Why yell? It does not help at all. It just leaves everyone angry

Even on the fifth floor when the windows were closed I could hear this guy shouting on the street.  What a complete moron.  I looked out the window and see this guy walking back and forth on the corner and yelling into his speaker phone.  A) He was a drug addict waiting for his fix and the fix was late as usual and so the guy was getting the shakes.  Or B) he was a mental case and wasn't really talking to anyone, just shouting.  (I am sure you have heard this at least once where someone is having a heated discussion on their phone but when you listen carefully you realize there is no one on the other end of the phone?)

The guy was a jerk, but really what was he going to accomplish?  His dealer wasn't going to come running over there post haste because the guy was yelling at him.  If anything it would

just slow the dealer down, give him a good laugh that the fix is going crazy.  If the shouter WAS mentally unstable, well then it wasn't meant to accomplish anything besides .... besides, um, give the mental guy some sort of relief? 

Unless you are a very abusive father and back up your yelling with physical abuse so that your children are afraid of you, yelling at your kids is of limited value. 

Take a friend who has a retail shop. The landlord comes to yell at him if the rent is one day late.  What good does it do?  My friend hates his landlord even more and he tries to devise  plans of how to cheat his landlord.  Granted he makes sure his rent is mostly paid on time, or to warn the landlord if it will be late, but if he sees some hole or loop where he can cheat his landlord, he takes it.  He has no respect for the landlord.  The landlord offers him no benefits in return for his early payment.  IF the landlord would lower the rent, my friend would respect him more and feel that he was fair and pay the rent on time, I am sure of that.  OK granted, the landlord doesn't care about charity he just wants to get his money on time as he probably has his own payments to make.  But unless it is backed up with a penalty, the equivalent of abuse, what good does it get the landlord?  What does he care, he doesn't need respect.

Maybe it is a bad example. Most people dont deal with a person when they have to pay something these days.  It is all computer operated and the amount is due and if it is late the computer sends a late notice and or a penalty.  No arguments.  Only hackers can mess with the computer.

But we are dealing with personal contact with kids and parents, not heartless computers.  So the example makes sense. 

Really do you have good standing and do you or your kids feel comfortable around you after you have been yelling at them?  Yes you too.  Do you feel good around YOU after you have been yelling?  It just makes them want to avoid you for however length of time it takes to get back to better atmosphere or the whole thing has been forgotten or sort of brushed under the rug.  How long can that take?  And again, if you are just a bag of yells then your kids will avoid you all the time and then where will your yelling have gotten you?  It could come down to alienation of you from your kids.  I dont know.  Maybe that is what you want.  So you won't have to deal with them anymore.  I could think of better methods, but if this is what your goal is... why did you have kids in the first place? You didn't want them in the first place and now you are trying to get rid of them?  I dont know. This is leading us down a spiraling hole to nowhere.  You just want some peace and quiet?  Do you want peace and quiet in a household with a really bad atmosphere? Or lots of good feeling and good atmosphere?  You have your kids, so maybe wouldn't it be better to find a positive solution of parent and child rather than an aggressive loud mouthed one?  

Take my example of the last few weeks where for some reason I had been yelling at my older daughter more than usual.   It would just get my adrenaline going and when it got going it had trouble stopping.  So you sit there and yell and yell, longer than you meant to or you had words for.   It developed that she would say whenever I came in her room that she was working on it, or that she was finished and she had only now started playing a game, just for a break.  After a week or so, she just started yelling back at me and then we both didn't like each other.  Then you can't even be in the same room, or you avoid each other.  Then what?  It was an impasse.  

I stopped it. I stopped yelling.  Now I just ask her if she needs any help from me if there is something I can help her with or if I can make her a cup of tea. I have heard they have full class skype meetings at least once a day and that has made me happier perhaps that she is actually still being schooled in this difficult time when we all have to be at home.   While it isn't "soothed" over, I think my adrenaline doesn't increase and I stay more relaxed.  Fight or flight among family members is not ideal.   

Next week if I get the chance I will look into why perhaps we do yell and see if there is an answer for it, alternatives to yelling.  

To tell you the truth. I have been home alone this week and working very hard.  I have had to listen to the Gratefull Dead to relax and smile.  I used to own these albums.  

Happy Easter everyone and stay safe and please wear your masks when you go outside or are in contact with people you dont know or aren't sure are safe.