Thursday, March 30, 2023

A Single Parent


 For some reason or another I have taken over many more duties of being a parent.  In fact for the last several weeks I have almost felt like a single parent.  

I have always been negative on being a single parent.  A. It is definitely  not good for the kids and B.  it is tough on the single parent too.  

Kids need both parents.  At different times they may need one parent more than the other. But two is always better than one.  That has been my philosophy.  The weak points in one parent might be the strong in the other.   


Anyway, several weeks ago, my wife got sick and was in bed for a week.  I had to take care of pretty much everything all week. And the whole time I was still working.  It meant doing the shopping on my free mornings Monday and Thursday.  Then preparing the meals in the evening to put in the refrigerator for the preparation quickly when I came home at 7.30 pm.  Then getting people in bed by a decent hour (these days it is getting a bit later 10.30 pm) and then cleaning up in the kitchen or making more meals from that time after they went to bed till about mid night.  

Not me

It worked. It s just that I was too tired after that to do anything else like get on my computer and write, although it seems I still did as I have some posts here. 

Now as I write this, the end of March, I have been again single parenting.  

The workload is strenuous and stressful, but I have managed . In another post I talk about how many evening meals I needed to have in order to "survive" the summer.  This single parent time has helped me increase my repertoire to about ten meals.  Some of them dont work for my younger daughter as she doesnt like peas or curry, but all the same I think I have added three more meals and I have about ten meals I can do.  Unfortunately, if I did this single parenting for an extended period I would need twenty meals ... which I dont have.   

I should mention that luckily both my girls are old enough so that they dont need a parent to go with them to appointments such as doctors or dentists and afernoon activities, so they can take care of themselves in that department. And we live in the city so everything is close enough so that they dont need a car to get someplace.   But I think that other single parents could not take the workload that I have.  It used to be six days, but now I have mostly gotten it to five days a week in retail.   Or single parents would need a relative like a grandmother or close friend to take care of the kids if it were much more, which I dont have here.  

While I have been getting through it, I wonder if I would go crazy after a while or just get used to the workload.  That said, I still maintain that two parents is much better and saner for everyone involved.  But maybe that was the problem that has caused this situation, that I wasnt keeping my end up in the parenting?  Maybe.  

Thank you for reading, send me your prayers.     

Saturday, March 11, 2023

Could Life be so Simple?


 Hi... I wanted to write a post today about how much work my wife does. Not to belittle all the work she does, but I wanted to listen to a jazz album while I was writing. I dont like listening to singers while I write, they distract me.  I like jazz without vocals. 

I have been wanting to listen to more Avishai Cohen, an Isreali bass player who has been playing for some decades now and I have several of his albums in the store. He has played in my town a couple times, but I never saw him.  So I put on Arvoles LP, which I have.  And Arvoles, the title track, played.  It struck me.  It struck me as so simple, yet so beautiful.  It doesnt sound like jazz completely. It could be a simple Mozart composition without the improvving.  The melody.  I have read somewhere that it is a "neo baroque" melody. 

I have read several times that John Lennon used the nursery rhyme Three Blind

Mice in several of his songs.  Three blind mice, three blind mice, see how they run, see how they run.  A simple little ditty.  The melody of the Arvoles by Cohen is a simple little tune.  In some places it sounds like Happy Birthday to me.  Quarter notes in most of the melody.  It is happy throughout, but lightly, not overly.  Just happy like a stroll in the park.  

The cover of the album Arvoles is green and blues.  Trees.  That is what Arvoles means in the language (disappeared?) of Landino.   So it says.  Trees.  That is the cover.  And a couple walking by the trees... in the park.  Couples used to take strolls in the park.  It was common. It was a nice, easy thing to do which was enjoyable.   


The cover of Arvoles is simple and beautiful.  It is very beautiful.  Arvoles, the composition, is simple and beautiful. I dont normally care for Mozart, but if this was taken from Mozart, I would like to hear the original.  Then again it says it is an original composition from Mr. Cohen.  Then again, all of Lennon s compositions (most) were original, but he used Three Blind Mice a lot.  I like Three Blind mice if not so much the lyrics.  

