Christmas : I get it. Two sides to the coin.

 It is really a 50 50 coin toss.  I am talking about my teenage daughter.  I mostly stay calm (unless it is a school night and it is after 11pm and she still isnt close to ready for bed. ).  I guess there are two sides to that coin.

On one side,  I dont get angry or am not terribly bothered by her behavior.  Basically she only thinks of herself.  And a lot of that is because of the development of the prefrontal cortex in the forebrain.  It controls your, "planning, prioritizing and  decision making" and is basically the little kid screaming "me me me" until it develops and is able to act rationally and make better decisions. Such as, it is not too good to just live on McDonalds and potato chips. Or, making the decision that you should really get better sleep than between 3.30 am and 1pm every day.  Granted it is Christmas vacation, but we should get back on a schedule that fits what you have to do.  Right now the cortex in the front is going haywire, from what I understand, and there is a lot of irrationality and anger even.  So, I try to stay calm and say, this is not how she will be when she is 23 or 26 years old.  It is the last section of the brain to mature. 

On the opposite side of the coin, it is in fact exactly what a parent should be doing by guiding that irrationality and trying to steer the person back into "safe" waters. In fact the parent has to be the one who says, "well living on potato chips and McDonalds is not really a good thing, even for a week".  We still have to say, "You are acting irrational and I think it would be best if we changed these things so you dont destroy yourself or become sick in some way and even stay healthy."   

N.Wallenda across Niagara

AND you have to do that without upsetting the irrational brain (the teenager) and make them run away screaming "I hate you telling me how and when to do everything.  Clean my room, do my homework, eat fruits, get to sleep on time, nag nag nag".   It is a tightrope wire  to walk.  

I got mad at my daughter before Christmas for something I really really was disgusted about and I yelled, "You go back and take care of it.  You have to know the difference or we have to teach you the difference between right and wrong and this is very wrong, so go back and fix it"  And she yelled at me as if I was the bad one for yelling at her.  But I couldnt take it lightly.  I had to make sure that she knew for sure this was a "wrong".  Also I didnt want people saying, "well it was the parents fault because they didnt teach her the difference between right and wrong". No siree Bob.  For the record, what she did was wrong and I told her so.  And she said, "yeah yeah yeah, I ll take care of it".  I hope she did.  

And another thing. 

When I got a really nice pair of pajamas for Christmas, I really needed them, I said, "thanks a lot GUYS (referring to both my daughters) for giving them to me. I really needed them and they are nice."   And in a minute my younger daughter asked me why I had said "guys" plural.  Oh.  It was just you who got them for me? My 12 year old.  My older daughter didnt get me anything.  She probably didnt get anybody anything.  Her mother gave her an electric guitar, I will give her a legal piercing when she wants it and I got her an MF DOOM LP.  It s not like she got coal in her stocking and her parents are the Grinch who stole (her) Christmas.  Christmas still came and she made out well but didnt contribute much herself, if anything to others.  

I get it though.  I am not upset.  Again, its her "me me me, I am the important one here" cortex brain in the lead thinking about herself and not others.  Sometimes even adults have problems thinking of others over themselves.  It is a tough case.  So she is a teen ager.  I got a nice pair of pajamas, I gave myself two CDs and a new pair of walking boots I needed for any more snow and a box of instant coffeees (from my worker) which I drink every day.  I really dont need much. I have everything and in more than enough amounts.  Its ok.  Seriously for the rest of the year I dont have to get myself anything (maybe one more pair of pants) and I can concentrate on disappearing my debt.   So, its ok daughter. 

Well.... sort of.  Mostly.  

I am a bit hurt to tell you the truth on the other side of the coin.  I mean even my worker got me a ten pack of instant coffee. It was a really nice gesture.  Couldnt my daughter have at least gotten me something small?  A big bag of potato chips or a chocolate bar?  Just some notice that she tried and she thought of me for five minutes and thought, "boy, he might like this."  I know she doesnt have much money (because if she has it she is buying herself McDonalds and potato chips) but I would have settled for a very small token gift even.   One day she could have forgone her potato chips and gotten her old man a small gift for Christmas.  

But I get it .... mostly.  She just isnt thinking of others right at this juncture.  I have to lightly guide her through and make comments and footnotes to her behavior and her lifestyle.  And Christmas is about the spirit and not about the gifts even if our modern world has made the giving of physical gifts the center of Christmas.   Its not.  

So there are two sides to the coin. And while one side may be the better and more rational, understanding and forgiving,  there is also the other side which is more hurt and a bit of pain.  

But, it will be better next year, or the year after that.  I m ok with it.  Mostly.  

Respect and Responsilbility for the new year  2024.  Hopefully more happiness and joy than pain and hurt.   But there will be all of them.   

