A Modest Proposal : A New Tradition

This  post isn't really singular to being a stay at home Dad or anything to do with Fathers particularly.  A little bit with children.  But it has been on my mind.  It does have some connections with parenting in general.

Two weeks ago from this writing was Witches day.  April 30th.  I cant go into the background of this tradition, this day, perhaps there is more to it that I am missing.  I should provide a link of a history of witches day, but for the time being, the short of it is the town gets together in the community center or the local soccer field and sets up a cloth witch stuffed with paper or hay and decked out as an emblem of the real witch.  She, and yes all these witches are she, is on a pyre of wood beams and chips.  The town gathers and ... the witch is burned.

In our town some people dress up as witches.  Children also can dress up as witches.  I am not sure whether this is to mimic the witch or make a joke of the witch, but none of these people are burned.

I watched this year as the flames climbed.  When they reached the dress of the witch, the crowd

cheered.  When they hit her face the crowd cheered again, especially the children.  I couldn't help but feel sadness when I heard the children cheer when her face was burned.  I started to think that we were burning the wrong person and we were out of touch with reality and we should update this outdated tradition.  After all I think we have learned that many witches are very good with using natural healing processes and cultivating bio food, and perhaps also being vegetarians, though I am not sure of that last point, as they might use animals in other harmful methods.  Also because I have read so many Terry Pratchett books, I have come to view witches as good.

I propose we change the witch burning tradition and modernize it.

Pedophile in Big Lebowski film

I propose instead we make an effigy of a child molester, a pedophile and burn them.  For instance the likeness of the convicted killer of Etan Patz, as now his killer has been convicted.  Or maybe we don't even need an effigy.  We can have a real life child molester hooked up to the stack of wood and burn him, as long as it was 100 per cent clear he was a convicted molester.  I think that is something burned that even I could cheer and for sure kids could cheer the burning man too with a clear conscience.

If this would be difficult or objectionable, we could burn a likeness of Adolf Hitler, although perhaps kids wouldn't understand yet, especially the young ones.  Or again, we could find some local Neo Nazi and burn him, unless he promised to convert to the local centrist political party.

The point being that, really folks, some of these traditions have to die and or be modernized and galvanized.  I really have nothing against witches, whereas even in 100 years Adolf Hitler should be recognized as evil incarnate that can be burned in effigy every year.  Or child molesters.

Also maybe some of our children's stories should be changed.  I really don't want to read Brothers Grimm fairy tales to my kids as they are too violent and not understandable to kids these days.  Again, we can emphasize to our kids to stay away from lollipop soda pop giving adults and change the witch in Hansel and Gretal to a pedophile.  Push him in the fire kids and never eat sweet sugary snacks, especially those offered by strange men.

I digress now and branch out on too big a topic.  But I have a year to ponder it and plan.  I think next year at the annual witch burning I am going to sneak a Nazi flag into the witches dress, or else make my own "witch" to be burned that has an oversized groin section with a hairy chest sticking out from his flannel shirt.

Then again, if this is a witch it would be wise  to burn it

At the end of the Witch burning we all roast wursts on sticks over the fire and eat them.
Food for thought.

I have been listening to a lot of new music this week, but,
Today during this writing I was listening to an old band
Band of Susans "Wired for Sound 1986-1993".
One of the members is from my town I grew up in.  Susan.
I saw them in 1993 in my local club.  Great guitar band.

Devil on my Shoulder, Easter Egg in my Tummy

They really do exist.  Really.  Believe it.

All those cartoon shows that had the little devil pop up on the characters shoulder, holding a pitchfork and telling the "hero" not to be a hero and indulge, in fact do the wrong thing, which will be much more pleasant than doing the right thing.  For some reason it is usually a wolf as the bad devil.  But that is beside the point.

The point is, he does exist. I saw him just a week ago from this writing on Easter Sunday.   He really did pop up on my shoulder.  Here is what happened.

We were out at my Mother in Laws little cottage, luckily sans Mother in law, for the Easter weekend, just the Sunday and Monday.  Easter is on Monday here.  Sunday night I was sleeping by myself in a little room.  Everyone else was asleep.  I don't think this has ANYTHING to do with anything, but I had just finished watching one of the all time best movies ever made,  "The Big Lebovski" for the 4th or 5th time in my life.  Nope nothing to do with anything.  Except that I had my late night hankering for some snack.  Preferably Chocolate or potato chips.

I really don't know why my body metabolism is so lopsided, but it is.  I am never hungry in the morning and cant stop eating in the night.  I just like to eat when the day is done and you can relax and, well, eat in peace.  And a dessert is the most necessary part of that eating.  I mean I do have a sweet tooth, but it comes out the most in the late evening after a meal.  I need a dessert. It is like closure to the day.

So what is staring me in the face in my bedroom as a logical conclusion to the days end?  Of course my youngest daughters bag of chocolate Easter eggs wrapped in different colors of tin foil.

Pop!  That little miniature devil dressed up as a wolf with a pitchfork appeared on my shoulder.  Was it my left or right shoulder?  I think it was my left shoulder.

"Eat the chocolate dude.  Just one chocolate.  So what.  She has a whole bag of them.  So what if she misses one.  It is just exactly what you need right now for the end of the day.  Eat one chocolate egg dude.  Mmmm, chocolate.  Just one egg."

It was so wrong.  It was the wrong thing to do.  I knew that.  Way wrong.  Where was the good angel?  I guess my conscience was there and that was good enough to tell me that it was the bad choice and show some restraint. Parents always have to show restraint and patience.  C`mon show your strength and DON'T eat the chocolate and do the right thing!  These small incidents really mean a lot to little kids.  Missing one chocolate egg  DOES make a difference.  They notice it, it hurts them.

I just ask myself even now, maybe even next year, or years in the future, for crying out loud why did I have to pick the most obvious chocolate that she would notice was gone?  Stupid.  I had to have done it on purpose, like I wanted to be found out.  I took the only egg wrapped in green tin foil.  There were so many other eggs wrapped in yellow tin foil, she might not have noticed if I had taken one of those.  But I didn't.  I did the dumb ass, devil thing and took the only chocolate egg wrapped in green tin foil.

I took it out of the bag.  Unwrapped it.  Put the green tin foil wrapper in my pants pocket and ate the whole thing down.    Yes, I have to say, in a matter of fact, intellectual tone that I can hear my Father speaking in,  it was a good egg.


6 o clock in the morning my youngest daughter comes into my room.  Why she came at this time, I have no idea.  But she did.  Could the missing egg have been calling her, like a ghost calls the living from the grave? She noticed the bag of chocolate eggs on the book case and she noticed... the missing green egg.

"Where is the green egg, Daddy?"

"I hid that one.  You will have to find it".

"Did you eat it?"

"No no.  I hid it for Easter. That one.  You have to find it".

And she ran off and woke up her Mother and promptly went into a monologue on how the green egg was missing and how Daddy said it was hidden, but where was it?  Phew.  I got out of that one.

But I didn't.  All morning she asked me where was the green egg.  She couldn't find it.  Where was it?

The devil popped up on my shoulder again - why didn't anyone see him? - and I went to the kitchen and came back to the living room and gave my youngest daughter the chocolate egg wrapped in green tin foil as if I had taken it from its hiding place.  She opened it up and ate it and it was gone.  End of problem.  Um,  No.


Long about 5 in the afternoon, my older daughter came running into the living room where again we had gathered.

"My only chocolate egg in green is missing.  Has anyone seen it?"

If ever there was a case of two wrongs DO NOT make a right, this was it.
Shame, shame on you bad Daddy.