Walking on a rug of nails. Life during corona virus time.

How can I go wrong with melted cheese sandwiches??  Why should I worry so much?

So last week was the second week of being at home with the kids. You must know the schools are closed and the kids are just given school work to them from an online site.  They have a connection with the teacher sometime once during the day.  My wife is at home too, but she works at her job from home.  My job is on hold, erased for the time being.  So I try to be the caretaker exemplar. 

Man,  I have gone down hill since the kids have gotten older.  I used to be better at it.  Am I out of practice?   What happened?  

To go back further and explain.  I admit, I notice it myself that I am nagging and even yelling at the kids more.  Even before we had to stay at home because of Corona virus.  I started nagging my older daughter.  Now 11, I nag her more about getting her work done first and practicing guitar before she plays video games and watches TV.  That had to be law. That is reasonable and found in many homes I would think.  But, sadly, if the law is rammed down someone's throat, I guess it has less of a chance of being followed.  Or more of a chance of it being broken.  I still want her to have fun and be a kid.  

By the time Corona virus came around and we have been inside every day, I feel it is useless to tell her what to do and what she has to do during the day.  It is either met with "Yeah yeah yeah, I know, I ll get to it."  Or, "I did it already and I only started watching TV (or playing video games) five minutes ago."  

So, a couple days ago, I decided to try to forget it.  I would do stuff for them, and still ask what they had to do and say, I hope you are doing it, but not yell or say anything more.  I dropped the vegetables issue and have reverted to just putting a plate of veggies on the table for meals and if they eat some, great, if not, well they see I eat them all the time and they are there.  A bowl of fruit is always on the table.  But, I am not going to push or yell.  Or at least try hard not to.  

In fact I have turned 180 degrees the other way.  I want to be on their good side and try to be a loved parent, again.  Maybe.  So I try to make everything perfect, even the small things.  Do you like this? Is it ok if I make... for lunch?  Do you mind that?  How do you like that food done?  Maybe I can try making that food again with your help and you can show me how to make it the way you like it and think it should be made.  

Pandering.  
But is that such a bad thing?  
Maybe 
Maybe not

I wont be a slave. I tell them.  Admittedly sometimes I have to be.  I wont let their dishes stay in their room longer than a day. So if they are there a long time,  arggggh, I have to clean them up.  

So, on Thursday I was in charge of making lunch.  And this is how it went.  

"Girls, do you like the melted cheese sandwiches?" 

Have always loved gouda cheese

(Emphatic) "Yes," from my older girl.  
"Whats that?", asked my younger daughter.  
"I only have gouda cheese, is that ok?" I asked.   
"Yes.  Which is gouda?"
"Do you want anything else on the sandwich?  Any ham?  Or paprikas (joke because they hate paprikas) or anything?"
"No!  Just the cheese."
"Well, I will put some extras on mine.  You can try them if you want. They will be ready in 40 minutes. Is that ok?  I ll start them in 10 minutes and then it will be half an hour.  Ok?"  
"Ok, that is fine."  
"Oh, sorry if I forgot to knock on the door this time to your room. I thought I did, but I am sorry if I did not."  

Bake bake bake. 

"Hey girls, letting you know the food will be ready in about 5 to 10 minutes.  Ok?   Maybe finish what you are working on.  Lunchtime soon. Will you be done with your work, can you take a break?"

Seriously, I sound like the hired help don't I?    

"Wash your hands.  Do they look done? Or maybe cook another couple minutes?  Yeah, I think, another two minutes to cook." 

I went away to wash my hands again and when I came back they were sitting at the table. I felt like I had to tiptoe. I felt like I was walking on a bed of nails.  I couldnt walk so hard. I had to be careful or I would hurt somebody or something.  Me.

"OK, which sandwich do you want?  You can have 1.5 of Mommy's leftovers.  Maybe you like them better.  And 1.5 for your sister.  Then which one of these do you want?  ........"

Basically I tried as hard as possible to make my children happy. I tried to do things in a nice way and to keep them comfortable. I didn't want to yell at them for anything. I would accept any criticism they dished out for the food (pun intended).  I was calm, cool and OK with everything.   Treat them like princesses. 

The cheese sandwiches came off fine.  But how can you go wrong with melted cheese sandwiches?   You may ask that.  I asked that, but it can.   Forget the vegetables. I put a plate of lettuce and carrots in the middle but said nothing about having to eat them.  They were there  if they wanted them.  When I was a kid we had to.... No no no, dont start that again.  That sets you in the wrong direction.  Times have changed.  

Its just that the whole ordeal exhausted me.  Have you ever been exhausted by making melted cheese sandwiches?  No of course not.  But the whole situation just got my adrenaline going as if I was in a fight or flight situation.  I could have run away any minute.  Flight was an option.  I was dead tired after lunch.  Let me lie down for a bit.  

Got to listen to Paul Desmond.  He always relaxes me.  

(Disclosure:  I own this CD and listened to the CD itself, not a computer version of it)