These moments, few and far between

 It is great to have a teen age daughter when they arent complaining.  A couple moments happen once in a while when you just sit and listen and think, "wow, this is really nice".   I guess maybe it happens more when you get together after they are grown adults and you sit and have a coffee or breakfast with them, but that is after the times are gone. And that is probably once in six months if that.  

When you are all at home living together, there arent actually many moments when your teenagers will be sitting with you and talking to you. Maybe with Dad less.  Maybe with mom more.  I have had a couple when mom isnt at home and is away for the weekend. 

But two weeks ago I was pleasantly surprised when everyone was home and we were finishing dinner and it was just me and my teen age daugther and she suddenly had the urge to talk to me about every kid in her class.  She told me how she relates to every pupil and why they were friends or why they werent friends.  I found that very nice, to say the least. 

"What happened to your really good friend who slept over here a lot last spring?" I asked her.  

"Oh we had a falling out because she really thought I was doing crystal meth which I am not." 

Oh.  Um..... Well anyway it was really nice hearing about every student in her class.  I just sat there and listened quietly.  In fact I felt at peace.  

Its not that we dont have conversations, but in fact it is very difficult sometimes to get a teenager (daugther) to open up for a conversation.   Most of the time, it is more like "fine". "yes" "no, not really".  Or even the total anti conversation maker, "No, I am not going to discuss any of that. I dont want to"    

I guess mostly when I want to have a conversation, she doesnt.  She clams up and takes her meal to her bed or bugs me and looks at her telefon during dinner which is against the law here.  

I guess that is the answer which I have to abide by.  When she wants to have a conversation, she will open up and start talking.  I just have to play by her rules and let her pick her time for a conversation. If I want to talk over dinner, I might often not get it.  It is tough sometimes sitting quietly at dinner.  Dinner was always lively and loud when I was growing up and there was no end of conversation. I miss that.  But its not like I can force it upon them. I have to let them start speaking when they want to.  

(not my daughter)

If I start with a "how was school" and I get an "eh, it was ok" "boring", end of conversation, then that is what I have to accept.  I get it. I dont like the quiet, but thats that.  

To be totally contradictory, in fact as I was writing this post, my daughter came into the kitchen where I am writing. She has covid right now unfortunately, and mostly stays in bed.  But she had to get onto the conversation of some goods we got from a fairplay store or something like a goodwill store maybe.  I cant explain it. Anyway, there were these religious sayings on the goods and it creeped me out a bit. It felt like I let the 7th day adventists into my house to sell me goods and their goods did the talking instead of the people.  My daughter started yelling at me that religious sayings are on lots of stuff and I shouldnt be creeped out.  "Let there be light" is kind of a ubiquitous saying.  Still it made me feel uncomfortable.  And she got on me that i was anti educational.  How that got me tagged as anti educational is beyond me. I told her in half joking half real tone, "please go away". touche.   

i guess I cant always have my cake and eat it too.  These perfect conversations are few and far between.  

I was listening and reading about Husker Du all weekend again. One of my favorite all time bands.  This album first blew me away when I was 15.  Just..... whoa...  My teenage daughter is 15 now. I wonder if she will get blown away by an album this year.  Or something on Spotify,  Yeah right. 

What are words for?

 

"When no one listens anymore."  

Words from Missing Persons, 1982.  But they aren't true for me because I listen all the time.  I am a good listener.  Most people don't listen, this is true. I can see it on their faces, they are just waiting for the second to jump in and talk about themselves and say something that came to their mind as they heard a few words from you.  From that point, they aren't listening.  

But I have to listen because my brain is wired like that.  I am able to listen to lots

of music. I have to listen, that is why I often cant listen to music when I am writing because I have to listen to the music and I cant pay attention to my writing.  I am hardwired to listen.  I guess really a lot of people's brains arent wired to listen. So they dont know how to listen to music nor do they listen to people when talking.  

What does this have to do with being a father at home?   

The problem is is that often the words are used in a derogatory fashion.  Words are used to build barriers and be divisive.  They arent used to come to an understanding and a conclusion.  They are used to deride.  I hear this.  

Take my subject of music.  When someone doesnt use your word or the accepted word for a group or a noun it usually means they are trying to take over the subject and make it theirs for what they want to do with it, which is usually to put it down.  

Emo used to be a type of music big in the first decade of the 21st century.  Short for emotional music.  That was something good.  BUT, it came to be bad.  All the bands that were emo tried to distance themselves from the style, like "my Chemical Romance" and MSA maybe.  Who knows why it became a bad term. It fell out of fashion.   

Anyway, Now more than once it has happened to me that teen agers call the rock from earlier decades, from the 80s and 90s emo. They call ALL rock emo.  It is a putdown because emo has a bad reputation so they are being derogatory toward the older generations music.  In our terms, it was rock, hardcore, punk, whatever, but not all of it was emo. Not much of it was emo.  But now they say "you listen to emo?" Since emo was made into a derogatory word, they are implying that all that music from earlier decades is also not good, it is emo.  

