I Neanderthal pt 2: The ego in Men

I will continue from part 1, the story I started.  Here is the link to part 1

I got on the street car a couple weeks ago with my youngest daughter.  I was taking her to her doctor for a control review after she had been home for over a week with the disease which every little pre schooler was getting at the time.  She had gotten on the tram on her own two legs, but all the same I was quite surprised when some youngster, a teenager in fact, got out of the seat he was sitting in and offered me and my daughter the seat.   There were no other seats available.  It was the proper thing to do, but 1)  I am an able father with a toddler who stands, not a baby, I would think people would say "they can stand I want to sit."  2) He was a frigging teenager.  Teenagers don't offer their seats to anyone.  Well, it made me quite happy and proud in fact to be offered a seat.  Boy did I feel proud.

But it made me think that some tipping point has taken place, at least in my city.  It made me think that there are so many Fathers at all times of the day being "Dad" taking their kids, toddlers, babies here and there in strollers, or in those strap on baby carrying pouches.  It is so commonplace, that people give up their seats to normally strong males who are with kids, just like they would give up their seats to a Mother with a baby, toddler or kid.  What is the difference between a Mother or Father travelling with their toddler who needs a seat to sit in?  In fact no difference.  At least that is my line of thinking.

This wasn't always true. Or perhaps, maybe I didn't always feel this way.

We used to live on a quiet street with no trees.   Quiet street does not always mean "nice" and or "quaint".  It can mean desolate with loads of isolation.  That is how I felt about that street.  Still do.

As I stated and left a photo in my last post linked above, I had to go under a viaduct with all the cars and trucks and buses streaming through.  I didn't like it.  I felt everyone was looking at me.  There was nothing I could do about it.  I had to take my daughter through there on the way to the park around 10 am  just when all self respecting "gainfully employed" fathers should be in work at their desk, not even on break.  If I went later, it would be after 12 noon and my daughter would fall asleep in her stroller coming back which meant I would have to put her to bed without lunch or wake her up for lunch and she would have trouble going back to sleep for her nap.

The problem was that I had a terrible inferiority complex and a big ego at the same time which made me too conscious of being the "stay at home father" taking care of his daughter while his wife was working.  When you are the only one WALKING under that viaduct with a little girl either in a stroller or on a little red motorcycle the perceived stares and thoughts of all the vehicle drivers passing you by can wreck total damage on your psyche.   Either it was the part of town, or the year, but there weren't that many Fathers passing my way with kids.   Also at 10.30 am, it was only Mothers or the local kindergarten kids with their teachers in the park. 

The street I walked down (pic courtesy Google maps)

Three years later with a new daughter and a new living location I would take my second daughter to a park just 7 minutes walk down the street.  I would walk along one street which had other people sauntering on it. True, it was mostly Mothers at that time, or males with some delivery errand.  I tried to go around 11 am so it would look like I was home for early lunch taking my daughter out.  She took her nap later, so I could go later.

It was a bigger park.  At that time and park there were usually two or three Dads there with their kids, even at 11am.  I think one Dad there really was home on his lunch break.  I talked with another.  He was a University teacher and didn't have classes every day, so he was home with his boy some days and took him to this park.   We talked a bit, didn't become friends, but it was a day in the park with a monkey who was similar to myself.   That was important.  In fact that was the point I think.  To have the support of the same species and sex type so you see that other people are just like you and in the same boat as you are.  There are some strong Dads out there who don't care what others think or do, sometimes I tell myself that I am one of the strong willed ones, but... who am I kidding?

These days another three years on, as I said at the beginning, at least in my district, in my part of the city, I see Fathers walking down the street with strollers at 9am.  I see Dads holding the hands of their two year olds maybe doing the grocery shopping or going to the park.  I wish I could tell them I am not staring at them because I think they are losers being "stay at home dads", but I would like to give them a thumbs up and say, "Hey, you are doing a wonderful job, keep it up.  Its great and important work."  When school lets out for the day and I bring my daughter (s) to the same park at 4pm,  the split is pretty often 50/50 Dads to Moms.

My how times have changed.   Maybe my ego and complex have changed too?  Mm, probably not.

Tram Tips

 Young and old, are very well versed in tram etiquette. It is courteous (and let’s just say expected) to offer up your seat to elderly people, pregnant women and children. Also, it’s looked on favorably to use your “inside voices” on the tram.