybe 5-10)

The travel back was rather not as nice.  It is depressing and long.  This is a double meaning for my trip with my daughters back to our winter home and my travel back to not being a full time Dad.  Both are depressing. I guess a lot of males are not meant to be, are not good at being fathers.  Many are not good at being husbands even.  I have wanted to be both for better or worse.  I always try my best.  But you know, even if you are a huge poet star, like for instance Bob Dylan, you have your low periods. Very low.  Same for this wanna be dad and husband. 

  I dont recall my reasoning now, but 5 hours waiting at JFK airport was rather difficult.  All I know is there were metrics making me book that way.   

At any rate, I could feel my numbers flying down the drain, or staying on the old

land as I flew off overseas once again.  As I surely mentioned at the beginning of these travels, I like to have this time with my daughters and do it myself and plan it my way mostly, or not plan it at all. 

There was one part of the trip where the plane shook for over half an hour VERY violently.  I held on to the arms of the seat and repeatedly said "oh Jesus".  My daughters kind of laughed at me.  But I have no trouble saying I was terrified.  When we landed I asked the pilot about it and he said with a smile on his face that at that spot it was very difficult finding a level in which the plane would not be rocking.  It was as if he had no trouble with it.  I dont know why, but I felt my credibility get stabbed with a leak and my air went out.   Maybe being a dad is holding still, not panicking and being a pillar, and not a pillar of salt.  I was not. 

My fatherly position developed a leak and then was flatted like a tire.  

Mommy took back over her position and my position again became secondary. 

Well, we have it set up like this but in fact Mommy took both my daughters on her little vacation and I was left to work steady with no stopping.  We have always done that, it is given, its ok.  But... its not ok.  

My Daddy at home at least 40 per cent shrank to, well to zero I guess.  I was taking care of nobody except my self and my business.  My daughters were gone to Denmark or to the woods in central Europe and I was left to take care of tourists and to provide them with excellent music of their choice.  Yes, I do that and I am happy with that.  But... I would like it both ways.  

For the next three months my business came first and my family.. well sometimes first and sometimes second admittedly.   My daugthers went back to school in September. My younger daughter entered a new school.  My older daughter continued in the same school hopefully learning even more.  And I worked hard at a turnaround in a very difficult work environment and a big challenge.  

Its times like these that I refer back to my writing on Owl in "upstairs and downstairs" where Owl is upstairs and he wonders what is happening downstairs so he runs downstairs but then wonders what is happening upstairs.  Etc.  

On the other hand, I had a month of 100 per cent, now I have, well, three months at close to zero.  Maybe it evens out.  Maybe it is meant to be like that.   

Those couple Sundays that I played ping pong in the park with my younger daughter were very enjoyable.  And I think I went to a movie once with my older daughter, though that might have been last spring already.  The whole family went to see Thor "love and ...." whatever that one was, in the movie theatre.  That was also nice.  So its not like I am that father in that Cat Stevens song, "cats in the cradle", i am home and I see my kids every day for several hours and sometimes we get out.  

Still, the 100 per cent of summer is much nicer than the 10 per cent of Fall.  Bob Dylan still put out albums when he was at 10 per cent.    

I didnt listent to any music while writing this but my older daughter was playing

me a lot of new school gangster hip hop.  King Von, Playboy Cardi, something nindo or other.  And of course Kamal Lemar? no  Lemar Kendricks?  No, Kemal Hendrix?  Sorry Kendrick Lemar.  Another story on this sometime soon.  

Thanks for reading and I apologize if it is not the best writing this time or anytime.  Still, I hope you get something out of it.  But mainly I am writing for myself.  But thanks for reading all the same. If you did take something from it to use in your own writing, could I ask you politely to consider naming me in the quote or even footnoting me?  Many thanks.   

I was listening to this album while rewriting. I didnt like it so much. But maybe more listens are necessary. I just got for sale "time out of mind" "freewheeling" "shot of love" so I feel I can put up an album I have not bought yet.  Still, I think it is not one of his best, but I dont like back up women singers, so maybe that is my thing.  