Its the same thing when Trump steals the agenda and puts a derogatory name on one of his challengers and then that name sticks and the trait of the name is adapted to the person.  "sleepy Joe", "send her to jail Clinton".  The teen agers just like Trump are sticking on a derogatory term to belittle the others.  

Thus words are used to create divisions.  Not as a force of understanding.  I dont like this. 

"Millennials expect life to be easy."—"OK boomer."

BOOMER is the other word. For decades there were the baby boomers.  There was nothing wrong with that term.  It was well recognized as those born between 1945 and 1964  and that big growth spurt when there were A LOT of babies being born, mostly after the war.  It grew out of the term baby boom.  Nothing wrong with that.  And baby boomers knew who they were and had no problem with being a baby boomer.    

But now, the teen agers call anyone "older" a boomer.  Basically 30 and above. I had no connection to the baby boomers and yet to my daughter I am a boomer.  

I dont like that.  Ok, boomer.

Again, it is used in a derogatory manner to put older people down and talk in terms of us and them. Kind of like Jerry Rubins', "dont trust anyone over 30".  Now anyone over 30 is old.  They are boomers.  We are us and they are boomers say the kids.  Dont trust the boomers.  Kill the boomers.  

It all becomes part of the divisions that are taking place in the US and probably all over the world.  

So here, words are used to create an us and them and not for co operation and understanding. 

I find this very bad.  I think Hitler did this with his propaganda machine. Is this what words are for? I always thought language developed from a necessity for people to understand each other better.  Now the opposite is happening.  This isn't what words are for.  

I could only listen to music when I was putting in pictures.  But I rediscovered the REPLACEMENTS.  1984 "LET IT BE"  was a fantastic album.  

Shamed 1 (because there probably is much more to come)

 

They say that new parents have it tough. They dont know how to handle being parents and everything is new and kind of scary.. Phffff, big deal.  The tiny baby is going "goo goo gaa gaa" and at the most spitting at you or throwing up a bit on you. At the worst you lose a little sleep by the baby crying all night long.  Big deal I repeat.  

The modern teen ager has the ability to denounce you, dare you  (make my day parent, go ahead an hit me), make you so small that you might as well disappear.  Its Suicidal tendencies first hit in reverse, in which the child is coming to the parent and saying, "we are worried about you, we think you ought to get yourself committed".  And you STILL have to support them.   (Did you understand this all?)

Back in the day, my day, we would never have shamed my father.  He was a philosopher and intellectual to boot and that just does not work.  But maybe we still did, a bit.  Maybe some behind his back.  I think the only thing we could laugh at was that he didnt know much about modern music nor TV.  But big deal, he didnt know who Mary Tyler Moore was or the Six Million Dollar man or Charlies Angels.  Not much to shame a parent over. 

My cousin started giving me warning signals some years back. He is a bit older than myself and has grown children now.  I think he wrote some stories or did some personal jokes about being the but(t) of some of his childrens jokes and being made to be an embarrassing idiot by them.  Maybe not that harsh, but basically not wanting to be seen with him because he was embarrassing.  

I just still cant quite believe it because in my workplace I see lots of parents who come in with their kids and the parent is in no way ridiculed.  The child and parent are either equal, both looking for some music they dont have in their shared collection, or the parent talks about some great band that the kid should know. 

So, am I the special case, or the norm? 

I listened to hip hop back in the early 90s.  But even that doesnt help with my daughter who is hip hop specialist.  She doesnt know or care who Chuck D and Public Enemy is/were, let alone Boogie Down Productions, Third Base or De La Soul.  Although we can both agree on NWA s Straight outta Compton.  But why should I be trashed by her that I didnt know who Tyler the Creator, King Von, or these lame UK garage hip hop acts were?  I am willing to learn and listen, but even in that acquiesence, I lose my face against her because somehow I am admitting that I am stupid.  Ach du lieber.  

generation gap

Several months ago, I wrote a post in which I claim reverse generation gap and I queried over whether it was possible to NOT have a generation gap.  And.. I dont think it is.  Man, even if you listen to the same style of music, the music of the 90s is 20 years behind her time.  She may listen and like one Bob Marley song, but I have heard every Bob Marley song ..... 10543 times and how can I explain that I dont want to hear any "no women no cry" anymore.  

It just doesnt work.  But it must, I have seen examples of where it has.  Or is it in fact none of these kids want to be seen within 10 yards of their parents (dad) in their home town, but in another visiting town it is ok?   Maybe.  

A week or so ago, my daughter said, " Dad, I am not trying to be mean (that is a scary red flag right there, if you ever hear that from your kids, close your ears and run away), but you ought to buy some of these cook books that mommy has. Get your own.  You know these with simple recipes? "    Was the most biting "you suck dad" comment I have had to come to grips with. As if i was a complete incompetant and couldnt make myself a salad without burning it.  Which just is not true as I have about a ten recipe repertoire now.  But boy was it a stinging barb of a comment.  

