Between a Small Child and a Policeman`s Badge. A Hard Place and a Rock

This happened to me in December before Christmas 

For some reason my daughters really wanted their mother to walk them to school.  My older girl doesnt need a parent with her, but since the older and younger sister go to the same school at the same time, we all can leave and walk together.  

Now, I try to be accustomed to my younger daughter not wanting me to take care of her if Mom is around.  She has been this way since she was two.  If her Mother is there she wants Mommy to do whatever it is.  I get it.  I am starting to think that kids go between liking Mother and Father at different ages or they choose one over the other when they are toddlers.  They may choose the other parent later in life.  So,  I¨m cool with it.  

That¨s a lie of course.  It still hurts to be rejected even like this. 

Especially when I try to be an active Father taking care of the kids, well, at least 40 per cent during the week as the title of my blog implies.  Since the 1960s in the U.S. there has been an evolution of parenting with fathers wanting to do more and spending more time with their kids.  My Father was pretty good about this and did some housework too.  I think he was ahead of his time. But now I am the next generation and we have to move this farther, evolutionize the role of dad as caregiver even more.  

But my littlest daughter wont let me.  If Mommy is around, Mommy is the one. 

Anyway, back to the incident.  

It¨s just a couple blocks to school, takes about 10 minutes to get there.  Well, there were days in December in which my wife just couldn¨t take the kids to school.  But they pushed hard for her to take them.  

Finally a day came when Mommy just couldnt, had to go sooner or later to work, whatever.  Couldnt.  

My older girl got all pouty and said, well she didnt have to go with a parent and she wasnt going to go with me.  She used to like walking to school with me.  I wrote a post about it HERE, now several years back.  But that is OK too, as kids want to be able to do stuff by themselves especially as they get older and older. That is a frequent cause of friction between kids and parents, BUT there is much scientific material which says that kids who act by themselves grow up more secure and independent.  

Fine,  you can go your own way, my daughter.  

But I still legally had to accompany my younger daughter.  She didnt like that at all.  She ran ahead of me.  But even though my legs are getting older, I have longer legs and could keep up with her. She didnt like this and yelled at me, but waited for me at the street corner before crossing.  She was very frustrated that I was staying up with her and walking with her to school.  

It was another day later in the week, maybe even Friday and I had to walk her to school again. She was angry.  Why couldnt Mommy go with her?


This time she got to take the scooter (at the time, we only had one scooter and the girls  would switch off taking it).  So we went out and crossed the first street and she was off.  I ran, but I couldnt keep up with her when she was on the scooter.  Luckily she waited at the next crossing.  But after we crossed she was off.  Faster.  I ran a block then walked.  

It was about two minutes later that I reached her.  She was standing at the corner waiting to cross it looked like.  But there was a big man next to her.  I came up to her and noticed it was a policeman.  

"Is this your daughter sir?", he asked.  

"Well yes, she is.  She got ahead of me on her scooter and I couldnt keep up with her."  

"Didnt look like you were so interested in catching up to her. You were just walking."

"This block, but I had been running before. I have a bad leg, it cramps up easily."

"That may be, but you cant let her get so far ahead of you. She is still, she told me she is 6, she still needs a parent or guardian to be with her outside."  

"Well yes. Not to sound disrespectful, but that is why I am walking here on the street.  Though, as I said, she got way ahead of me on her scooter."

"Yeah, she got too far ahead of you Sir.  You better either get yourself a scooter to stay up with her, or not let her ride the scooter and get so far ahead of you.  I wont write a citation now, but this is my regular walk beat in the morning, if I see her again and you arent in sight... it could be bad for you sir.  Just to warn you.  It could be bad for you as a parent.  You are her parent or guardian?  Do you have an ID, does she?  Can I compare the names?"

Lucklly she had her picture ID in her bag and I always go with my ID in my back pocket.  But I wasnt too pleased with this incident. IF I had been a kid, I would have gone into a tantrum, yelling, "it¨s not fair, I was trying to stay up with her, she was the one who didnt want to walk with me. It¨s not fair."  But, I kept it inside and bit my lip. 

We walked together down the last block to school.

It`s still the first month of the new year and I have taken them at least ten times to school.  There havent been any complaints and I run alongside my younger daughter as she rides her scooter.  They both have scooters now.  I make sure to keep up with her, but she is a bit slower in winter and walks it up the hill to school.

Its a tough call.  Who do you choose when you are between a young headstrong little girl... and a policeman with a badge and the full weight of the law behind him?  


I have been listening to the newest Four Tet album "New Energy".  Its his best album in several albums.  I sell both the double vinyl and CD in my music store Maximum Underground.  Come and visit and perhaps buy if you are in the neighborhood.  



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWInZ4N6C2g

Christmas: Joy or Problematic?

Whew,  glad that that is over.  

I guess I can`t speak for any man but myself, but I have a feeling that I am not the only man around here, in the world, that has problems with Christmas.  

You know, in the true tradition of denying the problem myself and pinning it on someone else, I don't think it is entirely my fault.  It is the fault of my Father. For one reason, I contain his DNA, (I hope), and for the second I watched his reactions all the time I was growing up. I seem to be pretty much in line with how he reacted.  

My Father, not big on emotions, didn't show much of them even during Christmas.  I ll give him the benefit of the doubt and say he was a reserved man, quiet, stoic, thinking about things all the time because he was always writing books, and therefore, his reactions and emotions were low key.  So, not his fault either.  But certainly not mine.

