Daddy 90% at home! Laborious tale of my days during the pandemic. (Trite and banal, but SO WHAT)

Wish I could be as great a teacher as this guy
(pic used by authors consent)

Funny thing is, I am working more and longer hours during this pandemic.  Although my kids just laughed at me when I told them that, "hahaha, what are you doing? Writing more emails?", I am usually working 12 hour days.  I am just getting up a bit later in the morning because I go to bed between 1am and 2am.  But the thing is, probably none of it would be considered "on the books" or creating value in this economically monetized system we live in these days.  Everything is measured by how much value it is worth.  (But if it is like that, how much value do all those facebook posts create? )  In other words, I probably won't make a dime on most of the work I am doing.  Hopefully some of it in later times, but a lot of it: nothing. 

So kids, let me tell you that I am working harder spending more time with you!

With the children in school at home, I am spending a couple hours a day being teacher.  I

Doesn't it look like a happy camper beachball?

do math and english with one daugther and sometimes math with the other daughter.  Then for at least two weeks, since my wife still has a paying job and has to concentrate on that, albeit most of the time at home in a separate room, I was doing all the shopping, and lunch and dinner meals.   I tell you, the week after Easter it was a wonder I pulled off enough good meals.  I have to pat myself on the back that I did it.  It meant doing the shopping every day, and getting the timing right.... well, we usually had lunch around 3pm and dinner at 8 pm, so um,  my timing was not exactly on.  

Morning time was always busy.  Ok, like I said, I could get up at 8am or even 9, 9.30 because I didn't have my classes to get to.  I did still have one class on skype with a student.  In any case by 10.15 my younger daughter had scheduled help with me on either math or English.  Then my older daughter perhaps requested my time for help with math at 11.15, though it didn't take long.  I didn't even get in English classes with her because she was trying very very hard to keep up with all they assigned her.  As it was and is, we have to watch over her shoulder and make sure she is sending in the homework.  And when she had a virtual class at 11 or 12, regrettably I had to come in more than once and tell her to pay attention fully to the class and put away her phone (where once she was playing a video game which made me very angry).  So I had to be school monitor too.  

At 12 or 12.30 I had my first chance to check my emails and do some reading on pre open of the stock market.  A little bit of an escapism waste of time on my part, rationalized that I have to keep up on my stocks in this volatile period.  

I hate geometry.  What to do with this?

At 12.30 my younger daughter was done and she either wanted help on TOMORROWS homework or wanted to play a game a bit before lunch.  I should go to the store NOW, but it was still only 12.30 and so I put it off to sit with her with work or play.  

By 1.15 I really needed to get to the store for what I am planning for lunch.  That could take half an hour to pick it up.  But when I got it back, it was a success.  OK, i know, making melted cheese sandwiches in various forms is not the haute cuisine I could cook or aim for, it is rather low class.  Then again, getting your kids to be artistic with simple  rolls (not baguettes) and what food goes well in them, is sort of like making a pizza, which is very creative.  It has much more value than playing a video game, in my humble opinion.  And baking  is fun and easy.  Hopefully my kids got the idea and they will be able to survive in college with their daddy's book "20 ways to make melted cheese sandwiches and never be bored with them".   I, um, haven't actually written the book because as of yet, I only have seven ways, but I am getting closer every week. 

Lunches were relaxed and fun and tasty, but when we finished it was 3pm or after.  Now my daughter got back to work or if she was done with school I hounded her to practice her guitar.  My younger daughter took the dog for a walk.  She was out with the dog till 4.30 or so.  My older daughter was really trying to catch up and stayed in and sat at the table I was at and did more school assignments.  I had to help her with some math homeworks she still had undone.  If they weren't too hard, I could take my second break to work on my stuff and see how the stocks were doing on opening.  I had some real volatile stocks that I  wanted to unload but then use the money to buy some other stuff. A lot was happening so I had to pay attention to that, though I am strictly an amateur on stock picking. In recent years I have been a rather bad one at that.  I think

My stocks

I am getting the hang of and learning the secret of how to destroy wealth.  It isn't as easy as you might think it is. It has taken me several years to see it happen and another several years probably for me to understand why.   That will be my sophomore book published after the grilled cheese sandwich bestseller. Admittedly, a book on how to destroy your wealth might not be a big seller.    