Note to Self: What to do next summer

 

A disclaimer at the beginning.  As the title reads this is a note to self, strictly for me. I am making it public because I dont care.  People can read it, but it is basically really just that, a note to me on what to do next summer and things to do during the year in preparation.  Hopefully so the summer is even better.  Maybe you will take interest and / or you can use the suggestions also.  I hope.  But first, I am writing just for me. 

To begin with, during the year I will try to lose a couple lbs, kilo.  Just a couple.  I am probably anywhere fronm 5 to 10 kilo over weight.  Losing 10 lbs would be fine and satisfying.  But it is difficult even to lose 2 lbs.  If I lost 2 lbs by Christmas, I would be satisfied.  5 by the end of the school year... pretty good.  Note, its not a new years resolution. I never make those anymore, its just something I would like to happen and I will try somewhat hard for it to happen. In general it would be healthy and good and make me all around better.  

But I have to lose some poundage in order to be in better shape.  Because next year I am planning to climb the dune with my daughter.  She really wants to do it.  But it is a little bit.. challenging and she isnt so old so she could get caught out of shape trying to make it to the top. I want to be in shape to make that climb at the sleeping bear sand dunes with her.  I did it once maybe 15 years ago or more and it was difficult.  So now it will be even more difficult.  So, I have to get in shape for it.  Start now.  

More training of another sort during the year. I want to learn some more meals to increase my supper repertoire.  In fact I can give a little update right now.  I tried making a curry dish with chicken and tofu.  It wasnt strong enough because i didnt use curry powder, I used a curry sauce which wasnt the same. I have to use a powder.  Lots of onions.  The problem is, after I made it my older daughter DID like it and said it was decent.  Not so strong, no, but decent.  But then my younger daughter said, "Dad, I dont like curry dishes."  Crap.  She doesnt eat many sauces, but I thought since she loves hot buffalo wings she would like a curry dish.  But no.  Rats, so what do I do with that?  I guess I will try it again and hopefully add it to my repertoire, but, sort of a lost cause if my younger daughter wont eat it.  Still.....

This one is kind of tough.  I wish I could feel better about driving.  I dont like to drive much.  Each time I go out driving I really have to push myself. I can handle the highway but not the city so well and a big city freaks me out.  I wish I could hurdle this fear of driving.  I think I have had it for many years though.  I really dont know where it comes from because I was only in one major crash in which I wasnt hurt or driving.  Another minor one, but personally I have never crashed.  I have been driving since I was 16 and it doesnt bother me. Just the thought of having to drive sort of turns my stomach before I actually have to drive.  

The dune climb

Because I also would like to plan a couple more outings with my kids.  The last ONE was very successful.  We should do, I wish, three.  Just go to nearby places.  Historical things or a nice town.  Sightseeing.  How can I work on this? I dont know.  

Last and definitely least, I would like to finally get all my excess stuff I have kept at people s places away from them and back to my year round home.  I am very lucky that I had very nice people who let me hold some of my stuff with them after my Mother sold the cottage AND I have been taking it back to my winter home every year.  But now is the time to finish the process.  Either throw stuff out or take it back. I better have the strength to throw some stuff out as I think I still have more than a suitcase full of stuff to take back.   

Granted I keep a big army suitcase (my fathers suitcase from when he was in the army during WWII) of blankets and plates that we keep there, but I should take the rest of the stuff back.  Finish the process.  Get it over with, move on.  Organize it once and for all.  

The thing is now they charge you for every suitcase you check in.  This last summer I got away with taking an extra carry on suitcase and taking stuff in that, but this year I will have to pay to check in a full suitcase. It is still much cheaper than shipping it.  I guess I will put one suitcase inside the other and check both going back.  I want to finish with this.  

And so.  This is my note to self.  Of things to take care of during the year in preparation for an even better next summer.  Well, taking off weight is good for any time of the year.  Also the most difficult.  Well, actually conquering your fears and re wiring your brain after you well into mid age years is also difficult.  