But I didn't want to talk about my Father.  

Aghhhhhhh

Christmas problems start back in September when you think, this year I am going to get gifts early.  Well, December tenth rolls around and you say you still have time to get gifts.  Well, the kids have written their wishes and it is December 20th and you still can make it.  Of course you know what is happening on December 23rd, while you are working and don't have time to do anything.  

Buying the gifts is the first problem.  Do other men have problem with this too?  

I did get some pretty good gifts this year.  Some.  In fact I am proud of the game set I got which is in high demand these days with my kids and we are playing a lot of checkers, and other board games I got.  But usually I have trouble picking out gifts.  That is the second problem.  My wife is easy, she tells me what to get.  But I was also told what to get the kids... and I still messed it up.  

There was a crisis Christmas morning when one child opened up her gift and found Ninja Lego's instead of Lego friends.  My wife took me aside later in the day and seriously if she had had a sharp kitchen knife, I don't think I would be here writing this today.

"I told you exactly what to get.  You wrote it down.  How could you still get it wrong?"
"Our daughter said "ninja" and it stuck in my head and I thought it was Ninja I was supposed to get. I don't know.  I messed it up.  I know.  But it all worked out.  She likes the Ninja Lego's". 

My wife wasn't  convinced, at least that is what the daggers in her eyes said.  Oh boy.  Luckily my daughter was a very good sport and got interested in it anyway and put it together happily. 

Two or three years ago I got a 1000 piece Micky Mouse puzzle for my youngest daughter.  That was a big hit. I have pictures of it here from an old post.  That was a success.  So problem number two, I usually get half or most of the gifts wrong, with one or two good ones that I luck out on.  

Problem number three.  I never feel good about giving the gifts anyway.  Gift giving should be from the heart and joyful.  But when my kids open my gifts I always feel like they weren't good enough.  I feel like saying, "sorry, I didn't get you ten gifts of the same nature."  Or, "I'm sorry I didn't get you a bicycle this year, I really was going to get you a gold plated ten speed BMX mountain bike, but.....I didn't.  Jeez, I know all the gifts I gave you suck."   Is it just me, some weird DNA, that I don't feel good about giving gifts, or is this a standard "man thing"?  

To my credit, I have evolved.  My Father didn't even get gifts to the best of my knowledge.  My Mother always wrote "from Mom and Dad", but besides his money, I am not sure how much of his time he spent looking for gifts or how much of his spirit he spent looking for gifts.  And my older sister the University professor doesn't give gifts and doesn't give a rats a.. that she doesn't.  So,  maybe it is not just me.  

But still this year, my wife told me that our oldest daughter said to her, "most of these gifts are from you not daddy right?"  It is the first year she doesn't believe Santa brought them.  Our youngest daughter still believes and I want to keep it that way until she is 20. Then I can always blame Santa.  But sadly..... 

To be fair again, I did get a number of the gifts for Christmas day.  See, we celebrate both Jesus bringing gifts the evening before, on the 24th, European style, and Santa bringing gifts the next morning on 25th, American style.  I did get most of the gifts for the Santa gift giving.  I did.  But that doesn't help.  

Then the last problem is the joy of the yuletide time of year.  It brings out the happiness in all of us.  Well, at some point it usually brings out the wrath of Satan in one of my relations, which brings out Conan the Barbarian in me.  Usually Satan rears his head at my Mother in laws after Mom in law has offered the relative one more drink of champagne or wine.  This is the cue for Satan to come up from Hell and enter the person and stay there until he is exorcised by the Priest knowledgeable in these matters.  Until that occurs it is pretty much exactly like the movie (uncut directors version) the Exorcist on the way home from Moms  and for the next couple days or weeks whenever we meet. They live nearby.  

I tried to put a stop to Satan occupying a body during Christmas 2016 and said to the relative, "you are drinking ANOTHER beer?".  That worked about as well as extinguishing the fires of hell with a spoon of water.  It backfired.  Well, not the choicest words, or best strategy to put a stop to it, yes yes I know. It seemed reasonable at the time. 

And so friends, lovers and enemies,  I adore summertime.  Summertime is joyous for me.  All of it.  But Christmas is just hideous in many parts.  I know it is wonderful for all businesses and a time of merriment for many, but, no no, I wont give up.  You can`t cancel Christmas just because some men (maybe some women too?), have problems with it.  And another point, I don't want to ignore other religions, maybe you have just as many problems with Hanukkah, the Russian Orthodox or Greek Orthodox Christmas, not to mention Ramadan or Tet Nguyen Dan?  But we can`t cancel the holidays.  I will make a concerted effort to do better next year.  By gum I will.  I will take back Christmas so it is once again a happy, joyous occasion and a celebration.  Remind me about it in September. 

In finishing, I am just wondering... you know that song by the rock band the Police?  Message in a bottle?  Where he sings the last stanza about finding 100 billion bottles  (Man, talk about pollution in our oceans) washed up on the shore, each with an SOS about being alone.  "It seems I m not alone in feeling alone,"  Sting sings.  I wonder if I put the question to all 28 of my readers whether they enjoyed Christmas, if the unifying, resounding answer would be,

NO.

Thanks for reading. 
Happy January 
War is over
Christmas is over

the police message in a bottle lyrics