Summertime no blues part 6 : Dad as mediator. Dont let your summer slip behind you

 

I think every family with more than one child, has to have someone playing the role of mediator.  There will always be the problem of friends of siblings causing jealousy or anger in the siblings.  That is, if there is a friend for one daughter, but not a friend for the other daughter, it can be a problem.  As the parent, you cant take sides.  But you can give some support to the daughter with no friend.  

My older daughter has had a friend here on vacation since she was 1 year old.  For the last couple of years, before covid and now after the friend has been vacationing up here again.   The two girls get together for the short time they have.  Often it was just a day or two.     

Let me explain. My very good friend now comes back up here to vacation.  We grew up here together.  Both our parents, or his grandparents were friends and our cottages were two houses apart.  For several years though he stopped coming up as his grandmother sold her cottage.  Then my mother sold our cottage in 2018- But I started coming up to the rental cottage very nearby.  Now since 2021 he has been coming up and renting the same cottages with his daughter.  His daughter is friends with my older daughter.  We have a third generation of friends.

My friend s daughter is a bit older and my younger daughter doesnt have a friend.  Last year in 2021 she was angrier and I had to tear them apart more.  For some reason she felt like she had to revenge herself for something that happened in 2019.  My younger daughter was angrier.   

This year, she seems better.  I was actually dreading the week when the two friends would get together. It was going to be a full week of "togetherness" But in fact, it wasnt so bad.  I did play more catch football with my younger daughter.  And when it was evening anyway we settled into a great little TV watching time.  So, it was a nice evening, friend or no friend.  

We had some outings together.  We went to the sand dunes this year.  I drove.  It worked out well, until we were going to the beach to swim.  Then we couldnt find a good space on the beach and people were getting angry.  So, we just drove back to the cottage and swam there.  

We had a nice pizza party one night with smores.  And a hot dog, wurst roasting night, with smores.   

I cant rightly put my finger on what happened except that my younger daughter sort of "got over it" and accepted her position and exorcised her demon against the older friend.  She was fine with the situation, but I am not sure that i had anything to do with it.  Besides that i tried to give her a bit more attention.  I lucked out.  My daughters are in a serious fighting mode at their ages right now, but somehow this wasnt the problem.  

My older daughter told me when vacation finished, "dad, dont let me stay inside next year.  Push me out and into the sun.. " or something to that effect.  She said this when vacation was finished.  She realized that she had had limited time and she shouldnt have squandered it .   Too late.  

Sometime in the last week I had to push her and yell at her to get outside.  Dont stay inside to sleep in the summer.  She didnt have her telephone, I was mostly taking it away from her, but still she was settling into a sort of lazier, oh i dont want to go outside, mode.  She regretted it later.   Too late.  

When you are in the thick of summer it seems you have enough time.  Then when it s over, you realize, you didnt take advantage of the beautiful time you had... enough.  Too late.  

Dont let the summer(s) slip behind you.  Take advantage of them and do good, nice things .   Summers are special.   Push your kids to get outside and do everything outside.  The play stations and on line games on the telephones and ipads have to stop.   Especially if you have an outdoor swimming pool or lake or river... dont let the time disappear with their eyes glued to a stupid screen watching ticks and tocks.  

I had a great summer.  I hope you did. I hope your kids did.