Lets see what I can do.  I dont expect to accomplish all of them.  That is the thing.  You should make a list of things to do and accomplish but be happy if half or even a third of them are accomplished.  Time to step up to the plate, though I already have.  

Best of luck Self.  

I got the just about newest Figurex label titles into the store in September and Figurex31 is very good.  Arthur Robert's Metamorphosis part 1.  Part 2 is also out, but I think part 1 is stronger.  

Also,  I always get the bondage label stuff. I dont think I have this one yet but I will get it on my next order.  

Marcus Homm minimal House full LP

After Dark

Or maybe it is new deep house.  

Very nice smooth grooves.  Great for listening at home, on the dance floor or dare I say it?, background music as you work.   

Summertime blues 2022 part 1 : Suppertime failures

 Yes, if you noticed I called this post summertime "blues" where as all the others have been "no blues".  To state the obvious:  all the others were mostly, nearly successes, and this one .. was not.   What was this failure of the summer?

Suppers. 

To be fair to me, first I will state things which were against me which werent my fault but helped me fail at suppers.  

1.  The stove was not working properly for several days when I needed it.  First it wasnt on at all and I didnt know how to turn on the gas for it.  So, i had to postpone a supper I was going to cook in the oven.  THEN when we did get it going, it went off again and it STILL was not working.  This caused me to cook on the top of the stove and not in the oven.  The meal came out ok, but it was a bit troubling and I had to make changes and adjustments.  Not my fault.  By the day after I think we got the oven working, but I was worried whether it was leaking while it was on.  I could smell stuff in the kitchen, gas, during the day and or night.  

2. We werent there during corn season.  Last year we had corn about half or more

Michigan bi color sweet corn

than half the suppers.  We love Michigan corn, and the local stuff is the best.  But it comes in at the beginning of August.  So we could only have a couple suppers of out of area corn which wasnt as great, but still good, but not LOCAL. And when the local stuff finally did come onto the market, our vacation was just about up. I think it became available in the last couple days we were there.   

3. Ugh, the spaghetti and or spaghetti sauce was a total failure.  That wasnt my fault.  Something was wrong with the sauce and or noodles.  I may have bought too thick noodles and they were too watery?  Maybe.  The sauce was terrible.  Too soupy and the taste was bad. And I bought a well known brand, what I thought was a good brand.  Failure.  Not my fault.  Might not even make spaghetti next year.  

4.  My daughters WOULD not let me make my best signature meal, lasagne.  They said, I can only make that during the year, not in the summer. It is not a summer dish and I am not allowed to make it here on vacation.  They are kind of tied up in traditions.  I understand their reasoning and why, but, it further tied my hands on supper. 

Ok,  but the basic problem which made it a failure was, I just didnt have a big enough repertoire this year.  My big signature meals were seriously diminished.  Lasagne was a no no,  the spaghetti was terrible so I only made it once.  The pork chops were compromised when I made them on the top of the stove.  The hot Buffalo wings also, but I salvaged that operation and cooked half in oven and half on stove top.  But not the usual good ones.  Lost cause.   I cant even remember well what I cooked for dinner.  Corn a couple, three times, maybe 4.  Peegeos pizza 3 times.  Sometimes we had lunch at dinner because we had a big lunch.   A subs one night during the dusk movie.  This and that, but I cant see that it added up to 21 days of vacation.  But it did.  I dont think ANY of my regular meals were a success.   Man oh man.  

The easy thing to do is to fix it in one manner:                                                     Increase my repertoire!!!!

This I have to do during the year.  Even though I will be able to fall back on corn next year more often, I need to develop more recipes for dinner.  And I would rather they not be meals that my wife has already developed, granted though I stole the lasagne recipe from her and the chicken kebabs.  But I have to find my own successful path to dinner.  Should I look for some educational course to learn some more? 

I have to get cracking on this and find some meals to try.  But as of yet the only one I can think of, and wait a sec, hear me out on this one, the only meal I can think of so far to try is macaroni and cheese.  Oh Louise, is that a loss or what? 

