What are words for?

 

"When no one listens anymore."  

Words from Missing Persons, 1982.  But they aren't true for me because I listen all the time.  I am a good listener.  Most people don't listen, this is true. I can see it on their faces, they are just waiting for the second to jump in and talk about themselves and say something that came to their mind as they heard a few words from you.  From that point, they aren't listening.  

But I have to listen because my brain is wired like that.  I am able to listen to lots

of music. I have to listen, that is why I often cant listen to music when I am writing because I have to listen to the music and I cant pay attention to my writing.  I am hardwired to listen.  I guess really a lot of people's brains arent wired to listen. So they dont know how to listen to music nor do they listen to people when talking.  

What does this have to do with being a father at home?   

The problem is is that often the words are used in a derogatory fashion.  Words are used to build barriers and be divisive.  They arent used to come to an understanding and a conclusion.  They are used to deride.  I hear this.  

Take my subject of music.  When someone doesnt use your word or the accepted word for a group or a noun it usually means they are trying to take over the subject and make it theirs for what they want to do with it, which is usually to put it down.  

Emo used to be a type of music big in the first decade of the 21st century.  Short for emotional music.  That was something good.  BUT, it came to be bad.  All the bands that were emo tried to distance themselves from the style, like "my Chemical Romance" and MSA maybe.  Who knows why it became a bad term. It fell out of fashion.   

Anyway, Now more than once it has happened to me that teen agers call the rock from earlier decades, from the 80s and 90s emo. They call ALL rock emo.  It is a putdown because emo has a bad reputation so they are being derogatory toward the older generations music.  In our terms, it was rock, hardcore, punk, whatever, but not all of it was emo. Not much of it was emo.  But now they say "you listen to emo?" Since emo was made into a derogatory word, they are implying that all that music from earlier decades is also not good, it is emo.  

Its the same thing when Trump steals the agenda and puts a derogatory name on one of his challengers and then that name sticks and the trait of the name is adapted to the person.  "sleepy Joe", "send her to jail Clinton".  The teen agers just like Trump are sticking on a derogatory term to belittle the others.  

Thus words are used to create divisions.  Not as a force of understanding.  I dont like this. 

"Millennials expect life to be easy."—"OK boomer."

BOOMER is the other word. For decades there were the baby boomers.  There was nothing wrong with that term.  It was well recognized as those born between 1945 and 1964  and that big growth spurt when there were A LOT of babies being born, mostly after the war.  It grew out of the term baby boom.  Nothing wrong with that.  And baby boomers knew who they were and had no problem with being a baby boomer.    

But now, the teen agers call anyone "older" a boomer.  Basically 30 and above. I had no connection to the baby boomers and yet to my daughter I am a boomer.  

I dont like that.  Ok, boomer.

Again, it is used in a derogatory manner to put older people down and talk in terms of us and them. Kind of like Jerry Rubins', "dont trust anyone over 30".  Now anyone over 30 is old.  They are boomers.  We are us and they are boomers say the kids.  Dont trust the boomers.  Kill the boomers.  

It all becomes part of the divisions that are taking place in the US and probably all over the world.  

So here, words are used to create an us and them and not for co operation and understanding. 

I find this very bad.  I think Hitler did this with his propaganda machine. Is this what words are for? I always thought language developed from a necessity for people to understand each other better.  Now the opposite is happening.  This isn't what words are for.  

I could only listen to music when I was putting in pictures.  But I rediscovered the REPLACEMENTS.  1984 "LET IT BE"  was a fantastic album.  

Shamed 1 (because there probably is much more to come)

 

They say that new parents have it tough. They dont know how to handle being parents and everything is new and kind of scary.. Phffff, big deal.  The tiny baby is going "goo goo gaa gaa" and at the most spitting at you or throwing up a bit on you. At the worst you lose a little sleep by the baby crying all night long.  Big deal I repeat.  

The modern teen ager has the ability to denounce you, dare you  (make my day parent, go ahead an hit me), make you so small that you might as well disappear.  Its Suicidal tendencies first hit in reverse, in which the child is coming to the parent and saying, "we are worried about you, we think you ought to get yourself committed".  And you STILL have to support them.   (Did you understand this all?)

Back in the day, my day, we would never have shamed my father.  He was a philosopher and intellectual to boot and that just does not work.  But maybe we still did, a bit.  Maybe some behind his back.  I think the only thing we could laugh at was that he didnt know much about modern music nor TV.  But big deal, he didnt know who Mary Tyler Moore was or the Six Million Dollar man or Charlies Angels.  Not much to shame a parent over. 

My cousin started giving me warning signals some years back. He is a bit older than myself and has grown children now.  I think he wrote some stories or did some personal jokes about being the but(t) of some of his childrens jokes and being made to be an embarrassing idiot by them.  Maybe not that harsh, but basically not wanting to be seen with him because he was embarrassing.  

I just still cant quite believe it because in my workplace I see lots of parents who come in with their kids and the parent is in no way ridiculed.  The child and parent are either equal, both looking for some music they dont have in their shared collection, or the parent talks about some great band that the kid should know. 

So, am I the special case, or the norm? 

I listened to hip hop back in the early 90s.  But even that doesnt help with my daughter who is hip hop specialist.  She doesnt know or care who Chuck D and Public Enemy is/were, let alone Boogie Down Productions, Third Base or De La Soul.  Although we can both agree on NWA s Straight outta Compton.  But why should I be trashed by her that I didnt know who Tyler the Creator, King Von, or these lame UK garage hip hop acts were?  I am willing to learn and listen, but even in that acquiesence, I lose my face against her because somehow I am admitting that I am stupid.  Ach du lieber.  

generation gap

Several months ago, I wrote a post in which I claim reverse generation gap and I queried over whether it was possible to NOT have a generation gap.  And.. I dont think it is.  Man, even if you listen to the same style of music, the music of the 90s is 20 years behind her time.  She may listen and like one Bob Marley song, but I have heard every Bob Marley song ..... 10543 times and how can I explain that I dont want to hear any "no women no cry" anymore.  

It just doesnt work.  But it must, I have seen examples of where it has.  Or is it in fact none of these kids want to be seen within 10 yards of their parents (dad) in their home town, but in another visiting town it is ok?   Maybe.  

A week or so ago, my daughter said, " Dad, I am not trying to be mean (that is a scary red flag right there, if you ever hear that from your kids, close your ears and run away), but you ought to buy some of these cook books that mommy has. Get your own.  You know these with simple recipes? "    Was the most biting "you suck dad" comment I have had to come to grips with. As if i was a complete incompetant and couldnt make myself a salad without burning it.  Which just is not true as I have about a ten recipe repertoire now.  But boy was it a stinging barb of a comment.  

This is what your nice little goo goo gaa gaa babies turn into.  So, my new parents when you complain that parenting is scary and the child wakes you up at 2am crying and you dont know what to do... I am telling you, you will have another chicken to roast in 15 years and those problems will cut you down to size to a small peanut.  So take the bit of vomit on your nice clean shirt as a sort of trophy and wear it with happiness, because in the future........ oh.... I shudder to think.  I am warning you now.   

It took me longer to finish this post because I was reading every night till 1.30 or 2am.... Raymond Chandler books