Different perspectives : Present Me and Past Me.

 

Prefrontal Cortex

You might not know it but it is difficult to talk to my daughter and tell her she is making wrong decisions.  I have to step in often and help her make better decisions.   Let me map this out. 

The bad decisions stem from all the mayhem going on in the front part of her brain (see my two sides  of the coin from December 31st 2023 post).  This I know is happening because it is happening in all teen agers brains and even twenty something s brains.  Technically it doesnt stop till we are 26 years of age, but who knows, everyone is different.  

this is wrong

Anyway, my brain is done developing and I have no impulse decision making, nor "lets go for it" somewhat illogical temperaments.  Supposedly.   So I think it is fair to butt in to her affairs and tell her, "no that is not good, you really have to stop that and, no, doing that at your age is definitely not good".  I mean, come on, kids who smoke when they are 12... its a bit much.  And kids doing certain things at even 15 is too much too.  A fifteen year old girl can not get married without her parents consent.  There are just some (many) things that minors are not allowed to do, and for good reason.  

That is the law

This is me

When I see my daughter, I see her as young yet.  I think of songs with ages which she hasnt even hit yet, like "l saw her standing there" "you re 16", "I was just 17" by woman singer producer Pen Friend.... and others.  My daughter is just 15.  Not even close to most of the songs which still consider a girl young at 17, "Well she was just 17...".  She is just one year older than 14 which is really young. So when I hear about things my daughter is doing at her age, I say to myself AND to her, you cant do that stuff, you are too young.  No, not even drinking a full cup of coffee is good and I tell her I wish she would stay away from a cup of coffee let alone three a day.  Smoking, drinking, drugs, guns, sex, energy drinks, no none of them.  Too young.  Not good.  Not now.  Much later.  Much later.  Too young.  

Then I get myself into a problem.  I start to think of me when I was 15.  I was in 10th grade.  That was already pretty advanced and "old!.  Man, there were house parties every weekend somewhere. I wasnt really into that scene, but a lot of my classmates were and of course there was alcohol there.  I didnt smoke.  Cigarettes were for the burnouts. I knew it was bad and I didnt want to. BUT there was a group of burnouts smoking off of school propery down on the corner.  But I think everyone in the school thought the burnouts wouldnt go very far.  I grew apart from a good friend because he started smoking pot, geez, when were in sixth grade even. His brother smoked. So he got hooked.  By 15 there were weekend warrior types, even wake and bake kids.  Yes at 15.  I think 10th  graders thought they were pretty advanced..... and old enough.  

Now I am on the other side of the fence and I know it is totally hypocritical, but, they were too young.  We were too young for this stuff.   I know a lot of the kids who were into bad stuff didnt end up well. I am aware of two kids, one in my class and another an older brother of a friend, who committed suicide later on.  

I guess that is partly what it means to be a parent.  To have gotten older and be able to re assess our earlier perspectives with time and hopefully wisdom.  And as hypocritical as it is to say, no, that was not good what I did and I shouldnt have done it and I am going to tell you, nicely at first, but maybe more strictly later that no, you can not do this this or this.  Yes, you are too young.  Yes, I am going to nag you to not do it.  Yes, I want you home by midnight and no, you can not sleep over at a friends house because you have to come home and get good sleep.  And the list goes on, and yes it is a list.   

Me and bad younger me

So I have to say, "younger me, I am sorry, but I must rebuke you. Some of the things you did were wrong and I dont want my daughter repeating them at her age, hopefully not at all, but definitely not now.  So younger me, swallow your pride and stop remembering that you were so old, and knowledgeable because you werent."

Trying to catch on some bands that I either missed out on or are coming back after 30 years of disappearance.  

Duster is a slow core band I missed in the 90s which is getting its stuff re released right now.  

Slowdive was a shoegazer Brit band in the early 90s who is being asked for again by more and more people.