At 4.30 pm my younger daughter was home with the pooch  and she wanted to go out and play catch.  I said yes yes, in ten minutes.  At 5 pm I finished and we got ready to go out.  Masks on.  It is very nice that my older daughter also wanted to join us outside.  She actually picked us over a video game of BRAWL, which by now, I despise (more on that in a later post).  

I have to say it has been one of my greatest successes and pleasures so far this year to start to teach my girls how to play touch American Football.  Excuse me, I have to call it American football as I know I have a lot of European readers who know football as soccer. So my girls, 8 and 11 really got into learning how to play football.  The downfall NEARLY came when they learned that in fact you can have a repeat of the four downs if you make a first down up 10 yards from where you started.  My older daughter was quite disappointed by that.  "But then you can have endless four downs and always make a goal."  She had first liked it and assumed that you only got four downs to make a touchdown.  Then the other person gets four downs to get a touchdown.  We had played it that way on the first day.  But by the second day they had so progressed that I had to clarify and expand the rules.  

Well needless to say, it is schooling in process.  It will take a while yet.  Maybe we' ll get more chances, or in the summer more games.  It was 6.30 at the end of the game and I had to do the shopping for dinner.  You might ask, why didn't I get the dinner stuff at lunch?  Well in fact I did get stuff on Tuesday which I had planned to have in the fridge till Friday, but when it came to the day, I had either changed my plans or something was lacking that I had to run down to the store to get still.  Bad planning, or just inexperience.  It still happens to my wife though.  Also, i can't carry a lot. I am not driving because the grocery store is two blocks down the street.  So, I get what I can carry.  

Since the lunches had been successes, I wasn't as concerned if I failed for supper.  And in fact Wednesday was a real winner with just a simple meal of a really good klobassa with potatoes.  And I actually made the potatoes so they were done at the same time as the meat.  I may have graduated to a higher state of cooking consciouness with this accomplishment. It isn't so simple.  I think destroying wealth is easier to do than getting the potatoes done at the same time as the main meal.   

Even the next night's dinner was a success with a bachelor's version of chicken cordon bleu (just plunk the ham and cheese on top of the breaded chicken).  I think I failed Friday though because they said Mommy would cook that night, but when she came home, she said, "no way" and I had to throw something into the oven but I did it wrong.  I always mess up with pork chops.  

The thing is, I was cooking from 7 and it was done by 8 or 8.30 and then by the time we were done, it was about bed time.  I had to acquiesce and give in for a bit of TV watching because I guess it had been my bad planning and my love to teach them Football, which had thrown us way off schedule.  So they were going to bed by 10 pm or a speck after ... which is a bit later than I would prefer.  But they get up a bit later these days also, so...

I still had to push them, make sure they brushed their teeth and had things ready for tomorrow.  It was after 10 pm  now.  

All in all these are 12 or 13 hour days we are talking about, with a bit of a break for half an hour in the late morning and another in the mid to late afternoon.  12 hours dude, all week.  Why don't you work all week in the office for twelve hours and see if you come home able to stand.  I know, some of you are saying, "but I do", well, but you don't do 12 hours with your kids sonny.  And let me tell you man, THAT is a whole different kettle of kilbasa!   Not to mention that after my kids are in bed, I either will still be walking the dog or looking at emails and trying to do a bit more of my own work which is on half hold, but is also keeping me busy in alternate weeks.   

Anyway. I am not complaining.  I just want to pat myself on the back a little and say, "yeah, you can do it".  And even though many people  won't consider it worthy of payment, unless they have to get a nanny, then they see how much it costs, anybody who spends any amount of time, and probably more time during this pandemic, with their kids will know that it is worth a whole lot more than so many peoples' worthless button punching jobs.  Here, put this casserole in your pipe and smoke THAT!