This is what your nice little goo goo gaa gaa babies turn into.  So, my new parents when you complain that parenting is scary and the child wakes you up at 2am crying and you dont know what to do... I am telling you, you will have another chicken to roast in 15 years and those problems will cut you down to size to a small peanut.  So take the bit of vomit on your nice clean shirt as a sort of trophy and wear it with happiness, because in the future........ oh.... I shudder to think.  I am warning you now.   

It took me longer to finish this post because I was reading every night till 1.30 or 2am.... Raymond Chandler books

Shrinkage as caused by the teen ager

 Now that it is nearly Winter I can stop posting about the summer and talk about current topics. Or maybe this is just a general topic and not really current.  

When we were in a Wal Mart mega store my daughter suddenly made me very afraid. She asked me if I would buy her some sort of lipstick  or some cosmetic.  I dont recall what I said if I had the chance to say anything before she pulled the cosmetic out of her pocket and sort of post threatened me that if I had said no, she would have stolen it.  

Wah..... T.F?   

Now, a) I dont know if she would have actually stolen it, maybe she would have taken it out at some point, as she in fact did, and put it back or had me buy it, or b) maybe she realized that she could still get caught and didnt want that and was going to produce it anyway and not really steal it. 

Still, I got very frightened after that and watched her cautiously in the store especially around the small items things like earrings and those things she likes.  I tried to keep a glance on her at all times.  

Two things about this which dismay me quite a bit.  1. I have a store myself, am a small retailer, and although I dont think many people do or can steal in my shop, it is a concern that I have to have to watch people and make sure there are no five finger discounts.  In fact I am disturbed if anything gets stolen. As happened just like two weeks ago when I realize now that these two guys stole a t shirt. I have to pay for it. Usually the person who makes the least money has to pay for it. Usually the people stealing can afford it, as it happened this time that one guy bought a shirt while the other was stealing. They had money enough.  

But I digress.  Sadly.  2. Being that it seems that teenagers are a big segment of

the shoplifters.  Again sadly I can understand why this is.  Of course I do not condone it.  Of course not.  The problem is, teenagers have to explore and try everything that is dangerous and "against" society and everything that they were told not to do from little kid on.  So, drinking, smoking, doing drugs, and shoplifting.   Also, they have to impress their peers.  The teenager who knows the difference between right and wrong and maintains their integrity in the face of peer pressure.... hats off.  Peer pressure is a terrible thing, especially for teenagers.   And also, related to the first reason, they do it for the kicks.  They dont really need it, they just like the thrill.  "Hey, wow, this cost me nothing".  Great, but someone had to pay for it.  Usually the person making the least money has to pay for it, in a small store, or in a restaurant. If someone runs off without paying for their meal, the waiter/waitress has to pay for it.  

I dont think I am going to change anything by writing anything here, so, I am only noting.  

But 55 per cent of shoplifters started when they were teenagers and one fourth of shoplifters are teenagers.  

The statistic that is bothering is that many shoplifters who start as teenagers continue to be shoplifters into their twenties and dont "grow out of it".   And even more loathsome is that these people have trouble finding and keeping a job.  In fact they can become petty criminals. 

So, if you think your teenager is just going through a phase, remember that NOT ALL teenagers are shoplifters and if you dont do something about it, more than, oh, they will change, then you may be helping your child to in fact NOT grow out of it.  

It is always a tough line to follow.  Because on the one hand, and I am contradicting myself now, I realize, your child will not be the same person at 25 as they were at 15, they will have concluded a really crazy growth spurt time of their life.  On the other hand, bad habits formed early, have to be reversed and re wired in the brain.  The sooner they are rewired, the better. 

Since the summer I have not been out with my teen age daughter, so I cant really say if she has carried through on one more bad habit.  She is going through a period of , to paraphrase Rage against the Machine, "eff you, I wont do what you told me to do" and that could mean that she has tried the five finger discount.  I guess I should be a good parent and put it to her again, its just that I think we have gone through some pretty high voltage nagging sessions of "dont do this" "this is not good" that there is only so much nagging that we can dish out and that she can take, that I think for the time, I may not broach the subject.  Yes, another contradiction of all I have said, I guess. 

And then there are times we parents just have to lay off and hope the kids are doing the right thing.  

A rerelease of Plastikman "sheet one" coming out any day now, made me go back to the CD I have of this and listen to it.  30 years old?  

Mistake : No More. 2 out of 3 bad. O Hare is off my list!

This is NOT that terrible O¨Hare airport

 NO MORE.  

Thats it.  I didnt make a mistake, but it was bad again and I wont give them another chance.  Strike Three.  No benefit of the doubt.  

