I was quite sad as I was walking away. I had brought my older daughter to school. She hadn't given me a goodbye kiss because I had yelled at her. Fair enough. I wouldn`t give me a kiss either if I had yelled at me.
As happens to many son in laws, they have a run in, even a couple, even more than many, with their mother in laws. Well of course. I m not so good. Her little girl could have done a lot better as far as a husband goes. (I wonder if I will feel the same when that time comes for my girl to join hands with some one else. Probably). Anyway. And I am dirty. I once lay down on the bed with my jeans on after I had been outside. Crime! And just recently she yelled at me for putting my shoes on while I sat on the floor. On the dirty floor. I didn't think it was so dirty. Why didn't I sit on the chair there? I really don't know. I sat on the floor. It was disgusting for her. Was it really so disgusting? I didn`t really see it that way.
The reason I had yelled at my daughter was because she had sneezed and then had blown her nose on her sleeve. eayu. "That's disgusting," I said. "Not only is it disgusting, but its unhygienic. It will stay on your sleeve. Not healthy". She ran off to her class without kissing me.
Then I was walking my other daughter to her pre school and suddenly stopped... oh boy, I am a silly goat. I guess you saw it coming before I did, but of course I was being contradictory. I thought it was disgusting when my daughter sneezed and wiped her nose with her sweater sleeve, but thought my mother in law was a bit batty that she thought I was disgusting sitting on the floor to put on my shoes. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, I get it.
The problem is, I still won`t let my daughter blow her nose into her sleeve. Isn't that disgusting of her to do that? But I don't see anything wrong with sitting on the floor. So I'm in a conundrum of contradictions. You can help me out of this. I cant solve it.
Some other exact cases where we yell at our children but then later in the day we do the same thing.
1. Not allowed to eat food outside the kitchen. I yell at my youngest daughter mercilessly for doing this. "Look," I say, "Who has to clean up your crumbs and they get all over." Well she really is too small to clean with the brush yet. But then in the evening after they have gone to bed, mm, I have occasionally eaten a bread with honey in my bed. Well, you know. I won`t let the crumbs get all over. I will eat over the plate. I will be responsible in the droppage of the crumb factor. Besides I will have to clean it up myself.
2. "Don't lick the ketchup bottle around the lid." You leave your germs there and again its unhygienic and may get other people sick if you have germs. Yeah, well in the evening after they are asleep if I pour the ketchup I will lick off the leftover stuff around the lid. Admittedly, I don't know why I do this. I really don't.
3. Drinking milk from the bottle. I have to yell at both the girls for doing this. You will leave your germs in the bottle and they will get into other peoples drink. Later in the evening... you guessed it. I take one or two gulps direct from the milk or juice bottle. Yes, but, its such a waste to get out another glass and pour it and then have to wash the glass. I just want two gulps of milk and I will put it back. I don't see why I have to go through all the trouble of, eh finding a glass, pouring, ugh and then wasting water cleaning the glass after just for two sips of milk. Besides I never do it when I am sick. I never see my germs in the milk. I wouldn't do such a thing as leave my germs there, if I even had any. I know I don't.
Still, I should really practice what I preach. I guess I should try to be better. Be a better parent. Yes, I will! From now on I will make a concerted effort to not be hypocritical. Well at least with numbers 1-3. There is no way I am going to give in to my mother-in-law and sit on the stool to put on my shoes. No way.
Pictures coming some time.
Good topic. My .02: you're making rules you don't believe in, but you believe are necessary for the good of decorum. I think I'd file that under the fart rule. Like, what, you don't fart when you're alone? Of course you do, but it doesn't make it cool to do in public. Good table manners when you're alone are pointless, even pedantic. But they're a sign of respect when you eat with others. I don't buy the germs rule. If you really believe in germs, you wouldn't give or receive kisses.