But wait, see, my older daughter really likes mac and cheese and I think I could make a good homemade one. She was all psyched about this store bought one, but if I try a homemade one during the year, maybe it could be a success for her. But admittedly it is not the most original, healthy, or wise choice to add to my repertoire.  

Stay tuned during the year as hopefully I can give more reports on my "struggle". To add to my list of dinners.  I better get started on this.  Summer will come quickly and I dont want another summer of failed dinners.      

Dads, if you are going away with your kids and you are responsible for suppers, let me pass on this rule of thumb of how many recipes you might need.  Ie, if you are responsible for a week, it is best that you know 3-4 recipes.  And no, hot dogs and potato chips does not count, even though I have fallen back on that one.  Best to have 4. Then one, maybe two nights you can go out or order in like a pizza or something good.  Get stuff from a real good local restaurant.  Something special to that area you are in.  Space the restaurants.  Ie Monday and Friday or Tuesday and Saturday.  And yes, ok one night hot dogs and chips.  So that is three nights and 4 left for cooking yourself

Two weeks and you are going to need 7 -10 meals in your knowledge cap.  See, nights out is getting tight. You dont want to have 4 restaurant nights.  That is a bit much and the kids will stop liking it really.  You might get away with 4 order food or restaurant nights, but .... maybe, maybe not.  So better to have at least 7 meals you can make and a hot dog and chips meal is 8 and 4 night out and you still have to make up 2 dinners.  Tough call.  

And three weeks, like I had.. well then you can start repeating your meals so you dont need 16 say, you can get away with like 10 to 14.  To tell you the truth, I dont think I have a repertoire of 10 to 14.  For the likes of my memory what did I do? How did I get by?  See, by my standards I am giving to you, I am not there yet.  

2022-2023   RECIPE building is in order and necessary.  Stay tuned.   I ll let you know.   No more supper failures.   

I listened to the new Sarathy Korwar album "Kalak" while I was putting in pictures in this post.  Pretty good synthesis of Indian tabla and rhythms and jazz.  New jazz.   I wouldnt really call this an "Indian album",  it crosses many boundaries and synthesizes a lot of styles. I might not even call this "a Brit thing" though his last album was very British.  This is good stuff with a twist on the new jazz sound circulating as a sub sub trend.  (ie porto quartet, zabelov group). Nice, Very nice. 

Summertime no blues part 6 : Dad as mediator. Dont let your summer slip behind you

 

I think every family with more than one child, has to have someone playing the role of mediator.  There will always be the problem of friends of siblings causing jealousy or anger in the siblings.  That is, if there is a friend for one daughter, but not a friend for the other daughter, it can be a problem.  As the parent, you cant take sides.  But you can give some support to the daughter with no friend.  

My older daughter has had a friend here on vacation since she was 1 year old.  For the last couple of years, before covid and now after the friend has been vacationing up here again.   The two girls get together for the short time they have.  Often it was just a day or two.     

Let me explain. My very good friend now comes back up here to vacation.  We grew up here together.  Both our parents, or his grandparents were friends and our cottages were two houses apart.  For several years though he stopped coming up as his grandmother sold her cottage.  Then my mother sold our cottage in 2018- But I started coming up to the rental cottage very nearby.  Now since 2021 he has been coming up and renting the same cottages with his daughter.  His daughter is friends with my older daughter.  We have a third generation of friends.

My friend s daughter is a bit older and my younger daughter doesnt have a friend.  Last year in 2021 she was angrier and I had to tear them apart more.  For some reason she felt like she had to revenge herself for something that happened in 2019.  My younger daughter was angrier.   

This year, she seems better.  I was actually dreading the week when the two friends would get together. It was going to be a full week of "togetherness" But in fact, it wasnt so bad.  I did play more catch football with my younger daughter.  And when it was evening anyway we settled into a great little TV watching time.  So, it was a nice evening, friend or no friend.  