I AM NEVER GOING THROUGH O HARE AIRPORT IN CHICAGO AGAIN.  NEVER. Unless the price is super super good. And even then I will think twice.  

I have been through many airports in Europe and you get them pinned down. This one is good, this one is good some of the time, this one (Heathrow in London) I will never go through again.  

And then you have a limited amount of ways to get to your destination in the US. Philadelphia, Minniapolis, Detroit, Chicago.  

This is the Boardman river NOT Chicago

Now, Chicago is strictly stricken from the list.  It just is a bad airport.  You know, bigger is not better.  Bigger is just more chaotic and more time consuming.  

Let me intervene and tell you how this connects with my general topic of dad 40 per cent at home.  

See, you have kids you are taking along.  It is more difficult if they are younger, but still even when they are teenagers you have to calculate time differently. If you have an airport which cant get your documents correct any time and it takes 20 minutes at the checkout counter, you get more stressed out (that always was happening to me at my first stop leaving vacation, what could I do?) If the terminals are far from one another, it is fast walking and more stress to stay together. How long a wait can you or they stand as a lay over.  These and several other questions will decide which airport you go through if you have several choices.  Please make no mistake, choosing the best airport... well is the best. 

Bigger is not better. If you have a big airport, people are coming in from all over

This is my friends former house Not OHare

the world and they are all funneled into ONE customs area, coming into the US or leaving for overseas.  One area.  You want to know how long that line can be? 

I suffer from anxiety, so the more barriers they throw at you at an airport, the more you freak out and dont want to use them as much.  

But who would think that after my last glowing report on O Hare in Chicago, they would totally get it wrong again and totally piss me off and stress me out so my daugthers were saying, "its all right dad, we ll still make it, we will get through"

It started off at the customs again.  How long have they existed and they still dont seem to have it correct?  Man, you would think we were in Tel Aviv or some place with danger and they have to  do a thorough border control.  But the main thing is, they have a line that can stretch and wind for a kilometer or more.  If you are making a connection and have to go through customs, you need more than an hour layover to get through customs.  And that is pushing it.  Two hours. 

Our Lake NOT a customs line in O Hare

Granted the line did move along, not as well as when I wrote my entrance to O Hare a couple weeks ago, but it wasnt NOT moving, that would be Tel Aviv.  And they dont really care when or where your flight is.  They are not going to hurry up "for you".   That is not their concern at all.  Still, I dont know why they have to make a big fuss and time consumption for people GOING out of the US.  Yeah, yeah, move along, you want to leave, no problem by us, fine, have a nice travel, go go go.  But no, it is as fast coming into the country as leaving.  Mmmm, a little faster leaving. 

But really got my goat was the control for getting on the plane.  Yes I know that the limit for water goods is 100 mililiters.  No liquids.  But sauces??  IN a can which cant be opened unless you have a can opener? A sealed tin can?  What can I do with that?  Really, couldnt they just have inspected it and seen that it was totally sealed?  I am going to threaten the plane captain with a can of instant food?  "Take me to Cuba or I will open this can of spaghettios, oh do you have a can opener so i can do that, and make a bomb and blow up the plane".  I was so angry because it was a present for my daughter on her birthday in September and they were taking away a sealed tin can.  Someone please give me a rational explanation for them taking away my sealed can of Spaghettios.  Yes, they inspected it, they could see it was sealed.  Did the man who supposedly made a bomb in the UK use liquids from what?  Cosmetics or chemicals, but spaghettios?  I can make a bomb from the liquid in spaghettios?   

I am not sure if that had anything to do with O Hare, but yes it did, because it is

Busted. They took my spaghettios I was going to hijack the plane with

a big airport and they probably dont make a good paycheck, not that it is O Hare who is paying them, but its a big airport and lots of people yelling at them.  If they can get back occasionally at some poor weak slob like me, it makes their day. I guess.  Well, ok, but he ruined mine and O Hare lost several customers because no one in my family is ever going through O Hare ever again. Even my kids hate the airport. (Dad, why did you book us through O Hare, you know it is terrible).   

I still want to contact them and ask them about this rule, and I will get the last laugh, because I am never going that way again.  And since American Airlines goes through Chicago and not Detroit, that means I wont be booking with American Airlines anymore.  

And lastly, I recommend to all my wonderful readers out there, all ten of you (plus 1000 Singaporeans of late) DO NOT go through O Hare.  Parents travelling with kids coming into the US or out of the US..... DO NOT.  You want to put up with your kids getting antsy in line waiting waiting waiting. And I dont blame them if they do, even I got really antsy.  And then they start complaining and crying.  O Hare is not parent or kid friendly.  NO place to sit while at customs.  No fast line for families with small children.  No empathy or sympathy.  Two hour layover is necessary just to get through customs.  OHare, you suck.  