I wrote this for the first time at the weekend cottage. Saturday night, so I was not listening to anything.  But upon returning and correcting, I listened to a new label I really like.  I will get this single on vinyl.  A real beaut of a deep house ep. 

Sascha Dive: Detroit Sunrise ep

Easter egg hunting which method? A typically banal and trite tale by Max

I have been looking for and then hiding Easter eggs from the Easter Bunny for so many years that if I still had the eggs from my first hunt they would be fossils now.   So I am so shocked as to how this problem never ever came up in all my years of Easter eggs.  Such a big problem that it will cause me to change the methodology of Easter egg hiding in future years to see if something works better. 

I don't know.  Maybe since I was the youngest, my older sisters let me find some eggs even though they found them themselves first. Maybe. I dont know. They never said anything if they did. And as far as I recall we never compared how many eggs we each found and cried if we found less than our siblings. But then again, maybe my selective memory is blocking out problems which did occur when I was young, but I don't remember.  Maybe. 

Let me re create this sad sad tale. 

Last week from this writing was Easter.  As a tradition that stretches back to time immemorial, or at

A picture of me coloring eggs with my dad in the 60s...
wait, that might not be me.. or my father

least the 1960s in my family, the Easter bunny gave me stuff to hide for my daughters.  I think this was the first time we were out at the weekend cottage so I was given chocolates by the Bunny to hide both in the house and outside in the expansive garden.   I have always been the contact for the Bunny and he (or she) just gives me the contents, and it is up to me to hide them.   Me and Easter Bunny have, from prior years, worked out a long contract which I could post here as exhibit A, but um...its not in digital form, so it would be a lot of time to do so. 

At any rate, I hid an even amount of chocolates inside and outside.  I mean the Easter Bunny couldn't hide them overnight outside or they would have been eaten by animals or something.  Just one reason he has me do it.  Anyway, I digress again. 

It was meant and hoped that each girl would  find the same amount of chocolate pieces but somehow it came to be that my younger daughter had 2 more than my older with just one more chocolate to find.  So, a little too soon, I said, "and one more bonus is hidden in the hallway."  They both raced out there and again my younger daughter found that one too (placed in the dogs food bowl... while there was still food in it.  Wasn't that just plain nasty of me?  It was an ugly joke).   And then the mood of my older daughter changed to sulking and anger.  She started to yell at her sister that it was meant for her to find and it was no fair SHE had found it.  Not only that, but the younger sister,  very competitive when it comes to getting chocolate one would gather, was not playing by any "fair" rules and subsequently ALSO found the last chocolate in the other room.   Now my older daughter was just plain depressed with the situation, and furious with her sister.

"No fair.  No fair.  I should have found those last two.  The bonus was for me, AND the last one too.  No fair.  You shouldn't have found those.  They were for me." 

My family pose for the Easter egg hunt.  Oh wait
those aren't my daughters.  Mmm, that's not me either, but it is...
oh, not my wife either.

But her sister didnt pay any attention. 

There were still all the chocolates out in the garden, but to make a longer story shorter, my older daughter was angry and sad and she sulked the rest of the time and didn't care about looking for the chocolates anymore, or so it appeared.  The atmosphere was very damp, the game was not fun and the whole Easter tradition ruined this year.  If Niagara Falls had been near, I would have jumped into the river to go over the Falls.  And for anyone who has stood at the precipice of Niagara Falls before the water drops, on the Canadian Falls side, and has seen the water going over the edge, will know how scary this is.  But I would have jumped, just to end it all. I was just so sad the whole tradition this year had come off like this. 

I tried to surreptitiously help my older daughter find more chocolates outside, but she just sort of moped through it all and that didn't work either.  She was just so angry that her little sister had not played by fair rules of the game. And I had had such great hiding places out in the garden too.  Lost cause. 

