It s all too much. Cinderella Daddy

 

Sometimes it is difficult being the only male in the household.  I have a short story in my mind which is a take off of Cinderella with her evil step sisters and step mom.  Only I AM Cinderella and my daughters are the evil stepsisters and mom is evil step mom.  

There are several scenes I can write about comparatively close to the original story.  For instance a scene in which I am not allowed to eat any of the pizza because I am too fat and my daughters get to eat it all even though I love a restaurant pizza. I am drooling over the pizza as they eat it.  Then they both take their plates with the last pieces of pizza and their smart phones to their room to eat and watch  TV by themselves, even though I yell at them not to eat pizza in bed.   Not sure how that relates to the original Cinderella.  But, lets get creative. 

And then when I try, uh I mean Daddy Cinderella tries making the girls dinner all they do is criticize it and say Mommy can do it better.  In fact they do eat the dinner but all the while saying it is not good and it was done incorrectly.  The only thing Cinderella can make is lasagna and maybe pancakes and hot wings, so  better stick to those recipes till the end of  life because that is all Cinderella Daddy is

good at for making dinners. And then they say even the lasagna is losing its... magic   They spill two cans of olives on the floor, one black olives and one green olives and Cinderella has to pick them up and put each color olive in its own can. Cinderella Daddy totally misses the dance ball at the palace (played by the rich people down the street who have a townhouse, a cottage and a place they rent in the canary islands and whom our stepmom falls in love with the king of that household). 

In the end one of my stocks on the stock market goes up a lot and I become a millionaire and leave the family to yell at each other while Cinderella runs away with the money to the beaches of Israel.   

I guess it needs work. Not much in common with the original Cinderella. It is still an idea in the bud. 

But sometimes as the "man" of the house in a house of women (even the dog is a girl), there is a lot of insensitivity from the "women" of the house.   Man oh man, even a hardcore feminist would take pity on me with all the shxx that comes my way.  Speaking of feminism, recently my older daughter said, "well Mommy makes more money than you" in a sort of haha little brat way.  And I had to say, well even if that were true, what difference would it make?  Are you a sexist?  Yes, it  can get pretty bleak and shabby in the household when I have to stoop to calling my 12 year old daughter a sexist. But I guess 12 years old, is old enough.  

I am just wondering how much of it is coming from reverse sexism.  Or ... it seems that they think that I am not making very much money on my business.  Which may be true, but I have three jobs and I am making more on another job which I spend less time on.  So, my daughter thinks I am failing at my business and "mommy" is the winner and breadmaker.  Its strange. Its strange. And also she likes to make jokes about me these days because she is really more afraid of her mother yelling at her and she thinks mommy makes more than I do, so she feels it is ok to make fun of me as a sort of "mommy is the winner and I am on the winning side" type deal.  Lots of strange dynamics going on.  And then she is on the edge of being a teen ager so her brain is developing more... I cant even get my head around it.

Suffice to say, that sometimes it just gets poisonous around our house these days and I just shut up and dont say much or just go with the flow.  I see it as a lose lose situation no matter what I say.  It is difficult to teach anything or know what to say in this environment.  Frankly whichever way I turn someone is going to be yelling at me or making fun of me.  And then of course they yell at me for workng late and not helping with dinner.  They wonder why.  

You know feminists, men also have a lot of sh..on their plates to deal with and I have  been a feminist since I was 15.  Well, as one t shirt says, ... no, that is too harsh.  It was a metallica t shirt.  These days there is a lot I have to deal with.  I guess I am not the only one, but it doesnt make it any easier.  Maybe a world best selling book will come out of this ordeal. I guess that would make it worth it.  I ll call it, "Tales of a 45 year old nothing"

I Was listening to this CD before I started writing tonight

Watching TV together

 Before you have kids, or when they are small you have dreams of what you will do together with them as they grow older.  

I have to warn all parents now, especially dads though, that, sometimes dreams remain dreams and they wont be fulfilled.  Dont get upset over it.  Some work out, others will not.  

As silly as this small one is, before my girls were old enough I thought about sitting on the couch with them and watching TV serials or TV shows together.  On a real comfy couch, actually like the one we have now, together. 

