These moments, few and far between

 It is great to have a teen age daughter when they arent complaining.  A couple moments happen once in a while when you just sit and listen and think, "wow, this is really nice".   I guess maybe it happens more when you get together after they are grown adults and you sit and have a coffee or breakfast with them, but that is after the times are gone. And that is probably once in six months if that.  

When you are all at home living together, there arent actually many moments when your teenagers will be sitting with you and talking to you. Maybe with Dad less.  Maybe with mom more.  I have had a couple when mom isnt at home and is away for the weekend. 

But two weeks ago I was pleasantly surprised when everyone was home and we were finishing dinner and it was just me and my teen age daugther and she suddenly had the urge to talk to me about every kid in her class.  She told me how she relates to every pupil and why they were friends or why they werent friends.  I found that very nice, to say the least. 

"What happened to your really good friend who slept over here a lot last spring?" I asked her.  

"Oh we had a falling out because she really thought I was doing crystal meth which I am not." 

Oh.  Um..... Well anyway it was really nice hearing about every student in her class.  I just sat there and listened quietly.  In fact I felt at peace.  

Its not that we dont have conversations, but in fact it is very difficult sometimes to get a teenager (daugther) to open up for a conversation.   Most of the time, it is more like "fine". "yes" "no, not really".  Or even the total anti conversation maker, "No, I am not going to discuss any of that. I dont want to"    

I guess mostly when I want to have a conversation, she doesnt.  She clams up and takes her meal to her bed or bugs me and looks at her telefon during dinner which is against the law here.  

I guess that is the answer which I have to abide by.  When she wants to have a conversation, she will open up and start talking.  I just have to play by her rules and let her pick her time for a conversation. If I want to talk over dinner, I might often not get it.  It is tough sometimes sitting quietly at dinner.  Dinner was always lively and loud when I was growing up and there was no end of conversation. I miss that.  But its not like I can force it upon them. I have to let them start speaking when they want to.  

(not my daughter)

If I start with a "how was school" and I get an "eh, it was ok" "boring", end of conversation, then that is what I have to accept.  I get it. I dont like the quiet, but thats that.  

To be totally contradictory, in fact as I was writing this post, my daughter came into the kitchen where I am writing. She has covid right now unfortunately, and mostly stays in bed.  But she had to get onto the conversation of some goods we got from a fairplay store or something like a goodwill store maybe.  I cant explain it. Anyway, there were these religious sayings on the goods and it creeped me out a bit. It felt like I let the 7th day adventists into my house to sell me goods and their goods did the talking instead of the people.  My daughter started yelling at me that religious sayings are on lots of stuff and I shouldnt be creeped out.  "Let there be light" is kind of a ubiquitous saying.  Still it made me feel uncomfortable.  And she got on me that i was anti educational.  How that got me tagged as anti educational is beyond me. I told her in half joking half real tone, "please go away". touche.   

i guess I cant always have my cake and eat it too.  These perfect conversations are few and far between.  

I was listening and reading about Husker Du all weekend again. One of my favorite all time bands.  This album first blew me away when I was 15.  Just..... whoa...  My teenage daughter is 15 now. I wonder if she will get blown away by an album this year.  Or something on Spotify,  Yeah right.