ReplyDeleteOh goodness that is a good comment. That is .05 or even .10. It`s got me thinking a lot on the subject and I couldn`t get back to you right away. I think the whole issue is: 1. Public vs Private sphere and 2. Health issues. I think the next post in this department should be named, "we can do it in private but not in public". You are quite wrong that I dont believe in these rules, I do, in the public realm. So for instance you have to teach your kids not to blow their noses on their sleeve, not to drink from the milk bottle and not to eat with their fingers because as my wife said, they would look like boors or vulgars. OK, good decorum you call it, or societal standards. You want your kids to know "how to act properly" in the public sphere, even though in private you may snub your nose at it and disregard it yourself. The line is drawn somewhere though. I dont think sitting on the floor to put on my shoes is being a boor, and I have taught my daughter she can do this, although my mother in law thinks me vulgar when I do this and yells at my daughter (and me) when she does this. A difference in the lines we have drawn. However, there are also health issues. We teach our children not to touch the metal when we drink from public fountains because who knows who has touched the metal and left their sickness. Wash your hands after handling money, same reason, although a bit far fetched. Kissing falls under the health issue. I know that many societies customs in the world include kissing, even on the lips as greetings, but I have been brought up and by my health standards that is a no no. Kiss them on the cheeks. My wife and I, call us freaks if you want, refrain from kissing on the lips if one has a cold or it is thought that maybe one of us could be sick, and we are passing that on to our children. An issue of protective health. I have never heard of the fart rule, but I suspect most people still fart in public. Now burping out loud, that is another story. I try to cover my burps in public, but when I am at home, let em rip and roar. Sheesh I am a vulgar. Thank you, thank you so much for reading and commenting. Much food for thought.
ReplyDeleteYou drink out of the milk bottle at home, when your kids aren't looking, but you don't let them do it (same with me). This is normal, because you believe that germs within the family are ok, even though that's technically irrational. But you don't let your kids do it because...well, it's just not done. Maybe you don't want them to do it when they visit someone else, or when someone visits you. You don't kiss others on the lips because of germs, but really, what's the difference if you kiss your wife on the lips. An obsessive compulsive can't do that, I suppose, but that's "crazy" (because it takes "rationality" to what we see as the extreme).
ReplyDeleteThe milk bottle example is very difficult because it straddles both variables, the health issue and the social norms issue. I have to say it covers both issues. Correct it is not socially acceptable to drink out of the milk bottle in public so I teach my kids not to do it so they wont do it at someone elses house or wont do it if we have visitors. However you are incorrect to think that germs within the family are ok. No. So when I drink out of the milk bottle I am spreading my germs. The only justification is that I know when I am sick or when someone in the family is sick. If they are, or I am sick, I dont drink out of the milk bottle. Germs are spread the most within the family. I dont kiss others on the lips as the way I was brought up it was socially not acceptable. Also I dont know if they are coming down with a cold or not. I know, or have a good idea if someone in my household is coming down with a cold and I can or shouldnt kiss them on the lips. So maybe I am tending toward the obsessive compulsive type. I can see that I better stop drinking from the milk bottle because it is not good healthwise. What I would like to say is that if it is a health issue then I cannot forego it. If it is a public norm issue, I should teach my kids social norms, but in private I can raise my middle finger toward them. Unfortunately every society has different social norms and when we travel or enter different cultures we have to learn those social norms. My mother in law thinks it is strange, boorish, to sit on the dirty floor to put on your shoes. I dont. Its a social issue, not health. If she could convince me that it would be better for my health not to sit on the dirty floor to put on my shoes then I might change my evil ways.
ReplyDeleteI have a solution to your mother in law problem: buy her a nice, long shoe horn for Christmas or birthday. No need to sit on anything!
ReplyDeleteYes, excellent. You are right. They had one of those before. A long one with the head of a deer at the top, all made of wood. I dont know what happened to it. So I ll have to look for another one of similar style. Better to placate and keep the peace than to make angry over small matters. I will do it. And I ll stop drinking direct from the milk bottle, bad health. Thanks for inspiration.
ReplyDelete