We had some outings together.  We went to the sand dunes this year.  I drove.  It worked out well, until we were going to the beach to swim.  Then we couldnt find a good space on the beach and people were getting angry.  So, we just drove back to the cottage and swam there.  

We had a nice pizza party one night with smores.  And a hot dog, wurst roasting night, with smores.   

I cant rightly put my finger on what happened except that my younger daughter sort of "got over it" and accepted her position and exorcised her demon against the older friend.  She was fine with the situation, but I am not sure that i had anything to do with it.  Besides that i tried to give her a bit more attention.  I lucked out.  My daughters are in a serious fighting mode at their ages right now, but somehow this wasnt the problem.  

My older daughter told me when vacation finished, "dad, dont let me stay inside next year.  Push me out and into the sun.. " or something to that effect.  She said this when vacation was finished.  She realized that she had had limited time and she shouldnt have squandered it .   Too late.  

Sometime in the last week I had to push her and yell at her to get outside.  Dont stay inside to sleep in the summer.  She didnt have her telephone, I was mostly taking it away from her, but still she was settling into a sort of lazier, oh i dont want to go outside, mode.  She regretted it later.   Too late.  

When you are in the thick of summer it seems you have enough time.  Then when it s over, you realize, you didnt take advantage of the beautiful time you had... enough.  Too late.  

Dont let the summer(s) slip behind you.  Take advantage of them and do good, nice things .   Summers are special.   Push your kids to get outside and do everything outside.  The play stations and on line games on the telephones and ipads have to stop.   Especially if you have an outdoor swimming pool or lake or river... dont let the time disappear with their eyes glued to a stupid screen watching ticks and tocks.  

I had a great summer.  I hope you did. I hope your kids did.       

Summertime not blues part 5. Traverse City Film Fest

 Michael Moore is a very controversial character.  Some would call him the epitomy of the liberal left agenda promoters.   But one very great thing he has done is not connected to left or right, but just great movies, where ever they come from.  That is he is one of the founders (Doug Stanton and local TC photographer John Williams being the other two) of the Traverse City Film Fest begun in 2005, located of course in the Northern Michigan town of Traverse City.   

For several years now the kids and I have been going to the Film fest, to several of the movies.  Even when my younger daughter had trouble    understanding the dialougue which was pretty mature, we went.  They were in awe when we passed the director of Bathtubs over Broadway on the street.  He was like a huge celebrity to us because we had just seen his film and he had answered questions after the movie.  The movie was a documentary.  I think my daughter was 7 or even younger.  

This year was even nicer to go because it had been cancelled for the last two years because of the pandemic and we really missed seeing films we wouldnt ordinarily get to see.  And just going to the movies more was fun.  I especially loved going this year because over the past year I have been reading so many comments from people who say film theatres are dead and they should just pass the way of the horse and buggy.  Michael Moore not only loves making films, he loves cinema.  He has put a lot into refurbishing all the local movie theatres for no other reason than he wants people to enjoy seeing films  in a good atmosphere.  And the film fest is part of that. 

The nicest part probably are the dusk films outside.  Somehow we have never gotten rained on.  These films are usually more family oriented mainstream films, or older films.  You go at 9pm and stake out your patch of lawn and lay your blanket down and spread out your pizza and food and drinks.  Once we bought the pizza on site, but it wasnt very good, so this time we brought a peegeos pizza, the best pizza in the world with us, but I think we finished it before the film started. 

This year I was so happy to see the Wizard of Oz with my kids at the dusk movie.  They never would have seen it otherwise and I havent seen it since I was a kid and I used to see it once a year every year. I miss it.  AND it was in color. I never ever saw it in color.  That was great.   

Later in the week we saw Singing in the Rain.  Another great one.  I have never seen that film. There was no chance I would ever have seen that film either.  So I was happy to see it here and at dusk.  And I must say, it was a fine film. I dont usually like singing movies, but it was very nice.   (A note from dad, they cried and cried to see Alien which was going to show at the dusk show, but I said, no that one is not good for you guys, not yet, no way).  I usually hate driving in the dark, but I wouldnt miss going to some dusk movies even if I hate driving after dark.  That is how great they are.  Very good for families. 