When I was under 10 years of age I was envious of a friend whose father sat with him in their living room and watched the Muppet show with him on TV.  They had a huge house but the TV room was nice.  A play room.  The father was very tall and quite hard edged, not soft edged, but still nice.  It was nice the couple times I watched the Muppet show with them together.  

On the other hand, my best friend across the street, who lived in this pictured house, neither of his parents watched TV with us.  His father wasnt home when we used to watch in the afternoon.  Too bad.  In winter after we had come in from the snow, enough of it, but still not dinner time, great serials were on like Giligans Island and re runs of the original Star Trek.  But I guess it didnt matter too much because I just loved watching TV over at his house in their living room.  It was so messy and cozy.  Dark colors for the winter cold and they had two cats which might come over to you and sit on you while you were watching.  Either way if you sat on the couch or just on the floor, it was such a great atmosphere.  

I guess my room wasnt accommodating to being comfortable or cozy.  But my father was not one to cuddle or sit next to me on the bed.  I guess that is why I always recall his watching TV with me as ... as... strange.  Not really bonding, he was just there.  But I guess I didnt mind. I liked watching TV with someone.  The problem was that he would hover in the doorway with his hands behind his back and I might notice that he was there or I might not.  

I guess it was a bit embarrassing when he would watch Friday night comedies
with me.  Monty Python s  Flying Circus and maybe Benny Hill (on Public Television station).  You know because both of those shows, being British, could be more risque than American TV.  Especially Monty Python's  "the dull life of a city stockbroker"  or Benny Hill chasing around women.  Then I felt uncomfortable because maybe it wasnt for me, but I loved it.  But still embarrassing watching it with your father, or rather MY father. 

My father used to watch NHL hockey with me too though.  That was fun.  He was very quiet and didnt make a peep when we were watching Monty Python, except to laugh, but he would always ask me questions about the hockey shows and the players. I guess I wasnt always nice in my answers, or was curt maybe because I was watching the game and didnt want to be bothered with his questions.  I loved hockey on TV and it was on at different days in prime time too so he was still up and would watch it with me.  But again, just standing near the doorway with his arms crossed or behind his back.  Dad, why didnt you come in and sit down and make some noise?  Why wasnt I nicer? But you cant second guess childhood.  

So, I was really looking forward to watching TV with my daughter or daughters when the time came along.  

You can guess I was extremely saddened when I tried to watch TV with my younger daughter recently. First she said, "get out of my bed."  Well, she was watching in her bed on a small telephone or an ipad so I couldnt really stand quietly in the doorway as my father had done.  So I tried to watch from her bed. "Get out of my bed".  

"Well, I want to watch TV with you"

"No, I dont want to"  

Geez, she was just watching "young sheldon"  (the take off side show from Big
Bang Theory in which Sheldon is a small smart boy.  Nothing harmful in the series.  

"No. I want to watch by myself."   

I had to slink off. 

To be fair, she has watched TV with me on the couch a couple times and it is just what I want it to be. A comfy session sitting with my daughter watching TV. No more, no less.  We have watched the Simpsons together.  That was fun, except we were watching on youtube so we could never find full episodes to watch together.  But the Simpsons I think are for both of us our favorites.  I guess that is about it.  I watched Young Sheldon once or twice, but she wasnt watching with me. She was sitting on the couch doing something else.  Maybe we watched a bit of Big Bang Theory together.  But still the best was the Simpsons.  

So, I guess I got in enough moments with her just watching TV that it will carry forward in my memory till my old age and beyond.  And maybe when she is 40 years old she will remember watching a bit of TV with her old man on the couch.  Maybe.  I guess the moments together are the nicest and all I can hope for when they happen and should relish.  I do. 

I am still listening to the Pat Metheny CD I got recently.  (pictured there first on the right) "IMAGINERY DAY"  It did win a grammy in 1999 (though it was released in 1997)

I have to post it again.  Though, not during writing, but during dinner, I was listening to some deep house techno 12" vinyls.  

Roberto Clementi MOC 018