A couple years ago in the summertime, myself and at that time one daughter and my brother and his wife went out with my Mother to a restaurant. Of course the waitress asked my sister in law all questions pertaining to my daughter even though my daughter was sitting close to me and sister in law was sitting on the opposite side of the table next to my brother and it seemed obvious I was the father of my daughter. But the waitress continued to ask my sister in law what my daughter would like, if she needed some coloring books if she was done with her food and basically everything.
It didn't bother me. My sister in law was and is childless. It was amusing.
Making my grand flight last week with both my daughters to visit my Mother, their Grandmother, I was sitting between my daughters in a four seat section on the plane. On the end sat a woman who looked rather nice and pleasant but had nothing to do with our family. Yet again the stewardess on the woman's side asked the lady all questions pertaining to my daughter who was sitting next to her. Does she want ice in the apple juice, will she have the chicken or the pasta etc for some time. To be fair the lady was sitting next to my daughter and could have been the mother, but something tells me even after the woman corrected her and told her, "I'm not with them," the stewardess still might have asked her questions pertaining to my daughter, "does she need a blanket."
Again, it doesn't upset me, it is rather funny. No reason to get upset or fume over it. However, it is yet another example where service and the general working society will not credit or maybe not recognize that the Father is the caregiver of the family even at that instant. A mother is always looked for. Granted Stay at home Fathers, even fathers taking their kids out without a mother is still a percentage wise anomaly. Luckily it is (usually) harmless.
ON THE OTHER SIDE... I DO OBJECT!
When I was preparing for my summer vacation with my girls a friend of mine recommended that I get a witnessed signed letter that my wife was aware of and allowed her children to travel without her across borders. Anecdotal evidence said that I COULD be stopped and held up at a customs area and given problems that I was travelling by myself with my young children. Worse case scenario that they could have held me off the flight and questioned me for a "very long time".
I have to first clear my friends name and say that while he has a tendency to cover risks where risks do not exist he was only telling me what he had read on several trip prep sites and even US customs web sites. It was not his idea alone. But to this I objected and resisted quite strongly.
Mainly, it got me fuming that, by his wording, the customs officials were quite wary of Dads with children. Now why is that? Yes I understand that "due to a rise in child abductions by Fathers" (probably starting with John Lennon and Yoko Ono who actually did abduct Yokos child) Fathers travelling alone with young kids are profiled and put on observation. But this struck me as akin though not as nefarious, as racial profiling. In other words, what are you doing travelling alone with (your) kids? That is strange, that is atypical, you must be up to something, ARE YOU ABDUCTING THEM? Please step over here sir for a full strip search and questioning. And we will pump your stomach too just to make sure.
For sure Stay at Home Dads have to rise and resist this stereotyping profiling.
And it got me to thinking that what if the police or authorities carried this out to the Nth degree? What if fathers walking down the street with their kids, picking them up from school, taking them to the park without Mom, were also profiled as possible abductors? After all, why should a father cross a border to steal his kids? He could be surreptitiously stealing them after school or bringing them to the park before he "stole" them. Then what? I can imagine the police stopping me while we sat eating ice cream cones on the side walk. "Are those your kids sir? Do you have papers for them? What are you doing buying them ice cream without their Mother?"
And then you have to go through the shame and embarrassment that in fact you are the primary caregiver and you are taking your kids out for ice cream after school. And the police will look at you as if a) you are a criminal or b) you are a loser with no job because what Father is the primary caregiver for his kid? What is a primary caregiver they will ask. Oh you mean your wife works and you don't? Bahahahahahha, Loser. And you know you just can't expletive deletive an officer.
So, I say, stand tall Dads and lets stop this in the bud before we have to start running with our kids every time we see police cars. We have to be worried about cops pinning us to the sidewalk beating us a couple times with their baton and saying we have the right to remain silent.
Or every morning we will have to go to the authorities with our wives and get our "papers" signed that yes our wives know and accept that we are with the kids without her. And every time we hear sirens we have to fish around for our papers and get them ready to present.
I DID NOT get that paper with a witness signature that my wife knew I was travelling with our kids across the border. And I was all ready to give them a piece of my mind, Harry, if anyone asked me or questioned me on this topic. YES, I am travelling very far with my kids without their mother. Yes in fact I will be on vacation with my kids for several weeks without their Mother and will be taking care of them, hopefully teaching them how to swim this summer, reading to them every night and being the sole brunt of their "Dad, I am bored" "I don't like this food" complaints. You want to make something of it? Mr. Borderguard? Huh huh?
No one questioned me about it. No one gave a damn really. Shucks. I was ready.
Here is the message from U.S. customs and Border Protection>
