I was reading through Daddy articles and I came across a story in the Deseret News from Utah, from May 2013, about a father who wanted to be more of a father than his dad had been. Not that difficult as the man s parents divorced shortly after he was born and he only saw his Dad twice after that. He then started doing drugs as a young teenager and took the path to jail because of it. He spent some years in jail. I forget if he had a kid before he went in or after he got out, but the statement that resonated for me was that now he wanted to be a real father to his young child (who was aged 17 months at time of article) and give him the best shot in life. In fact the father had stopped taking drugs because of his kid. No easy feat if you are on the hard stuff.
Sure, you can say it was kitsch. Quite often I reel off a number of sarcasms in my head if I read a touchy feely article, but I couldn't do that this time. I just knew the man was genuine, the situation was real and it was something to reflect upon, seriously, not as a joke. This child, the man s child had maybe saved his life. So not only did the Father want to spend more time with his son and be a better parent than his Dad, but he had a great reason to be: his child had saved his life. I don`t think he thought about that, it wasn't mentioned in the article, but I think it happened. It reminds me of the line in a NOFX song "Seems like everybodys got/something I have not/ a reason not to die". This father had to repay his son. As ridiculous as that sounds, because being a father isn't payback or you do it because you owe it to someone, in fact, that is exactly how it was. This man owed it to his child. Of course he wanted to be a good father to his son. But if you can say, "my child saved my life, so I owe it to him", you know its a bit of an extra incentive to be a good father.
That was rather a lengthy anecdote to make a point. The point being that Fathers WANT to be better parents. Fathers want to spend more time with their children. I think that men realize more and more that the father is necessary at home. As much as divorce is still high and maybe not declining, the father wants to be there with his children, more than in the past. I think we are evolving.
Lets not blame it on the past though. Since the mid 1800s and sped up by the industrial revolution, the roles of men and women were pushed in certain directions. Men worked, women stayed at home. Besides the 1940s during WW2, this was true all the way through the beginning of the 60s, and even then only 11 per cent of women (in the US) were the sole or higher breadwinner (1960 census).
The baby boomer generation was, at best, a transition time. That is to say, the mentality was changing, but it wasn't being backed up with action. As the saying goes, words without action equals zero. The idea was there, but the fathers were not at home. No action.
Now, according to the Pew Research Center analyzing 2010 census information, the number is 23 per cent. That is, 23 per cent of the women in the US are either the only money maker in the family or the higher money maker in the family. I would like to find out what it is in Europe overall. And as a result more males can and do say, "I want to be more of a father to my children than my dad was". With the economic and cultural shackles removed, men can be emancipated and be at home with their children more.
Sometimes it will even save their lives.
Yet, what keeps even more dads from taking on more parenting hours? I have to leave that for two more posts I hope to write in the not too distant future. I have the ideas in my head already, but have to read/think a bit more on it. Till that time, considering the date of this post, I hope you didn't or wont make too many New Years resolutions. Statistics show, they'll be out the door and history by March. I made my New Years resolutions this year back in September on the Jewish New Year, for a changer. So far Ive kept two of them. Starting on writing these posts was one of them.
Oh, a last "read the fine print". I'm the sole writer and editor of these posts. All bad grammar is due to my stupidity. I hope mistakes don't detract you from the overall massage. But let me know if so.
Edit, here is the article.
http://www.deseretnews.com/
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