What made matters worse was just two days ago, my older daugther had said she couldn't wait for the annual egg/chocolate hunting this year.  She was really looking forward to it.  All gone down the drain.

So, I repeat my question from the beginning: How is it, this problem has never occurred before?  When i was young, I really dont recall any fights or sadness that so and so found many more eggs and so and so didnt find as many.  Or maybe I am not remembering?  Maybe it did happen?  Should I ask my sisters?  I really dont want to. They'll think I am nuts.  Or they won't remember or care. 

And to the best of my knowledge it hasn't happened with my daughters before.  Maybe in all years passed they always found equal amounts?  I doubt it..  How have I overlooked this problem before?
Really you can not imagine the heartbroke I experienced because my older daughter was so devastated with her meager findings at the hands of her sister. 

stock photo fron internet of girls looking
for Easter eggs.  eh.... yawn.

So next year I am going to use methodology hunting instructions B or C.  Either B, they will each have their own chocolates (or whatever) to look for.  Daughter older will look for red and blue and younger daughter yellow and green, or whatever.  The only problem with that I keep thinking is that if one sister finds an egg of the other, they may rehide it where the other sister wont find it, like throw it in the toilet or in the garbage or something.  Then what?  I guess I could say, I dont know where that one is and hide another right away? 

OR method C,  I will have a communal pot and all product either daughter finds will go into one bowl to be divided equally after the show.  I can imagine that they may not like this method and will object because they would rather be competitive with each other and say, "I have four, how many do you have?"  Some of the fun will be taken out of it if they will have to pool the findings.  But I may have to squelch their dissent if they dont like this. 

Any ideas out there?  Any suggestions?  Any stories?  Don't overwhelm the system and all answer at once.  But I would appreciate any comments on what worked best for you if you have experienced this problem, or have in fact not because you had a good system. 

A couple weeks ago when we started lockdown because of covid-19 I first started finally organizing my whole record collection and putting some order to my Techno and House records.  I got the Techno stuff in order, but not the House music yet.  So while I have been writing I have been stopping every 7 minutes to turn over a House single or put a new one on.  Some of this stuff I haven't listened to in fifteen years and have forgotten what it was.  It is a very pleasurable rediscovery.  It feels like (listening for) the first time. 

NRK was a great label for deep house and house.  Miguel Migs "Laptop Excursion" on the "Feel It" single I really love.  Sadly I dont have any Ian Pooley on vinyl, just some on CD. I ll have to listen to the CD ep "The Allnighter"  I have tomorrow.  Really have a taste for that.  He  had the sound nailed.  What is he doing now? Answer: still mixing. The MAN!

Why yell? It does not help at all. It just leaves everyone angry

Even on the fifth floor when the windows were closed I could hear this guy shouting on the street.  What a complete moron.  I looked out the window and see this guy walking back and forth on the corner and yelling into his speaker phone.  A) He was a drug addict waiting for his fix and the fix was late as usual and so the guy was getting the shakes.  Or B) he was a mental case and wasn't really talking to anyone, just shouting.  (I am sure you have heard this at least once where someone is having a heated discussion on their phone but when you listen carefully you realize there is no one on the other end of the phone?)

The guy was a jerk, but really what was he going to accomplish?  His dealer wasn't going to come running over there post haste because the guy was yelling at him.  If anything it would

just slow the dealer down, give him a good laugh that the fix is going crazy.  If the shouter WAS mentally unstable, well then it wasn't meant to accomplish anything besides .... besides, um, give the mental guy some sort of relief? 

Unless you are a very abusive father and back up your yelling with physical abuse so that your children are afraid of you, yelling at your kids is of limited value. 

