I did harass this one girl when I was 7 or 8 years old. Followed her home several times, perhaps chasing her or called her names. I think it came to an end either when her parents called or her big brother came calling on me. I think that effectively made me think twice about harassing others and from there after I was more a victim. I still am deeply ashamed of even my little bit of bullying. At a high school reunion in the early 2000s I apologized to the girl face to face for five minutes and told her how awful I feel about it to this day. She let me off the hook and said it wasn't so terrible. I didn't really do anything terrible. All the same... I wasn't good. Shameful.
But I have to tell a short story of another middle school bullying incident which was just brutal. It was brutal to watch even though, sadly at the time, I think most others just put up with it and really didn't do anything about it. It disturbs me to this day thinking about it. Someone should have alerted the authorities about what was going on. But, I don't think High School kids work(ed) that way.
Well, in actuality there wasn't any violence or physical interaction, it was mostly just words. So one guy, who was kind of nerdy himself and definitely was not handsome, though he was built with strength from sports he participated in, but not a regular sports dude, found out that it was quite easy to pick on this other guy of the same age who definitely was of small build with not much strength and on his way to becoming a math geek. Whenever the bully saw this guy he would call him the stupidest name, namely his own name attached to the victims name. But it got the victim so angry. Or the bully would walk behind the victim and try to step on the heel of his shoe as kids did at that age to get the shoe off.
See, nothing really bad. It never came to blows even though sometimes the victim would turn around and try to strike the bully, in which case the bully would easily dodge the fist and laugh at him. What made it horrible was that it was so incessant. It was continual, whenever the bully saw the kid, easily 5 times a day which made it so disgusting. At most someone would say, Dude, lay off the guy already. And the bully would say, "yeah I know, its just so much fun".
I don't recall the exact year, but the victim did leave our school, I think after the second year (in 8th grade). He went to another school in the area, a private school from what we heard.
Then he came back to our school in the second to last year or even the last. And my how he had changed.
He had turned into a long haired burnout which is someone who smokes a lot, and not cigarettes. On occasion he would ask me if I had some dope or if I wanted to smoke dope with him, I guess because he knew I was alternative and thought I smoked. I didn't. He was not a geek at all, or rather he was exactly a dopehead on a moped. Still small in stature. He wasn't doing well in school, nor did he seem to care.
What had happened to him? Had he been bullied in the other school too and the whole thing had just drove him to drugs and dopeheadedness? Or was it a natural progression from math geek to pothead? That was possible. A lot of kids changed a lot going from 12 years old to 15. But what worries me is that the incessant bullying from the first guy had just ground him down creating scars deeper than skin deep. That the bullying was the direct cause of his dropping out of the regular school kid life and just destroyed him. I wouldn't doubt it. But even worse is that it may have scarred him for life by effecting which direction he was taking in life. Or maybe it caused such a detour of his life that it took him so much longer to get back into the swing of life. Or maybe he isn't even with us anymore. I cant find his name on the regular social networks, but that's because his name is somewhat common. Or maybe he is hiding out to this day.
The bully, nothing happened to him. In fact he is an attorney in the city he grew up in. I was told by another friend what happened to him, and his trajectory through life was fairly straight and successful. I am told he has a big mouth just like he had in high school which probably contributes to his success. Also probably contributing to his success is his belief in himself and the thought that he is on the right side. He argues strongly because he strongly believes he is correct. He has done no wrong in his mind. And he is able to drive to work every day and argue his clients cases because he has the strength of personality to do so. Probably if I met him toady he would barely remember, or would just say, "oh yeah, I remember that."
It makes me hope there will be justice sometime, maybe in the after life.
This is not how I want my kids to grow up, to bully. They will know from the beginning that bullying is wrong.
There are pictures of the bully, but I wont put them up. Instead: to the victims, stay strong.
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