Division of Labor

Once again this morning I am reminded that two parents are better than one.  For everyone.

Here I am on Sunday still getting over the flu, better wash your hands after you finish reading this, dont want to spread any cyber germs to you.  If I hadnt had my wife here I would be worse for it by now because I would have had to get up and deal with two kids and brunch on a Sunday.  As it was, I didnt.  Ha ha.  I slept till 11am.

My wife made a nice porridge brunch and the kids took a small nap by 12.30.  Then she proceeded to take a small nap.

The division of labor no longer has to mean woman stays at home and takes care of the kids and man goes to work and makes the money.  Unfortunately that is still the basic formula.  I for one feel this division to be sad and not helpful.  I recently read a parents article where the father in fact was complaining that he felt like the piece of meat, that he had to be the one away from the home all the time and his wife got the good part of staying at home with and for the kids.  He felt like a third wheel, a slave even, or that he was being used.  Well, maybe I am interpreting it too much, and I cant even post the article here as Ive forgotten where it is.  I ll still try to find it.  But you see the point?  He wanted to stay at home and be with his kids.  Why should the women get all the glory and love of the family?  And then you are so tired from the week that you just want to rest anyway on the weekend.

I know that on the days I am working and I come home close to their bedtime I dont get the recognition that Mommy gets.  They still want Mommy to give them the bath, they still want Mommy to read them a story before sleep.  And on the days I AM at home and Mommy is out for the day, well then I get the rewards in the night with total loving from my kids.  I get to read them a bedtime story.  And nighttime, bedtime is my favorite time of day and those rewards mean a lot to me.

The division of labor should mean:  you do some things and I do some things.  Simple as that.  Fifty fifty.  Well OK, you can assign things to each other that one person does better than the other, IE, my wife is an excellent cook so she should do more of the meals.  I concede.  I sing better so I will play the music and sing with them more.  Ha ha.

OK, actually I have a more formidable job that seems to be assigned to me.  My wife sleeps like the dead in their graves.  I take the keys out of the door at night because she wouldnt hear someone breaking the glass and reaching in and opening the door via the keys in the lock.  She wouldnt.  And she doesnt hear the girls crying in the night or calling.  I sleep like a deer surrounded by fox and wolves.  I am always ready to jump.  Two years ago when my oldest daughter was just three and we were on vacation at Grandmas I was on duty 24-7.  My daughter had never slept in a regular bed before and she was falling out nightly.  I put pads on the floor, but then I started waking up every time she moved in her sleep.  I would jump up over to her bed to make sure she wasnt rolling over the side.

The other week this is what happened.  My oldest daughter, now over five at the time of writing had a nightmare.  She takes after both her Mommy and Daddy.  She sleeps like wood like her Mother but she has clear dreams like her Father.  So she woke up and I heard her in the hallway. I went out and she had taken all her blankets to the hallway and said they were wet.  She doesnt pee her bed anymore, so I was confused.  I felt them, they werent wet.  I guess it had been some sort of pee dream or water dream though. I took her and her blankets back to bed.  By this time she was more awake and she said, "Daddy stay here please".  So I did.  I held her hand while she fell back to sleep.  Looked at my watch when I got back to bed, 2.50 am.  I think the whole process had been half an hour or more.  Fell back asleep and myself had some dreams about people partying or something.  It was quite a noisy sleep.  I think it would have been more relaxing if I hadnt slept.  Then no party in my head.

5am:  "Daddy, Daddy, hand, hand".  My littlest girl has to hold my hand before she sleeps and she has been waking up between 4.30 and 5 and calls me.  She calls Daddy because I think she knows she would get no response from Mommy, even if she shouted.  Which she does and she doesnt get a response from Mommy.  I let her call three times to make sure she hadnt fallen back asleep on her own.  Nope.  So, I went over and lay on the rug next to her bed and held her hand.  I tried to get away and went to the bathroom, but she wasnt fully asleep, "Daddy, Daddy! Hand!"  Back to my duties.  It took her about an hour to fall asleep.  So then I was able to get another hour of sleep myself till 7.30.   Im a late night owl and dont go to bed before midnight myself, so all told I got 4 hours of sleep.  Needless to say I was a zombie in the morning. But division of labor has my wife picking out the older girls clothes and helping her with them.  Ahhh, i was able to lie there at least till 8 or 8.30.  So it was 5 hours of sleep.  Doable.

Two parents are better than one.  Divide your labor however you want to do it.  Either according to the principles of David Ricardo or to the principles of who sleeps better at night or who bastes a better chicken.  I dont think these days we have to be or should be confined to the old "Leave it to Beaver" model of Mom and Dad. 

OK, go wash your hands, Im still sick.  But dont be too loud in the bathroom my wife is taking a nap.