Take a friend who has a retail shop. The landlord comes to yell at him if the rent is one day late.  What good does it do?  My friend hates his landlord even more and he tries to devise  plans of how to cheat his landlord.  Granted he makes sure his rent is mostly paid on time, or to warn the landlord if it will be late, but if he sees some hole or loop where he can cheat his landlord, he takes it.  He has no respect for the landlord.  The landlord offers him no benefits in return for his early payment.  IF the landlord would lower the rent, my friend would respect him more and feel that he was fair and pay the rent on time, I am sure of that.  OK granted, the landlord doesn't care about charity he just wants to get his money on time as he probably has his own payments to make.  But unless it is backed up with a penalty, the equivalent of abuse, what good does it get the landlord?  What does he care, he doesn't need respect.

Maybe it is a bad example. Most people dont deal with a person when they have to pay something these days.  It is all computer operated and the amount is due and if it is late the computer sends a late notice and or a penalty.  No arguments.  Only hackers can mess with the computer.

But we are dealing with personal contact with kids and parents, not heartless computers.  So the example makes sense. 

Really do you have good standing and do you or your kids feel comfortable around you after you have been yelling at them?  Yes you too.  Do you feel good around YOU after you have been yelling?  It just makes them want to avoid you for however length of time it takes to get back to better atmosphere or the whole thing has been forgotten or sort of brushed under the rug.  How long can that take?  And again, if you are just a bag of yells then your kids will avoid you all the time and then where will your yelling have gotten you?  It could come down to alienation of you from your kids.  I dont know.  Maybe that is what you want.  So you won't have to deal with them anymore.  I could think of better methods, but if this is what your goal is... why did you have kids in the first place? You didn't want them in the first place and now you are trying to get rid of them?  I dont know. This is leading us down a spiraling hole to nowhere.  You just want some peace and quiet?  Do you want peace and quiet in a household with a really bad atmosphere? Or lots of good feeling and good atmosphere?  You have your kids, so maybe wouldn't it be better to find a positive solution of parent and child rather than an aggressive loud mouthed one?  

Take my example of the last few weeks where for some reason I had been yelling at my older daughter more than usual.   It would just get my adrenaline going and when it got going it had trouble stopping.  So you sit there and yell and yell, longer than you meant to or you had words for.   It developed that she would say whenever I came in her room that she was working on it, or that she was finished and she had only now started playing a game, just for a break.  After a week or so, she just started yelling back at me and then we both didn't like each other.  Then you can't even be in the same room, or you avoid each other.  Then what?  It was an impasse.  

I stopped it. I stopped yelling.  Now I just ask her if she needs any help from me if there is something I can help her with or if I can make her a cup of tea. I have heard they have full class skype meetings at least once a day and that has made me happier perhaps that she is actually still being schooled in this difficult time when we all have to be at home.   While it isn't "soothed" over, I think my adrenaline doesn't increase and I stay more relaxed.  Fight or flight among family members is not ideal.   

Next week if I get the chance I will look into why perhaps we do yell and see if there is an answer for it, alternatives to yelling.  

To tell you the truth. I have been home alone this week and working very hard.  I have had to listen to the Gratefull Dead to relax and smile.  I used to own these albums.  

Happy Easter everyone and stay safe and please wear your masks when you go outside or are in contact with people you dont know or aren't sure are safe.  

Walking on a rug of nails. Life during corona virus time.

How can I go wrong with melted cheese sandwiches??  Why should I worry so much?

So last week was the second week of being at home with the kids. You must know the schools are closed and the kids are just given school work to them from an online site.  They have a connection with the teacher sometime once during the day.  My wife is at home too, but she works at her job from home.  My job is on hold, erased for the time being.  So I try to be the caretaker exemplar. 

Man,  I have gone down hill since the kids have gotten older.  I used to be better at it.  Am I out of practice?   What happened?  

To go back further and explain.  I admit, I notice it myself that I am nagging and even yelling at the kids more.  Even before we had to stay at home because of Corona virus.  I started nagging my older daughter.  Now 11, I nag her more about getting her work done first and practicing guitar before she plays video games and watches TV.  That had to be law. That is reasonable and found in many homes I would think.  But, sadly, if the law is rammed down someone's throat, I guess it has less of a chance of being followed.  Or more of a chance of it being broken.  I still want her to have fun and be a kid.  