For once and all O HARE is one if not THE worst airport I have been in and that is with about twenty airports experience.  Thumbs down, stay away, find another way. As Grandmaster Flash says, d-d-d dont do it.  O Hare in Chicago is 

THE END.  

I listened to Dylan's "New Morning"  LP especially "Day of the Locusts" which is about how O Hare airport sucks.  Well, in a way yes.  

Summer Trips 2023 II

 

When it looked like it was going to be a problem with timing and doing a long road trip to "the bridge" (mysterious music), I hunted around for a nicer, closer outing where we could go. 

It is easier to make a sightseeing trip in Europe. Every little hamlet, village and town has some plaque or museum or historical marking that you can go anywhere for a small outing to see and learn and be productive.  the US and A...?  That said, there are quite a few in Northern Michigan its just that most of them are more like 2-3 hours of driving away. But if you only need a nice walk in the forests with some history attached, then there are many if you do a little research.  That is why it was nice to find the HARTWICK PINES STATE PARK with BOTH nice woods walking and historical content.  

The sad reality of northern Michigan is that its history and nature were nearly wiped out of existence in the late 19th century by logging.  Hartwick Pines State park is interesting because it has some of the only "old growth" trees left in the entire State.  There is another place in southern Michigan too, but that is about it in the lower peninsula.  In Hartwick there is a nice small walk among the huge old growth pines.  These are trees which have existed since BEFORE the revolutionary war.  "Stretching skyward for 120 feet and more, the giant pines are the only remnants of what Michigan looked like before the arrival of men with axes."

There are historical buildings in the park showing how the loggers lived and there are nice walks of varying lengths in the woods.  We took a nice walk in the forest beyond the old growth path. The only thing was it was a very hot and humid day and this prompted no small amount of complaining from my daughters.  I always try to make the best of a situation and enjoyed the nature and ignored the heat, but maybe that comes with age and kids ,especially teenagers, whine about anything bad, moreso if it is organized by a parent.  

The nature was nice and the old growth impressive.  I was however saddened by the historical element.  I guess you have to put things in context.  Most people back then (second half of the 19th century) lived in standards way below what we have now of course, but it seemed both very sad the way the loggers lived at their jobs they worked at.  While I can not sit in their stools and watch with their eyes, it seemed like they were small cogs in the machine which was very oppressive in those days.  They worked hard and gained little and helped destroy the natural order of life with no plan of sustainability or regrowth.  Just cut and ship, move on to the next forest.  Something like the Lorax by Dr. Seuss which is kind of how it ended up.  

I have learned that many of those trees helped to rebuild Chicago after the great Chicago fire.  Others built up the prairie land and North and South Dakota for settlers.  Judge the history as you want, good and bad.

I dont think my kids gained this impression. They were just concerned with getting the walk done and getting to an air conditioned car.  Paradoxically a couple hours later we had a huge 10 minute downpour which knocked branches down and even rolled a truck off the street we were driving on into the gutter and woods.  

In retrospect I think about that day and outing quite a lot and am proud of myself for organizing an educational outing and nice nature walk for my kids. And then we had a nice lunch planned afterwards. At the time I was thinking it was a disaster.  Even the planned lunch we had in a restaurant we had gotten food from 2 years ago during the covid summer didnt turn out well. The chicken wings were small, the dumplings were not "Japanese" as my daughter thought they would be and my daughter did not like sitting in this establishment with these people.  She would rather have taken out. Thus she was complaining about that too.  It all made me wonder why I should try?   

We havent seen my mother, their grandmother, since 2019.  After that year of course was covid in 2021 and 2020.  And in 2022 we just didnt make the visit.  Now we did.  But, the problem is, and this is the problem with all my outings and journeys, is I got travel anxiety.  This was a big outing with a plane down south. I had to book the plane AND the shuttle from the airport to the house of my mother. 

This doesnt have much to do with being a father, it has more to do with phobias I
have which further cramps my father abilities.  Booking a plane and stuff having to do with a journey takes me several hours.  Not only the looking and comparing prices but the wondering and pausing.  Sometimes I wonder if it is just easier to forget it.  And when the trip seems to be a disaster at the time (like the Hartwick Pines visit) you procrastinate more.  

Needless to say I did it all.  I booked everthing. We made the trip. We saw my Mother once again which was very nice for all.  It was a short visit, but it was severely hot where we were with her and really all we could do was stay inside and be with my Mother, which was kind of the point.  I miss my mother the way she used to be and it scares me a little the coming of time, the time passing and things aint the way they used to be.  I guess my Mother is golden in that way that she is able to live in the present and enjoy each day on its own merit and not compared with the past and "what it used to be".  She is happy with each day.  I guess I dont take after her in that respect.  

But I digress to some unknown point. 

I was just happy that the trips were accomplished.  Because it doesnt seem like the more you do, the easier it becomes.  It seems like a tough fight to rewire your brain and abilities to be able to do each one.  Is it possible to rewire the brain on this aspect? 

