My wife says Im acting like a rock star. Its a little ego booster. Or rather a decent sized ego booster.
I love reading books to my kids before bedtime. I look forward to it. Goodnight Moon, to Dr. Seuss, I was just going to move to more advanced books. Its just that I got pushed out of my position. What can I do? If the kids ask for a book from Mommy, I cant fight it, the law has been set down. But for several months now, after the lights go out then its Daddy s turn. "Daddy, daddy", they call. Im just finishing reading an article in a financial magazine and have to finish. "You really are a rock star taking your time to get over there. Set that down, and go. They re calling you," scolds my wife.
My oldest daughter asks for a story, my younger daughter asks me to hold her hand. I may be a rock star, but I really have the hard part. I have exactly sixty seconds to think up a story from the title my daughter gives me. "I want `Popeye and the door` or I want `Popeye and the window`. For crying out, cant she pick something easier, like Popeye and the lion or Popeye and Bluto or Popeye and the dragon`. I could do those. She loves the Popeye cartoons at this time. Actually they arent really her favorites, but I ve been making up my own Popeye stories and she likes them. But she has the worst ideas. Tonight she wanted `Popeye and Hello Kitty`. Mmmm, I cant even begin to think of a plot for that one. And what, Popeye is going to eat his spinach and beat up Hello Kitty? I dont think so. uh, No.
I have a lot of Popeye originals under my belt by now. Popeye and Coffee Joe, Popeye and the chocolate bar, Popeye and Mr. Grapefruit Man (the fight is a draw because grapefruits are just as good as spinach), The Sea Hag kidnaps Olive Oil etc etc. About 15 I think. I wonder if I can go work for King Syndicate.
I know what you are going to say and you are wrong. Well, yes you are correct, Popeye is kind of violent and still not the best story material for a five year old. But you know what? I bought a collection of Grimm's fairy tales, 50 of them, hoping to read them to my daughter. All of them contain violence of some nature. This is a whole different story, but I couldnt imagine any of them not giving my daughter some form of nightmare. And these are for little kids? So far the only one I have told is `the fisherman and his wife` which I think is rather a good one because it warns against excess and becoming spoiled or hubris. Anyway, another time. But re check them out, they are downright vicious.
Somehow my daughter settled on `the 3 little pigs` as her favorite story for the past couple months and I have recited it upwards of 20 times or more. Its also violent with the wolf huffing and puffing and blowing down the house, but I add a little humor to that part to make it less so. I also started adding names to the pigs just to amuse myself. I gave them different names every night, like Iggley, Squiggley and Leon. Of course Leon built the house of bricks. Or rockem sockem and Robot. Finally I settled on the names of Larry Curly and Moe. And now those are the names of the three little pigs written in stone, every night. Naturally Curly is the pig who built his house out of hay, Larry built his house out of wood and Moe, he is the brick layer.
So two nights ago from this writing I started out the story of `Popeye and the 3 Little Pigs`. OK, the Mother pig tells her sons Larry Curly and Moe that they have to go out into the world and build their own homes. So after a big breakfast Larry, Curly and Moe pig set out on their journey. They walked all morning. By the time of lunch Curly pig wanted to stop and he was going to build his house here in the field. "You said, `LARRY, Curly and Moe, so it has to be Larry building his house out of straw," my daughter angrily interrupted.
"No, Larry builds his house out of wood, Curly builds his house from straw."
"No, you said Larry first so he is the first to build his house and out of straw"
"Well, I just said Larry, Curly and Moe, but naturally Curly is the youngest, laziest and stops first to build his house"
"No, Larry. The pig you say first is the pig that builds his house first and you said Larry first."
"I only said Larry first because that is how you say their names, but Curly is house out of hay builder"
"No no no, it has to be Larry. Larry"
She was quite angry by this time and on the verge of tears. How could I explain that Larry Curly and Moe just rolls off my tongue but it is so obvious that Curly is the hay builder. Isnt that correct? I tried to push my point one more time, but she just said "No no no, its Larry. Larry," and I heard the tears in her voice now in the dark of the sleeping room.
OK, I gave in. I was quiet for thirty seconds and then I heard her snoring, so the point was mute for tonight.
There is no way I am going to recite that story again. Phiff, Larry builds his house out of wood and Curly out of hay. That goes without saying. I wont do it any other way.
By the way, yes you heard right, the story was called Popeye and the Three pigs. I did create a new version of the Three Pigs with guest appearance of Popeye. If you want the story I can send it to you. But you have to send me the story of `Popeye and Hello Kitty` in exchange.
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