In the past, it was more difficult to see the movies, because they are usually documentaries, and maybe difficult for my youngest daughter to understand. But now she is getting older and gets them, so we can see more mature films.   So my choice was to see a documentary on the history of Kurt Vonnegut.  He is one of my favorite writers.  But I think it may have backfired.  Because it wasnt the best movie.  The others we saw were, admittedly way better, and then I was disappointed to find out, and also my daughter, that he left his first wife just as he was becoming a "hit".  I never knew that before and it has  darkened my fondness for him.  

I have to be proud of my girls because they chose very mature movies and I have to say they were very good.  My older daughter chose a story of Kapernick vs America about the football star who knelt on one knee before football games when the anthem was being played.  And Youth vs Gov about a group of teenagers who are suing the national government for not curbing climate change even though they knew about it quite a bit earlier, or had an inkling about it, like from the 70s.  

At any rate, these were tough subjects to understand and for the first time my daughters really understood them and "comprehended".  So not only were the movies very educational, but also very enjoyable. I was proud that they wanted to see these movies.  I really cant understand people who want to see the death of movie house films, maybe just to make a killing on the stock market.  

Becasue the real reason behind Michael Moores support of the film

The founders of TCFF

fest and the reason we go is because it is a whole lot of fun. It is great to see a film at a theatre. It is great to have a family outing at a film and even tough films can be enjoyable, even to pre teens. It just isnt the same seeing them on some stream sitting on your couch and hitting pause when you have to go to the bathroom.  This is something we all like and look forward to now every year.  Taking the family to a film is still the cheapest "night out on the town" if your pocketbook is stretched as it is.  Especially this year.   

For fathers bringing up their kids, I strongly recommend taking the family OUT to see a film.  Get off your tushes and get out of the house.  Really people need to move.  Streaming is fine, but people are not meant to stay home day in day out, they gotta go out too and the films are really good family fun.  It can even be an educational film

The TCFF official picture

Suffice to say that the film fest is now a tradition in our summer vacation and I as a father trying to keep up a steady stream of fun in the summer I can not go wrong with the film fest.  Thank you Michael Moore and co founders for providing this quality fest now which will become a strong traditon in Traverse City.  But try not to miss the cherry and blueberry and asparagus and maple syrup national weeks either.  Those are also a lot of fun for families.  And dads, you can not go wrong with any of them.  So get up and move and get out of the house.  These fests are great fun for the whole family. Dont shy away from educational films.  The kids will even like these.  I guarantee it.  Go for it.  

Thanks for reading

 

Summertime no blues 4: Getting back to being a Dad. Perfect Combination

 

When I take my summer vacation I have a perfect combination of time for me and time with the kids.  Its only three weeks.  Too short.  I know you probably get even less vacation and three weeks is LONG, but believe me, its short.  

Anyway.

Each summer is different of course.  Last year we played an inordinate amount of Monopoly and we were doing that together for a lot of time.  This year we didnt play once.  But we had our schedule.  

Its nice because my kids sleep late in the morning and I dont care. They can sleep as much and as late as they want.   Usually till around 10am or so. Then they read in bed. I always got up around 9 and went out rowing on the lake every morning.  Its great to do exercise every morning.  It makes you feel good if you dont do anything more in the day that you got your dose already and you did good.  Kind of like getting your daily dose of Vitamin C and vitamins.  

My older daughter liked to read still till noonish but I would play some board games with my younger daughter till about the same time.  If we had a reading day, we would read till 2pm or till lunch time.  For some reason sometimes we had lunch extremely late in the afternoon.  More like a midafternoon big snack.  But many of the days we had a late breakfast then we had our "outing" for the day.  

Our library

This is the time when Dad was on his toes and being a dad, this chunk of afternoon.   In the first week we had outings from around 11am after breakfast.  Ie a big shopping at the grocery store on Sunday, clothes shopping on Monday, library on Tuesday and then reading day on the dock for the rest of Tuesday, though we spent like three hours at the library.  Maybe Wednesday was a reading day too.  Saturday was a reading day too.  Thursday, Friday something or other, we may have done the museum one of those days.  