I think when we got back from visiting mother (grandmother) we only had one more week vacation, so my anxiety started again. 

I am trying to come to some big moral or sumptuous ending to this post, but nothing comes to mind.  Cant we accept people for their different abilities and their strengths and weaknesses?  My strength is someone elses weak point and vice versa. It is a lesson in Ricardos comparative advantages theory.  (Need you ask?).  In the meanwhile I have to work on my weaknesses, this is true. 

In the end, I organized some outings and despite whether I thought they were good or bad, they happened with some relative success. Some were better than others, but they all came off.  Maybe next year we can make it to the bridge.  

Summer Trips 2023 I

This vs

This will probably be a boring post and very banal.  I dont care. All along I tell people this is just my personal journal of being a father as my kids grow up, made public.  If you come and read it, great, thanks. I appreciate it. If no one does, fine also.  Everybody thinks and often attacks a banal life as bondage and or boring. I dont. I think it is natural. And boring is a matter of perspective. I could never ever be bored in my life. Anyway... here we are: 

This

As I said in my last post, I dont like to go on so many trips.  My wife does that. I get to a place and thats it.  Stay there, take it easy, sleep late and read a book on the dock. Jesus, I got a beautiful lake in front of my nose, I go swimming right here. Everybody comes here, why should I go someplace else when I am here?   BUT, with such a long vacation you HAVE to do some trips.  

"Trips" is the wrong word.  Moving or driving is more like it.  Hey when you live in the woods and are ten miles away from any town, any outing is a small trip.  

Some of our past small trips cant happen anymore because I guess sorry to say my daughters have grown out of them.  I dont see why they have to be too old for the splash pad, but well, we dont go there I guess because the laundromat is closed over there now.  The splash pad in Kingsley is great. I wrote about that one once. 

We made two drivings on Sundays to see the "Barbenheimer" movies.  We made drivings to buy clothes a couple times. Yup, that is considered an "outing", our moving and doing something for some day.  For some reason my older daughter wanted to go to Target and Walmart to see the great American buying malls.  We went to both.  

Doing the grocery shopping is a great small outing. When you live in the city you can walk to the grocery any and every day to get whatever you lack.  But when you live in the woods with a "longish" drive to town, you get everything in one or two shoppings a week.  Its like commando patrol this year.  One girl goes over to aisle 4 to get the juices and milk and one girl goes to aisle 2 to get the canned goods and cookies.  I stay in aisle one to get fruits and vegetables.  For some reason grocery shopping is much more fun in the summer doing these big shoppings and getting lots of food.  I do have a budget, but I think we went over the budget this year on food.  It was usually about 20 bucks more or so over from what I estimated before going.  Rats.  

A nice regular outing we do several times in the summer is to the local branch of the public library.  I think I have mentioned this spot before in other summers. I cannot deny its importance and fun.  

As soon as we can when we get to our vacation spot we go to the library for books.  Each of us takes out at least 7 books for trying or a bunch in a series we hope we will get to reading.  We go to the library for books at least once a week and it is great that even on this out of the way corner of the state they can get so many books through loan from other libraries.  I think the library has been an important pillar all my summers from when I was a small tot to this summer. And it has been for my daughters too, although this summer I was quite dismayed that my older daughter did more "work" on tik tok and social sites than reading.  If this is a trend among young people, a switch from reading books, to just mindlessly reading social sites and looking at tik tok..... we will be in a very dark period for kids very soon, with no creativity and brain ability lessened from the lack of reading. Tell me it aint so. 

In addition to getting books from the library, the local branch organizes many arts and crafts days too. Every year in the summer.  We never fail to go to the rock painting day and in a past year that produced an incredible painting on a rock from my older daughter. Sadly this year she didnt like her painting (of a Hello Kitty take off) and erased the cat prompting both me and the librarian organizer to exclaim, "Noooooo".  

We also did tie dyeing and my t shirt came out quite well. I have never done that before and it is a shame as it is quite easy. I guess to make the really impressive designs you have to be doing it for some time. But none is a loser.   

These were all great little outings which gets us doing something during the day if we dont have a reading day, which was impossible this year as my older daughter would just look at her telephone all day.  Getting out for a little trip got her off her phone even if it was just to do grocery shopping.  

I understand that you might be confused thinking that these are not "trips" in the usual sense of going on an outing, but yes and no, yes they are.  When you add up all these little trips and that we have to plan them and the clothes trips can take three to four hours, it is the same as a sightseeing trip which will take that long too.  Granted they are not really educational (well the library trips are) they are more functional.  But when you finish dinner in the night and ask each other "what are we going to do tomorrow" and I say or my daughter says " we need to do clothes shopping" well then that is the plan for tomorrow and what will take up a big planned chunk of the day. Or we might plan to get subs for lunch and that will involve a walk along the river too which is a nice planned outing.   We have to put it in the schedule just like a sightseeing trip. I think even my wife will stay home some weekends when she has to buy clothes or visit her Mothers or go to Ikea.  It is the planned weekend "trip" just like an educational sightseeing trip, but again, it is functional not so much the educational.    But let me get to the sightseeing trip(s) now in part two.  