By the time Corona virus came around and we have been inside every day, I feel it is useless to tell her what to do and what she has to do during the day.  It is either met with "Yeah yeah yeah, I know, I ll get to it."  Or, "I did it already and I only started watching TV (or playing video games) five minutes ago."  

So, a couple days ago, I decided to try to forget it.  I would do stuff for them, and still ask what they had to do and say, I hope you are doing it, but not yell or say anything more.  I dropped the vegetables issue and have reverted to just putting a plate of veggies on the table for meals and if they eat some, great, if not, well they see I eat them all the time and they are there.  A bowl of fruit is always on the table.  But, I am not going to push or yell.  Or at least try hard not to.  

In fact I have turned 180 degrees the other way.  I want to be on their good side and try to be a loved parent, again.  Maybe.  So I try to make everything perfect, even the small things.  Do you like this? Is it ok if I make... for lunch?  Do you mind that?  How do you like that food done?  Maybe I can try making that food again with your help and you can show me how to make it the way you like it and think it should be made.  

Pandering.  
But is that such a bad thing?  
Maybe 
Maybe not

I wont be a slave. I tell them.  Admittedly sometimes I have to be.  I wont let their dishes stay in their room longer than a day. So if they are there a long time,  arggggh, I have to clean them up.  

So, on Thursday I was in charge of making lunch.  And this is how it went.  

"Girls, do you like the melted cheese sandwiches?" 

Have always loved gouda cheese

(Emphatic) "Yes," from my older girl.  
"Whats that?", asked my younger daughter.  
"I only have gouda cheese, is that ok?" I asked.   
"Yes.  Which is gouda?"
"Do you want anything else on the sandwich?  Any ham?  Or paprikas (joke because they hate paprikas) or anything?"
"No!  Just the cheese."
"Well, I will put some extras on mine.  You can try them if you want. They will be ready in 40 minutes. Is that ok?  I ll start them in 10 minutes and then it will be half an hour.  Ok?"  
"Ok, that is fine."  
"Oh, sorry if I forgot to knock on the door this time to your room. I thought I did, but I am sorry if I did not."  

Bake bake bake. 

"Hey girls, letting you know the food will be ready in about 5 to 10 minutes.  Ok?   Maybe finish what you are working on.  Lunchtime soon. Will you be done with your work, can you take a break?"

Seriously, I sound like the hired help don't I?    

"Wash your hands.  Do they look done? Or maybe cook another couple minutes?  Yeah, I think, another two minutes to cook." 

I went away to wash my hands again and when I came back they were sitting at the table. I felt like I had to tiptoe. I felt like I was walking on a bed of nails.  I couldnt walk so hard. I had to be careful or I would hurt somebody or something.  Me.

"OK, which sandwich do you want?  You can have 1.5 of Mommy's leftovers.  Maybe you like them better.  And 1.5 for your sister.  Then which one of these do you want?  ........"

Basically I tried as hard as possible to make my children happy. I tried to do things in a nice way and to keep them comfortable. I didn't want to yell at them for anything. I would accept any criticism they dished out for the food (pun intended).  I was calm, cool and OK with everything.   Treat them like princesses. 

The cheese sandwiches came off fine.  But how can you go wrong with melted cheese sandwiches?   You may ask that.  I asked that, but it can.   Forget the vegetables. I put a plate of lettuce and carrots in the middle but said nothing about having to eat them.  They were there  if they wanted them.  When I was a kid we had to.... No no no, dont start that again.  That sets you in the wrong direction.  Times have changed.  

Its just that the whole ordeal exhausted me.  Have you ever been exhausted by making melted cheese sandwiches?  No of course not.  But the whole situation just got my adrenaline going as if I was in a fight or flight situation.  I could have run away any minute.  Flight was an option.  I was dead tired after lunch.  Let me lie down for a bit.  

Got to listen to Paul Desmond.  He always relaxes me.  

(Disclosure:  I own this CD and listened to the CD itself, not a computer version of it)