For some reason, or a calculated use of time, we would make it back by mid afternoon and a group effort of preparing lunch, around 3pm or even later.  Lunch was always the same. I dont care to indulge and you would call me a bad dad, but my kids have this affinity to a special American canned food which they eat continuously on vacation for lunch.  

5 pm seemed to be the time for our afternoon swim at the island.  This should

The island for swimming

have been a together thing, but it got pulled apart a bit because one daughter loved to play catch with the football in the water which we did for most of the time. While the other daughter played some, then swam by herself.  This was always prime fine time together.  Also swimming is so nice and relaxing and exercising at the same time.  Being in the water is ... is .... heavenish?  And where we swim it is a sandy bottom. I feel sorry for those who have to swim in rock bottoms.  Not fun.  The boats going by in the main channel sending us some big waves sometimes.  There were still some people left at the swim place, but less than at 2pm.  I dont want to say I died and went to heaven, but, it was VERY pleasant. 

Depending when we started swimming, the end of the swim and after the showers was about time to start preparing dinner. 

I have to criticize myself and say that my dinners this summer were rather a weak point.  When you are a single parent, you have to play both parents. And I didnt learn any new dishes this last year and my old ones were not as popular.  They said, I am not allowed to prepare lasagne as that is strictly a school year dish.  The spaghetti was different and awful. The corn wasnt in stock yet locally where as last year we were on vacation all August when the local corn was totally in season and we ate it most days.  What did I make for dinner?  Boy, I really have to increase my repertoire for next year.  I have to say I did a bad job at it this year, 2022.  Bad job.  I want to improve on this. 

The thing about this schedule though is that dinner was so late that it put us on a path to stay up later.  By the time dinner was done there was no time for another swim or a nice healthy walk, just a small one in the oncoming darkness, or a row on the lake, but not a long one as we didnt have lights and the sheriff can come and ticket us without lights.  So... I guess this is a downsider of our schedule.  But I guess my whole family are "owls" and not morning people.  

TV living room relaxin area

From 10 pm it was TV time together or a bit of reading, maybe a game of Chinese checkers.  TV was great this year.  We found a serial we all liked and watched every night during the week.  I had to yell at them to have the lights off by Midnight.  A bit late I guess even though they were both staying up later even during the year.  I think I got them on a bad schedule as far as that goes. But I dont really see that changing next year unless I put my foot down and say midnight is lights out.  In the summer I hate to do the lights out routine.  If they are reading that is good.  

I had a bit of time for myself at this time, but in fact when I started yelling at them to turn their lights out, they usually came in my room and turned my light out too.  Touche.  

The title of this post is the perfect combination. It doesnt seem like I had a perfect combination. I had my free time for an hour or two in the morning. Not much.  But somehow it worked out during the day or on reading days that I could do the things I wanted to do too.  Anyway, more important to me was getting back and being dad to them fully.  A bit of free time for myself on the side.  ha.  I guess that is as perfect a combination as it will get for getting back to being a DAD!  That is OK,  I think I prefer that. 

An end note. I didnt mention anything about viruses and covid.  Although they were less this year especially with coming and going, they were not eradicated, as it doesnt seem like the viruses will be as we get a rise in monkeypox and even a resurgence of polio.  But thankfully or by our own doing, for most of the vacation, we really were not in close contact with many people.  Yes there was the film festival which I will talk about next post and some friends visited us for the last week, but besides that, we stayed to ourselves. We dont go to restaurants (order take out) and besides for the film fest, we dont get into any groups or among groups.  Even the summer before, 2021,which was much more dangerous, wasnt a concern to us.  So, thankfully it is not something which we really have to concern ourselves so much with, helping the summer vacation to be totally pleasant and relaxing.   

More summer post still coming next even though it is into September as I write this.  I cant get enough of the lovely summer it was.  

Was listening to a classic Indie Rock album and band