I wonder what the world would be like if a great proportion of the people could live their lives like this picture and composition.  Rather simply, but enjoying the simplicity and not  getting more intricate, intimate or complicated.  I am talking about an even simpler version of John Lennons


"imagine".  Let there be Religions and countries and several of those things he wants you to imagine dont have to exist.  Let them exist, but let us be satisfied with the small things which are beautiful and be happy with those.  Happy Birthday is a nice song.  Trees are vey nice.  This melody of Arvoles is simple and nice.  That is enough.  If that is enough then the boundaries will naturally not exist.  Because no one will be bothered when and if you cross them.  After all we are just out for a stroll.  Nothing more, nothing less.  I am not going to throw a rock, I am not going to preach to you, I am not going to spy on you or your factories or your economy. I am not going to do anything if I cross the border into your country besides turn around when I have had enough and walk back to my abode where I am staying.  Then eat or sleep.  

Should I go on and connect it to being a Father?  

I often think I would have lived best in the 1800s when we could walk outside in the evening for a stroll and we didnt have to do grand things, like take huge trips, think about very deep intelligent, intellectual ideas.  Those were left for a few philosophers and scientists, a very few.  I could do my job, make enough money for my family, come home, eat dinner and take a stroll in the park.  Weekends were closed.  Shops were closed.   I think this would have been my time period. 

(Still no connection with being a father, wait for it)


But even with the simple answer, "NO", that time period doesnt exist. We live in a smaller world and we do fly around and we are more curious and so many of us are thinking and acting deeply and we have to be even more careful, dilligent about our neighbors, and our neighbors are now neighboring countries because we can kill everyone if someone or something gets out of hand.  Constant vigilance and diplomacy.  That is the simple answer, that it is impossible now these days. 

But if I think about it even more, the subtle answer is "no" also.  In fact "no, I dont want to".  Why? Well, you see, even in that time period children went through this trying time called puberty.  While perhaps back then unfortunately they were kept in line through the whip (yes, they were) or even worse, abuse, they still went through this time when their brain is a mess while it is developing and putting on its biggest growth spurt.   Maybe they were quickly married off at this time, or were ushered into a job or apprenticeship and their "mess" was muted, depressed.  

Pictures of a teen brain

Today, I dont want that to happen to my teenagers.  In fact I want them to join the thinking community, not just get a job and join the working masses. I want them to be a mess and think and scorn and be curious about this and that.  BUT to understand also that there are still parameters and boundaries and how they can push them and bend but not break them.   Maybe change them.  In a sense I want them not to just see greens and soft blues but violent blues and every shade of red and there are many of them, and to experience many shades of black.  And to believe that although blues and greens with trees are nice, underneath there may be a plethora of "others".   And ultimately to put in order this vast array of "others" away from chaos, while still showing great respect and responsibility for the "others".   Respect and responsibility for all, not just the light blues and greens.  

So, I have trouble with this.  This nice melody and album cover, is well, nice.  But even though I like it, in a way I have to reject it and tell my teenagers, "wait a sec, look under the trees, look under the rocks, there is so much more to discover. And so much more which is a mess, but you have to learn about and put it in an order.  Woe and sorrow to those who shy away and only want the stroll among the trees among the blues and greens.  Now, you must discover the whole palette and make peace with AND UNDERSTAND ALL OF IT. 

You understand what I am saying?   

If John Lennon had only written melodies based on three blind mice, well, we would certainly have a much different musical landscape today than we do.  My job as a father and yours too, is to tell your teenagers, "hey it is a big big mess and there is so much of it, BUT, do not be scared of it. In fact embrace it, make it yours and be friends with it. Order, but respect too."  Then, your kids will really progress.  Otherwise, they wont know much more than Three Blind mice, and will be kind of bland, ornery... dumb people (of which, unfortunately, there are many).


The picture is nice.  The melody is nice in its simplicity, but Avishai Cohen has several several albums out with many tunes and colors.  He didnt stick to Arvoles, John Lennon did not stick to Three Blind Mice and you have to stick your teen agers nose in so many directions.  In other words, encourage them to find out more.  

I hope, in not too preachy a manner I have MADE MY POINT CLEAR!

Have a nice day.