I have said, I prefer to listen to music without singers, but it doesnt have to be electronic music.  The Avengers VI "real cool hits"  really real surf music, for instance is a classic which i listened to this time while writing. Its on Sympathy for the Record Industry (SFRI) records.  

 

Big Fat Lazy Summer (2023)

 Every summer is different.  What can I say?   Two summers ago we played Monopoly constantly in the summer.  When one game finished, we started a new one.  This summer we played one game of Monopoly

 I dont know, maybe it is taste, maybe it is age.  

Last summer I recall my daughters were sleeping till around 10 or 10.30 and I must have been rowing from 10 or so because they would be asleep when I left, but awake when I got back.  

This summer was different again.  

It had been my plan to go rowing and come back and eat breakfast and we would

have an outing from around 11am till 4 in the afternoon or something.  Maybe eat lunch out.  Well, you know what they say about plans:  Man plans, God laughs... is that how it goes? 

The thing is, my daughters were sleeping till at least noon, sometimes more, till 1pm.  Now how did that happen?  And am I a bad father for letting that happen? 

Two things.  1. I think sleep is a good thing especially for teen agers.  They also say that TOO MUCH sleep is not good for you, but I would rather err with too much sleep rather than too little sleep.  And what is too much sleep?  More than ten hours?  I dont know.  You remember that experiment where the men lived in the caves with no light and their bodys naturally slept for twelve hours? So they figured that at some point in our history, pre pre pre pre industrialization, the circadian sleep rhythms of humans was twelve hours.  So, More than twelve hours is too much.  But actually i have heard that more than ten hours is too much. They were getting 10 to 12 hours of sleep.  I was hoping their brains were growing growing growing in that time, as the brain is usually growing the most during sleep in teen agers.  You can correct me if I am way wrong.. 

2.  Its the summer.  So what if they sleep till noon or 1pm.  I mean they are missing a nice part of the day in the morning, but we arent really morning people, although that  can change. Essentially, they were going to bed around 1am and sleeping 11 hours or so.  Big deal.  If they werent allowed to get a good good sleep in the summer, when can they?  Teenagers need sleep.  Summer and sleep can go together. 

I must say that it crimped my plans of making road trips of any size besides to the grocery store or the library or small outings.  Even a movie on Sunday at 3pm had to be planned well.  But again, I say, let them eat cake, I mean let them sleep.  I am not a military type guy, rise and shine at 5am.  And, as I said, summer is summer. Summer is the time to do it the way we want to. 

My wife is the planner and "lets get up and go on the outing".  I am sort of the opposite, although I do appreciate the sightseeing and when something is organized, I wont shy from it.  But, I figure my wife will take them on some trips. We are here, and this is the sort of laid back, take it easy, do our traditions, part of the summer.  

So.... they were sleeping till noon.  We always had a good time in the evening, watching our TV, sometimes going down to the dock to watch the stars.  One daughter and I watched the meteor shower in mid August and saw 5 meteors fly across the sky.  In the darkness, the really big fish come out and jump up to catch a fly and you hear big splashes once in a while on the lake.  But the night star sky is amazing in the woods with so many stars. And ever since watching the original Star Trek series again, I have a renewed respect for the Milky Way galaxy and all that is out there, just in our galaxy.  When I look up at the night sky, I can think of it as "our" galaxy that we have to find out about. 

But back to the sleeping. So, it was rather a downtempo summer with not a lot happening, but I was not dejected.  We still did a lot.  Thanks to all who helped, including our trip to my mother who we havent seen since 2019 (largely because of covid), our trip to the state park, and of course the local branch of our public library who every year put on summer activities several times a week including rock painting and this year tie dyeing.  

 Really, the loss of the morning hours, well who knows what we would have been doing if we hadnt been sleeping? Probably just the same things as we did in the evening, besides watching the night sky. My friend at another cottage got up at 8am or earlier and he would mess around on his computer and then take a nap sometime in the day, even later in the morning. So what is the difference? I let them sleep. Leave me a note if you think I did it wrong.  

It is the beginning of the school year now.  I write this on Sunday, the last night before school starts tomorrow, on Sept 4, but I still have a couple stories from the summer I have in the pipeline. So, i hope you wont be too upset if I continue with the great summer topic where also I shine as a father (well... relatively speaking, at least a glimmer).  Next post will probably be on summer trips.  

Household name in the UK, grand composer of ambient techno.  Rerelease of the album "PINK".   Fourtet.